Rest In Peace, Patty Duke March 29, 2016

There are few performances more sublime than Patty Duke’s in Valley of the Dolls, so this little corner of the internet would be remiss if it didn’t pause to pay tribute to her pantheonic turn as Neely O’Hara.

Thank you for sparkling, Patty Duke.

We’re All Sad Affleck This Weekend March 26, 2016

If you, like me, have already seen Bats v. Supes: Dawn of Just Put Me Out of My Misery Already, you’re probably feeling an awful lot like Ben Affleck seems in this GIF. He does not look like he wants to be here, literally or metaphorically, and seeing as Batman v. Superman has already grossed $200 million dollars worldwide, I’m not sure we want to either.

Anyways, while I try and put words to put words to my despondent rage stroke, here’s a really great video of Ben Affleck at the BvS: It Gets Worst press tour:

Happy National Puppy Day from Joan Crawford, Her Shih Tzu, and a Dog’s Reaction to Elizabeth Taylor March 23, 2016

While perhaps technically not puppy talk, I think National Puppy Day is as good a time as any to draw everyone’s attention to this 1976 photograph of Joan Crawford taken by John Engstead. Besides, it’s Joan Crawford’s birthday, too, so it’s definitely apropos.

This is among the last publicized photos of Joan, and more importantly, it’s with her shih tzu, Princess Lotus Blossom, which is a perfect name for any dog, but particularly a shih tzu, and most particularly a shih tzu owned by Joan Crawford.

Yes, Princess Lotus Blossom. Let it roll off your tongue, paws pause for appreciation, and let it stay with you. Princess Lotus Blossom. Positively perfect in every way.

And if you’d rather with a nonsense pet video to celebrate National Puppy Day, this little corner of the internet where camp is queen can inexplicably cover that, too, because here’s a video of a dog reacting to a great Elizabeth Taylor moment:

Here’s A Celine Dion Bacon Parody To Make Your Saturday Delicious March 19, 2016

When I think Saturdays, I think breakfast meats, so this bacon-themed parody of Celine Dion’s “The Power of Love” by the Toronto, Canada comedy troupe Touch My Stereotype is pretty great because:

1. It’s about bacon.
2. The Celine Dion impression is pretty spot on.
3. The overabundance of soft-focus is totally on-point for 90s adult contemporary power ballad music videos, and…
4. The thought writhing around in that much raw bacon makes me instinctively want to degrease myself, so this parody gets an A+ for commitment.

That said, I’m a little lost at the thought of cooking bacon in butter. Is that a thing people do? Is it a Canadian thing? Like, I’ve eaten some artery-hardening hot garbage in my day, but girl, you in danger (of high cholesterol).

But that said, I’m definitely not lost at the drinking bacon grease thing. I’m not saying I’ve eaten bacon grease from a pan, but I’m not not saying it, either.

TGIF! Now Here’s a “She Wolf” Fan Video That Should’ve Been a Star March 18, 2016

I feel like there used to be a time on the Internet when you couldn’t blink without coming across some twink’s bid for fifteen minutes of viral video celebrity and a lifetime of telling the same story at your local gay bar about the one time you got three million YouTube views from dancing in your mom’s shower to Britney Spears. It was the late 2000s, and everything seemed possible, which is why I don’t understand why this particular homage to Shakira’s “She Wolf” never even broke 100,000 views:

Is It Possible to A Capella U2’s “Discotheque” Without Irony? March 17, 2016

As it’s St. Patrick’s Day, it seemed like a perfectly fair and otherwise rare opportunity to blog about U2, but in my quest to find something that was still appropriately camp, I instead discovered a Finnish a capella group Fork. You know, as one does.

The third most impressive thing I discovered this evening about Fork is that they exist, which unto itself seems like a small victory, though I’m not sure for whom.

The second is the above picture, which is insane. It’s like a dinner theater production of The Matrix, or a portrait of the Four BDSM Horsemen of Conflicting Ideas About What Sexy Looks Like, but then I tell you it’s in fact a promo photo for an a capella group and oops! Your head just f*cking exploded.

The most impressive thing by far, though, is the fact that they performed U2’s “Discotheque”, which I’m pretty sure they meant it without irony:

Taylor Swift Is Younger, Hungrier, and Coming Down the Stairs After You March 15, 2016

As someone who has built a blog out of desperate, threadbare references to Showgirls, I’m always thrilled when I come across someone else making a tenuous connection to Nomi Malone and Co. They’re doing Goddess work, really.

