She’s Got Bette Davis Eyes Dress
March 1, 2016

whoopi goldberg oscars 2016

I’d meant to mention yesterday that Whoopi Goldberg looking amaaazing at the Academy Awards, but by the time I got to writing my pitch for a sequel to Carol Oscar wrap-up, I was already food drunk off a store-bought stromboli and an entire box of sadness (Elio’s frozen pizza), so whoopsi*. But this just means Whoopi gets her own post, which is better for us all. And besides, at least I never confused Whoopi with Oprah Winfrey.

ANYWAYS, Whoopi Goldberg’s Oscar ensemble says she’s got an EGOT and a bankful of The View money. She’s looking fabulous and giving zero f*cks, and I love that she’s brought out her tattoo and a giant octopus bracelet to accent her classic black dress. But wait! Speaking of “classic”, it gets Bette!**

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A Few Scant Thoughts on the 88th Annual Academy Awards
February 29, 2016

joan crawford oscars 1946

Seeing as it’d feel odd to not follow up yesterday’s predictions with at least some sort of wrap-up, but also seeing as I’d much rather eat an entire stromboli and get caught up on The People v. OJ Simpson, here’s a few scant thoughts on the 88th annual Academy Awards. It’s just enough to say “I still care” without it ending in a caterwaul of famished sobs:

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And the Winner Should Be…Tracy Morgan, for The Danish Girl!
February 29, 2016

tracy morgan danish girl

At the very least, last night’s Oscars were better than I’d expected. We didn’t solve America’s race problems, but Chris Rock was given enough room to provide some humorous yet honest commentary on Hollywood’s “sorority” racism. Better still, there was a truly great bit about black actors in white movies, which included the indisputable highlight of the evening, Tracy Morgan in The Danish Girl:

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Kate McKinnon’s Carol Parody, and a Few Oscar Predictions
February 28, 2016

Kate McKinnon and Kumail Nanjiani’s Carol parody from the 2016 Spirit Awards has been all over my Facebook feed since this morning. It’s a nice reminder of the company that I keep online and, better still, a reason to use the “Lesbians” tag twice in one week, so here it is. As I feel like I’m on a roll, sapphically speaking, maybe I’ll treat myself to a clandestine glove lunch of creamed spinach and poached eggs to celebrate.

Also, as it’s mere hours before the Academy Awards, I thought I’d spitball a few predictions for the award winners and the show in general:

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Red Carpet Footage from the 25th Annual Academy Awards
February 27, 2016

Here’s some red carpet footage from the 25th Annual Academy Awards, better known as the year Joan Crawford and Better Davis were nominated for Best Actress in Sudden Fear and The Star, respectively. What a year! They both lost to Shirley Booth for Come Back, Little Sheba. I’d say they were both ROBBED, but I haven’t seen Come Back, Little Sheba, so I can’t be sure, but still: ROBBED (probably).

Anyways, I highly recommend watching this red carpet footage, because it makes more recent red carpet events look like Casual Fridays. It’s got diamonds, pearls, furs, a young Elizabeth Taylor, more diamonds, more pearls, more furs, a young Paul Newman, tons of f*cking sequins, tulle, yet even more diamonds and furs and pearls, and Joan Crawford. Et tu, Oscars 2016?

And Now, My Favorite Academy Awards Moment of All Time, Ever
February 25, 2016

With the Oscars coming up this Sunday, I felt it apropos to share my favorite Oscar moment of all time, ever, and no, it’s not Alan Ball winning Best Original Screenplay for American Beauty. It’s Fiona Apple reacting to Paul Thomas Anderson losing to Alan Ball, which is sublime.

In a roomful of enthusiastic supporters and polite poker faces, hers is a look of unmistakable disappointment that says,”The world is bullsh*t, and Magnolia was robbed.” What I’m trying to say is it’s the real American beauty of the night, and also, forever.

And because I think about this moment all the time and had to make a GIF to preserve it into all eternity, let’s look at that again (and again, and again):

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Wake Me When It’s Over: An Irresponsible Oscar Postscript
February 23, 2015

joan crawford oscars 1946

I’m not sure there’s anything to be said about last night’s Oscars that can’t be said by this picture of Joan Crawford asleep with her Oscar, which is to say: Zzzz.

It wasn’t that the Oscars were terrible. Patricia Arquette won, and she spoke about how to make the world a more just place. Julianne Moore won, and the world became a more just place. Neil Patrick Harris dutifully tried to keep some awfully regrettable material afloat. At least it wasn’t James Franco, part don’t. Lady Gaga’s Sound of Music melody was really great, even if it wasn’t performed in a bratwurst dirndl. And then there was John Travolta, who was killing it last nightpossibly literally. Seriously, if John Travolta asks you to help him move some furniture into a van, just tell him you’ve got a hunky masseuse appointment to attend and run, girl, run! He’ll totally understand.

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Here’s a GIF of Idina Menzel and John Travolta at the 2015 Oscars
February 23, 2015

idina menzel john travolta 2015 oscars

While the rest of last night’s Oscars might be described as safe, here is a GIF of the one moment that felt anything but: Idina Menzel and John Travolta, together onstage to revisit 2014’s “Adele Dazeem” gaffe. Idina, you in danger, girl!

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Whatever You Do Tonight, Oscars, Let’s Not Leave Out Ms. Minnelli
February 22, 2015

Liza-Minelli-OSCARS-2014

NEVER FORGET.

[Image via Fashion Addicted Foodies]

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