Archive for October, 2011

This Is What Happens When Beyoncé Lets a Fan Sing
October 26, 2011

It’s straight up magical, naturally. B.’s excited (maybe?). This girl’s excited (definitely). Are you excited? You should be excited. Get excited, y’all:

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Mark Block’s Ad for Herman Cain: “Now is the time for action!”
October 25, 2011

Is it way Mark Block uses his words (robot awkward), the “Was it as good for you?” drag he takes from his cigarette, the au-currant-power-pop-meets-jingoism theme song, or the Herman Cain nightmare smile that only a mother an America hungry for action could love? I don’t know, y’all, but whatever it is, this Herman Cain ad is some kind of (batshit) wonderful.

And you know, if politics really is theater, then this is on par with a production of Cats as directed by Corky St. Clair.

Much love to Jenkins for this one.

Here’s Some Really Great Dancing at an Outdoor Rave for Your Friday
October 21, 2011

You might think Black Tank Top’s having all the fun (check out her cool dance moves! Arms! Head bops! ARMS! COOL MOVES, GIRLFRIEND!!!), but you’d be wrong! It’s actually Red Polo that’s winning this outdoor rave. Seriously. He’s killing it like a zombie. Here, just take a look, and you’ll see what I’m talking about:

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Lindsay Lohan Is Serving Us a White-Hot Plate of Dental Glamour
October 14, 2011

Mere nights ago, international lady of leisure, should’ve-been-Swan-Queen, and perennial tabloid critter Lindsay Lohan stepped out to an event to bring the paparazzi the sort refined elegance only a hobo corpse playing dress-up in a Forever 21 dumpster could offer. Just kidding! As usual, she looked gorgeous, so before you start trying to cast shade upon such pristinely polished beauty, let me remind you what her rep (Dina Lohan with the voice changer from the Scream movies, most likely) had to say to People:

Lindsay is widely acknowledged as one of the most stunning actresses of her day, and we get requests every week wanting to do photo shoots with her from top photographers.

She’s been on the cover of Vanity Fair and the top beauty and fashion magazines. She’s a beautiful and glamorous actress.

With everything going on – from deteriorating public education to rampant homelessness to international unrest – there is no way I’m going to comment on Lindsay’s teeth.

Don’t you get it, internet? She’s an actress! Never mind that her hands look like those of a street walker practicing her craft with sand paper and Sharpie markers; SHE’S READY FOR HER CLOSE-UP, MR. DEMILLE:

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“Let’s Go!” Roller Skatin’ With Rollerman and YourRadioFriend
October 12, 2011

On one hand, I can already taste the janky pizza (Little Caesars, for when even Domino’s is just too high brow) and half-flat soda that were so commonplace to the birthday parties spent at the local roller rink, Sparkles. Oh, how they scattered my youth like shards of light refracted from a mirrorball upon the hardwood floor. Nostalgia: ’tis a carousel OR a roller rink, y’all. Both go in circles! DISCUSS, DON DRAPERS.

But, on the other hand, we will probably never be able to skate that hip (so hip!), so on second thought:

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This Woman at KFC Isn’t Being Rude. She Just Wants More Butter!
October 10, 2011

After the jump, we have a video of a the long lost third member of The Good Girls, who’s apparently preemptively traded in the glamorous life of global superstardom for an even more glamorous life as a British bag lady. NO! It’s woman throwing a sh*tfit at a KFC in Brighton. The crime? They won’t give her any more butter! Sacré beurre! (See what I did there?) Anyways, the language is salty, so if you happen to be at work, you probably shouldn’t be on this site pinkies out and headphones up, y’all:

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What ELSE Should the Internet Have Empire Strikes Back Reveal Kid React To?
October 7, 2011

Don’t get me wrong, y’all. The above video of one kid’s legitimately adorable reaction to the climactic reveal in The Empire Strikes Back is worthy of its viral status. I mean, it’s basically a ticking ovary time bomb of cold-fusion cuteness. But wouldn’t the parents rather experience such a moment without the filter of a Flip Cam, or do parents just record and upload anything to YouTube these days? I don’t know. I didn’t write the chapter on making your child a momentary internet super star, which is good, because it’d look like this:

  1. Sparkle!
  2. More Dolls!
  3. SPARKLE!

Patty Duke would be proud, but Children’s Services? Not so much, but I digress.

As I was saying, this being the internet, when Videogum’s Kelly joked that it’ll be great to start recording childrens’ reactions to every movie (like David Fincher’s Se7en, for example), the internet must naturally abide:

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Steve Jobs (1955-2011)
October 6, 2011

steve jobs

By now, I’m sure we’ve all heard the sad news of Steve Jobs’s untimely passing after a long, brave battle with pancreatic cancer. This not being a tech blog, perhaps it doesn’t quite fall under the banner of things covered by a little corner of the internet where camp is queen. That said, it would feel even more inappropriate to not offer a moment of gratitude to Mr. Jobs for all that he’s done throughout the years.

So thank you, Mr. Jobs, for the iMac and the MacBook and the iPod and the iPhone that have changed how we interface with technology and experience and enjoy music and film. They help make this blog possible.

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Paula Deen Has Some Words for Regina George
October 5, 2011

paula deen mean girls regina george is butter a carb

And so Paula Deen decreed: YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!

Much love to B. Lo for this one.

Nuns Doing Karate! I Repeat: We’ve Got Nuns Doing Karate!
October 3, 2011

Here is a video of some nuns doing Karate and Aikido, which is obviously a great way to start the week (no duh!), but seeing as it’s a video of nuns doing Karate and Aikido, it raises all sorts of questions. For example: Is this real? Also: If this isn’t real, can we please pretend it’s real? Furthermore: Wait, did that nun just put that dude in a choke hold with her Rosary and then punch him in the balls?!? And most importantly: Is this better than when Joan Crawford did her Judo chops? Haha, that last one’s a trick question! IT’S NOT.

Much love to Buzzfeed for this one.

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