So imagine my slackjawed joy when I found this video of Taylor Swift giving Nomi Malone chills in spades. It’s short, sweet, and depending upon your office’s policy on very blurry yet technically bare breasts, arguably NSFW, so kindly remind your boss this is where High Art meets Explosive Journalism, and please watch this Very Important Video after the jump:

And Now For a Dose of Pure Crazy: Joan Crawford, Gender Enigma March 13, 2016

Several years back, I read David Bret’s Joan Crawford: Hollywood Martyr, and it was insane. As celebrity bios go, it’s like someone decided to set the record straight about Joan Crawford using Wikipedia synopses of her filmography, a nagging feeling that says “CHRISTINA’S WRONG”, a whole lotta moxie, and a well-read copy of Kenneth Anger’s Hollywood Babylon. Really, I’m still not sure what the rumor about Ramon Novarro and the black marble dildo from his alleged lover Rudolph Valentino was doing in a biography about Joan Crawford, but it did keep things more interesting.

My point is I’m more than familiar with trashy and ridiculous rumors about Joan Crawford and early Hollywood’s general sordidness, but nothing, and I mean nothing, could prepare me for “Joan Crawford Gender. Gender Enigma. Part 1.”, which is basically a Truther video, if the Truther movement was obsessed with proving that Joan Crawford was a man and Hollywood is some sort of Satanic transsexual long con:

You Can’t Just Ask People Why They’re Ebola March 10, 2016

Look, far be it for me, the person who’s recent blog exploits have included making GIFs of a Broad City Yas Queen/Queen Amidala mashup and Hannibal Lecter wearing Rooney Mara’s blunt bangs, to judge what anybody does on the internet, particularly anybody who’s nom de YouTube is Versais Demauve. I mean, really, were there ever some strange kindred spirit out there, filling the internet with bullsh*t nonsense and Showgirls references, this might be that person, so instead of asking “WHYYY?!?“, I won’t. After all, this is the Internet, where you shouldn’t ask people “WHYYY?!?“, and you can’t ask them why they’re Ebola.

Geez, Karen.

In Honor of International Women’s Day, Here’s Tina Turner and Ann-Margret Performing “Proud Mary” March 8, 2016

 I’ll be the first to admit that this video could’ve found itself onto the blog most any day of the week, but today is International Women’s Day, and as such I’d argue this performance of “Proud Mary” by Tina Turner and Ann-Margret is particularly appropriate. After all, it’s two women singing of their struggles workin’ for the man aboard a steamboat that is itself a proud woman, if only by name. And since Ann-Margret is Swedish, this video is a true celebration of women and tres international to boot. Come for the weird introductory banter about Tina Turner’s age, stay for all the insanely sweet dance moves, and most importantly: Happy International Women’s Day!

Vegas Has Everything March 7, 2016

And yes, I could.

All of the Dream Sequences From Ken Russell’s The Boy Friend March 6, 2016

Since I’m an old person, any time after 9pm is late for me, if not in fact entirely past my bedtime, so it’s only appropriate to end the day with all of the dream sequences from Ken Russell’s The Boy Friend. Much like the above bonkers amuse-bouche of a headdress, they’re totally over the top, totally fabulous, and at times not unlike a Busby Berkeley acid flashback. Oh, and they’re starring Twiggy. Yes, that Twiggy.

What I’m trying to say is there are far worse pre-bedtime camp viewing pleasures, and arguably few better, so grab yourself a cup of Sleepytime tea and get ready to spike it with an shot of crazy, because these dream sequence will take you up, off and away:

TBT PSA: Pokemon Live Existed, and Andrew Rannells Was In It March 3, 2016

You might think that Pokemon has no business being on a blog that’s so limp wristed it’s a wonder it ever gets written, and you’d be right! Much like a last lingering feint of heterosexuality, I haven’t touched the stuff since high school, but apropos of Pokemon’s 20th anniversary (not that I’d know) (jk; I’d totally know), let’s please take a moment to revel in the fact that Pokemon Live was touring theatrical musical experience that actually existed (!), and Andrew Rannells (!!!) was in it (!!!!!).

