He Used to Love Doggy Chow, Too

April 11, 2015 - One Response

craigslist missed connection cat food manners

Cristal: You’ve got great manners. They’re really beautiful.

Nomi: Thanks.

Cristal: I like nice manners. I always have, how about you?

Nomi: I like having nice manners.

Cristal: How you like having ’em?

Nomi: What do you mean?

Cristal: You know what I mean.

Nomi: I like having them with a fork, in a can of cat food.

[hamburgermilk via I Have Seen The Whole Of The Internet]

TGIF! Now Here’s Emily Blunt and Anne Hathaway in a Lip Sync Battle

April 10, 2015 - One Response

You know, it’s odd to me that two of the stars of The Devil Wears Prada doing a highly produced Lip Sync for Your Life isn’t a thing that has already aired on Logo, but I digress.

Emily Blunt and Anne Hathaway were on Lip Sync Battle last night. Emily Blunt performed Janis Joplin’s “Piece of My Heart”, Anne Hathaway performed Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball”, and judging by these performances, we don’t have to watch anymore, because this show has already peaked at maximum camp. Seriously, unless they get Nicole Kidman does ping pong trick while lip syncing to Mika’s “Grace Kelly” (it’d be a promotional tie-in to her Lifetime debut), we can stick a fork in this juicy glitterball, ‘cos she’s done. This being a battle, though, my question is: who won?

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Happy Easter, From a Good Egg

April 5, 2015 - Leave a Response

bette davis easter egg

And a happy birthday to Bette Davis! We love you!

[original image via Pinterest]

Where Are Rita Ora’s Eyebrows?

April 4, 2015 - Leave a Response

rita ora no eyebrows

Here’s a picture Rita Ora, whom I’m most familiar with as the ex-girlfriend of a future Taylor Swift song and the francophillic sister in an erotic thriller for third-year law students, did for a photoshoot for Clash Magazine, and it’s really great, if you’re into trichotillomania. Personally, I’ve been studying this picture for the better part of the day, and I’m just as confused as Rita Ora looks in this picture. I mean, really, where are her eyebrows?

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TGIF! Now Here’s Elizabeth Taylor with an Adorable, Matching Dog

April 3, 2015 - One Response

elizabeth taylor with matching dog

Well, it’s Friday once again, and judging by the subways in NYC this morning, practically nobody’s going into work, so why not take a well-deserved break with this glamour photo of Elizabeth Taylor with an adorable, matching dog? It has everything I could ask for while on holiday: elegance, sophistication, the lavender backdrop from a Sears Portrait, jewelry, matching wigs, and Elizabeth Taylor. It even has a puppy, because other people love puppies, too, and why not? It’s Friday, and I’m not a monster!

So happy Friday, everybody! Just whatever you do, don’t ask who wore it better. You already know the answer.

[Image via Spoiled Maltese]

Here’s a Glorious Video of Camille Paglia Talking About Susan Sontag

April 2, 2015 - One Response

camille paglia wgbh susan sontag

Earlier this morning, it was brought to my attention that today is Camille Paglia’s birthday, WHOM I LOVE. At last, I thought, the perfect opportunity to post this WGBH interview with Camille Paglia from the early 1990s! In it, she responds to Susan Sontag’s claim that Sontag had never even heard of Camille Paglia. That is completely insane, according to Camille Paglia, because who hasn’t heard of Camille Paglia, inquired Camille Paglia. My point is: Camille Paglia…and also Susan Sontag! Two favorite intellectual tastes that taste great together!

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This Krispy Kreme Hot Dog Is Not an April Fools’ Joke, Y’all

April 1, 2015 - 2 Responses

krispy kreme hot dog I repeat: this Krispy Kreme Hot Dog is not an April Fools’ joke, y’all. It is a cross-promotion between the New Castle Krispy Kreme and the Wilmington Blue Rocks, a minor league baseball team in Wilmington, Delaware. The Krispy Kreme Hot Dog is a hot dog covered in bacon, drizzled with raspberry jam, and served inside a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

It’s “a new chapter in ballpark concessions”, and that chapter is titled “Sweet Jesus.” It’s a reminder that there is no crying in baseball, but there is an ever-present threat of cardiac arrest. It’s a desperate howl from the monster mouth of a national pastime gone awry. The Krispy Kreme Hot Dog is why you’re Shaq fat, America, and it’s why I wish I knew how to quit you: Read the rest of this entry »

Martha Stewart Reads Well, Should Do Every Comedy Central Roast

March 31, 2015 - Leave a Response

Let’s face it: Martha Stewart is better than us. Martha Stewart is better than us at cooking, she’s better than us at arts and crafts, she’s  better than us at working a stripper pole (unless you’re Nomi Malone, in which case you already know you’re a goddess), and she’s better than us at throwing expert level shade. Case in point: this clip from last night’s Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber. It’s more than a mere argument for why Martha’s read qualifies her for every future Comedy Central Roast; it’s a teachable moment from Paris Is Burning, as all things should be:

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Teletubbies in Black and White, Set to Joy Division

March 28, 2015 - 4 Responses

I find this comforting, like a Bergman movie.

[via Mashable. Much love to Nathan for this.]

TGIF! Now Treat Yo Self With This Sunset Boulevard Spa GIF!

March 27, 2015 - Leave a Response

gloria swanson sunset boulevard spa

It’s Gloria Swanson’s birthday today, and after a week that definitely wasn’t ready for its close-up, Mr. DeMille, we could all use a little Golden Age of Hollywood glamour to put some pep in our step, so let’s put the “GIF” in TGIF with this soothing GIF of Gloria Swanson getting a spa-day massage and facial in Sunset Boulevard. It’s Friday, after all, so let’s all be sure to make like Ms. Swanson treat yo self(.gif)!

[GIF via Jenni Epperson]

An Open “Letter” In Response To The State of Indiana

March 27, 2015 - Leave a Response

That is all.

Cate Blanchett Will Not Have Your Stupid Questions, Either

March 26, 2015 - One Response

cate blanchett cinderella interview

In what I can only hope becomes one of the defining trends of 2015, another incredibly talented actress gave a delightfully Done With It response to a very stupid question. This time, a journalist asked Cate Blanchett a very stupid question about cats on leashes while she was doing press for Cinderella, and Cate Blanchett was not having it at all:

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What’s Your Creative Process?

March 25, 2015 - Leave a Response

It’s important to find a creative process that works for you. What’s yours?

[b3ta by way of I Have Seen The Whole Of The Internet]

Let’s Watch Kristin Chenoweth Take Out Her Hair Extensions

March 24, 2015 - Leave a Response

I don’t know what’s going on here, but sure, why not? After all, isn’t The Talk basically a more drunk The View? Or a less drunk Fourth Hour of Today Show? Regardless, here’s the Kristin Chenoweth and the ladies of The Talk taking out their hair extensions because nobody updated her firmware and Chenbot’s gone rogue! If nothing else, Donnie Osmond looks super sad he couldn’t join in on the fun. Next time, Donnie Osmond.

Happy Birthday, Joan Crawford!

March 23, 2015 - 2 Responses

joac crawford mildred pierce birthday cake

[original image via Girls Do Film]

12 Hot Celebrities Who Should Teach Us How to Navy Shower

March 23, 2015 - Leave a Response

With only a year’s supply of water left, Californians are eager to find ways to conserve water pronto! One of the suggestions I keep hearing about is taking a navy shower, but when you look up how to take a navy shower, you get videos like the one above: informative, serviceable, and not one single sexy famous person in sight! Seriously, is California’s diminishing water supply even an issue if much, much prettier people aren’t telling us it’s a problem? No! And will we pay attention unless it’s a packaged in a listicle that guarantees at least a little nip? NO. There’s but one sensible solution: navy shower educational videos by super hot celebrities.

That’s why I’ve put together this proposed list of twelve blistering hot celebrities who should Show Us Some Peen If You Want Us to Go Green™. The thirst is real, after all, but if these celebs don’t drop trou to take a stand for navy showers, it’s gonna get literal for California, y’all:

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Wrestling Is a Low Sport

March 22, 2015 - Leave a Response

Everything about this scene from Foxcatcher is perfect, except for the topic of conversation, which is wrestling. It’s a low sport, as you know.

This Is Just a Very Good Cover by Twin Shadow

March 21, 2015 - Leave a Response

I’m not saying that this is a passing of the torch, because nobody will replace U2 in my book (or my blog), but I am saying that I’ve been listening to the new Twin Shadow album Eclipse on non-stop repeat and that this is just a very good cover of “With or Without You” that I’ve also been listening to on non-stop repeat. Sure, it doesn’t hurt that he’s super duper dreamy, but I digress. Old obsession, meet new obsession.

TGIF! Now Here’s Jessica Lange’s Perfect Response to Lady Gaga Joining American Horror Story

March 20, 2015 - Leave a Response

The internet has momentarily clutched its pearls and lost its damn mind over over whatever this means, and oh dear god, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!? Well, whatever it means, it’s perfect.

The consensus seems to be that Jessica Lange shaded Lady Gaga over her joining the cast of American Horror Story: Hotel, so shots fired, queens! And sure, while that’s entirely possible, I think we should all be asking what kind of dumb question is “Does Gaga convince you [Jessica Lange] to stay for another season?” Seriously, what does that mean? Jessica Lange is Jessica F***ing Lange, and she does as she pleases, no questions asked!

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These Are Some Good Reactions to Getting Left Out of Joan Crawford’s Will

March 19, 2015 - 2 Responses

In case you’re wondering, these reactions come from the Joan Crawford episode of The Will, a TV docudrama about scandalous will disagreements. That may sound ridiculous, because it is, but if contract law can get people hot and bothered, estate law surely must have its own aficionados. And while a pretty traumatic tort encounter quickly put the kibosh on my experimental 20s before I ever got into inheritance law, I do love me anything Joan Crawford, so that’s why we’re here talking about this.

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