This Rosie O’Donnell Show Interview with Liza Minnelli Is Something Else
February 22, 2016

liza minnelli rosie odonnell show

It’s my belief that all things are made better by Liza Minnelli, and so today I propose a little MWM: Monday With Minnelli. In particular, I’d like to suggest this interview with an “I” between Ms. Minnelli and the inspiration for Cabaret 2‘s favorite person, Rosie O’Donnell. It’s something else from top (O’Donnell) to bottom (David Gest), so give it a watch and let’s discuss:

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Since The Sorcerer’s Apprentice Comes Out Today, Here’s the Great Work of Art to Feature Nicolas Cage in 2010
July 14, 2010

So The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is coming out today, and while I wouldn’t say it looks bad, it also doesn’t particularly good, and it definitely doesn’t look like Knowing:

See what I mean?  Kind of meh, but maybe that’s just me, and I digress.

The reviews have been coming in over the past few days, and they aren’t too favorable.  Right now, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is sitting at a rather unfortunate 35% over at Rotten Tomatoes, and the consensus with RT’s list of Top Critics is like taking a Chinatown bus from Badtown to Worseville:

Obviously this isn’t the impressively bleak 15% Knowing received last spring, which is sad because I probably won’t enjoy The Sorcerer’s Apprentice nearly as much Knowing, but equally obvious is the fact that I will inevitably see this at some point anyways.  After all, that’s why the intewebs gave us Cageflix.

ANYWAYS, good or bad or deliciously awful, the one thing for certain about The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is that it is by no means THE work of art to feature Nicolas Cage in 2010.  No no, that accolade belongs to Brandon Bird’s Uncanny Valley, which you probably have never heard of, and that’s precisely why you need to change your ig’nant ways:

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Heidi Montag’s Sad Face is the New Face of Schadenfreude
June 2, 2009

Never in a million years would I consider watching something like I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!  I get that my pop culture eating would suggest I’ve the diet of a subway rat, but even I’ve gotta draw the line somewhere, and my line is Heidi Montag and her pet monster husband, Spencer Pratt.  Other than producing mind-meltingly awful (yet occasionally masochistically catchy) music, they’re pretty terrible human beings who’re famous simply for playing fake versions of themselves on The Hills.  They’ve no cultural value beyond being a prime example of shameless self-promotion at its narcissistic worst.  As such, it’s no surprise whatsoever that I take such pleasure in this image:

heidi montag schadenfreude

Apparently Heidi and Spencer a fit over being forced to slum it Survivor style, and this caused Heidi to have an on-camera breakdown.  Gawker has a clip of it, and it’s poetry in motion to be sure, but all I really need is this picture to get me through the day.  I’m going set it up as my wallpaper on my computer, and I’m going to print out a copy and laminate it and keep it in my wallet in case I ever need something to make me smile during my MTA commute.  I’ll paint a fresco of this picture, Sistine Chapel style, so I can wake up to this sublime beauty every morning.  Ben and Jerry’s needs to use this picture as inspiration for a new flavor called “Heidi’s Decadent Tears of Sorrow.”  I’m thinking black raspberry and sweet cream swirls with white chocolate tears, but that’s just me.   

This picture says so much about celebrity culture today, about the grotesque sense of entitlement and the monstrous egos that balloon because we allow the frequency of being written about in Us Weekly and blogged about on the internet–as opposed to being appreciated for an actual talent–to be the new barometer for being famous.  More importantly, this picture is like looking at that sort of “celebrity” fall into itself like a black hole of self-importance.  When you think about it, this picture’s a train wreck of the uglier impulses of the human condition.  A beautiful, beautiful train wreck.

Cheers to E! Online for the screen grab.

Hannah Montana: Camp Icon for the Tween Set?
April 15, 2009

Well, it’s safe to say that we all knew that this was coming, yet I’m not going to put on my sour-grapes face over this because, honestly, I’m not particularly invested in the financial success of any of the major Hollywood pictures out in theaters right now.  Come back to me in two weeks when Obsessed has had its first weekend in theaters, and we can talk then.  

Added to that, up until a week and a half ago, I only knew of Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus as the tween-pop sensation with a television show and soon-to-be-released-in-theaters.  She’s not targeted to my generation, and while I do find the brand of pre-packaged multimedia branding to be offensive and insulting to anyone with a modicum of intelligence, I refuse to fight the cultural battle against her.  Yes, she represents the worst in corporate-constructed and test-market-tuned pop culture, but she’s another generation’s problem.

Another generation’s fabulously campy problem, might I add.  I get that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes a teen pop sensation is just a teen pop sensation, but take a gander at this absolute insanity and tell me that twelve-year-old boys of a certain predilection are not squealing their way through this movie:

Hell, it kinda makes me squealy, but I’m an utter joke like that.  Let’s discuss, though, as to why this trailer somehow manages to wrangle the giggles out of me.

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Today is a Sad Day: Lindsay Lohan’s Career is Pretty Much Dead
April 14, 2009

Do you remember the halcyon spring of 2004 when a glorious teen comedy brought a sparkling and perky teen starlet’s freckled face into our life?  Of course you do!  How can you forget Mean Girls?  Wait, you kinda have, you say?  Why?  Was it the infamous coke-pants?  The multiple stints in rehab?  Or perhaps I Know Who Killed Me?  Maybe the (not really at all) shocking lesbian relationship?  Was it Fornarina?  Okay, fine, I guess it’s easier to overshadow Lindsay Lohan’s early potential nearly five year’s down the road, but I dare you to watch this and try and tell me that–at one point–you didn’t think Lindsay Lohan was the cutest:

So much cuteness, but it now seems so bittersweet.  Even the few brief minutes of the trailer remind me of the sweet scent that was her seemingly promising career; now, though, you vaguely suspect that Lindsay Lohan’s career just smells like cigarettes and train wrecks.  And, judging by this Funny or Die video that’s been making its rounds on the internet today, she likely smells of desperation as well:

[UPDATE (7/9/09): The YouTube version of this clip has been yanked, but the link above to Funny or Die still takes you straight to this train wreck of a “comedy” video]

Oh, HAHAHA, she’s capable of poking fun at herself!  Self-deprecating celebrities are just like us!  This is soooo hysterical, y’all!  Except that this is actually just uncomfortably sad.  Not because we’re cruelly picking on a young ingenue who is without fault (because, to be fair, she has many, and they’ve unfortunately brought her to this current place); no, this video is pathetic because this is what it looks like when celebrity culture consumes someone whole.

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