Yes, I’m talking the Andrew Rannells, he of the enviably perpetual babyface, my 2nd favorite of the Broadway Hedwigs (behind John Cameron Mitchell, of course), and one third of my new favorite celebrity dream thruple Andrew Rannells and Corey Stoll on Girls and Please Don’t Forget Me, or RannellStollME, for short. In case you don’t believe me, here’s his hottest moment from the commercial in GIF form, where he plays James:

And the Winner Should Be…Tracy Morgan, for The Danish Girl! February 29, 2016

At the very least, last night’s Oscars were better than I’d expected. We didn’t solve America’s race problems, but Chris Rock was given enough room to provide some humorous yet honest commentary on Hollywood’s “sorority” racism. Better still, there was a truly great bit about black actors in white movies, which included the indisputable highlight of the evening, Tracy Morgan in The Danish Girl:

Kate McKinnon’s Carol Parody, and a Few Oscar Predictions February 28, 2016

Kate McKinnon and Kumail Nanjiani’s Carol parody from the 2016 Spirit Awards has been all over my Facebook feed since this morning. It’s a nice reminder of the company that I keep online and, better still, a reason to use the “Lesbians” tag twice in one week, so here it is. As I feel like I’m on a roll, sapphically speaking, maybe I’ll treat myself to a clandestine glove lunch of creamed spinach and poached eggs to celebrate.

Also, as it’s mere hours before the Academy Awards, I thought I’d spitball a few predictions for the award winners and the show in general:

Red Carpet Footage from the 25th Annual Academy Awards February 27, 2016

Here’s some red carpet footage from the 25th Annual Academy Awards, better known as the year Joan Crawford and Better Davis were nominated for Best Actress in Sudden Fear and The Star, respectively. What a year! They both lost to Shirley Booth for Come Back, Little Sheba. I’d say they were both ROBBED, but I haven’t seen Come Back, Little Sheba, so I can’t be sure, but still: ROBBED (probably).

Anyways, I highly recommend watching this red carpet footage, because it makes more recent red carpet events look like Casual Fridays. It’s got diamonds, pearls, furs, a young Elizabeth Taylor, more diamonds, more pearls, more furs, a young Paul Newman, tons of f*cking sequins, tulle, yet even more diamonds and furs and pearls, and Joan Crawford. Et tu, Oscars 2016?

TGIF! Now Here’s 22 Leonardo DiCaprio Performances Reenacted by His Lesbian Doppelgänger February 26, 2016

Well, it’s the Friday before the Academy Awards, and if there’s anything more guaranteed in life right now than death or taxes, it’s Leonardo DiCaprio’s Best Actor win for The Revenant, so here’s a video of 22 Leonardo DiCaprio performances as brought to you by Leo’s lesbian doppelgänger, “Lesbo DiCaprio.”

This “stunning montage” (this video’s description’s words, not mine) is brought to you by ACTING, a lesbian who’s more butch than me (that’s not hard) but not so butch as to where I have a crush on her (that’s Ryan Atwood from The O.C.), and MORE ACTING. It’s the best costume (22 of them, in fact) to celebrate Leonardo DiCaprio’s Oscar thirst and the perfect way to segue into the weekend (with ACTING).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to work on my Fiona Apple at the Oscars impression.

[via AfterEllen; much love to Haley for this]

Today’s Best Costume: “Little Edie Dances for Barbara Walters” February 24, 2016

Last night, I had the distinct pleasure of getting to introduce several of my officemates to the seminal 1975 documentary (and personal favorite) Grey Gardens, so naturally I had to have a Grey Gardens themed post today. It’s the best blog costume for the day, really.

Anyways, I’d hoped to find some footage of Little Edie’s cabaret act, but that sadly doesn’t seem to exist, so instead I found this video that purports to be Little Edie dancing for Barbara Walters. It’s not quite what it sounds like, but what it is totally insane and otherwise best left unspoilt.

The language is unexpectedly salty, so grab a basket of chips and vinegar and throw on your headphones, because even thought it’s a little NSFW, this hump-day treat is positively delicious:

Look at How Long It Takes Julie Andrews to Get Down the Stairs February 23, 2016

No wonder her man got away.

This Rosie O’Donnell Show Interview with Liza Minnelli Is Something Else February 22, 2016

It’s my belief that all things are made better by Liza Minnelli, and so today I propose a little MWM: Monday With Minnelli. In particular, I’d like to suggest this interview with an “I” between Ms. Minnelli and the inspiration for Cabaret 2‘s favorite person, Rosie O’Donnell. It’s something else from top (O’Donnell) to bottom (David Gest), so give it a watch and let’s discuss: