Archive for the ‘Critical Consensus’ Category

For Your Consideration in Camp: Highlights from the Burlesque Rotten Tomatoes Pull Quotes
November 24, 2010

When you think about how often I freak my freak out over Showgirls, you might’ve figured I’d have been flailing my fey little blog hands (like spirit fingers across the keyboard, if you will) on the daily when it came to the Cher and Xtina cinematic extravaganza, Burlesque.  After all, any movie musical set in the world of burlesque theater starring Cher and Christina Aguilera could very well be the next Showgirls, and at the very least it’s sure to wrestle away the crown–or would it be wig?–for Gayest Movie Ever (sorry, Gang Bang Bottoms 17).  If nothing else, it’s a testament to my unabashed faggotry that so many people shared the trailer with me as if I wasn’t all over it (thanks, you guys!!!).  Believe me, ladyfriends, I was.  It’s just that I ended up doing a bunch of this whenever I watched the trailer.  But with a whole lot more rainbow confetti.  You know, the usual homo things stuff.

ANYWAYS, Burlesque is out today, so obviously I’m excited (so excited!).  More importantly, though, that means the reviews for Burlesque are out (so excited!), which means the critics consensus over at Rotten Tomatoes has spoken: Burlesque sits at rather bleak 32% over at Rotten Tomatoes (so scared!).  Could my greatest fear–that Burlesque could be a Sex and the City 2 instead of a Showgirls–be true?!?  Mais non, mes soeurs.  I’ve gathered a few delectable quotes (with a dash of commentary) to give us hope that Burlesque could in fact be the Great Camp Hope for which we’ve all been waiting:

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What Do You Mean Obsessed Wasn’t Prescreened for Critics?
April 24, 2009

Never mind that I’ve got a heightened case of the Fridays given that, after a seemingly interminable winter, spring has finally quit it with the false starts and seems to officially be upon us.  I seriously just want to skip down the streets singing “Put on Your Sunday Clothes” from Hello, Dolly! while doing my very best jazz hands.  It should be illegal to keep offices open on a day like today.  Illegal, I say!

Anywhosie, all of that’s only compounding the fact that I’m already way too excitable about getting off of work today to go see Obsessed.  Now, of course, Rotten Tomatoes has gone and added the last, yet most integral, seasoning to turn Obsessed into a perfectly crafted CannotWait Stew.  As of this morning, this is the Rotten Tomatoes score for Obsessed:

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Yes, that’s correct.  Do not adjust your monitor or question the prescription strength of your contacts or glasses.  Obsessed, the movie that has clearly revealed itself as 2009’s first great (camp) film, has NOT been prescreened for critics.  I know, I know.  I’m in a state of utter shock that Hollywood doesn’t have enough faith in the movie that’s obviously containing some of the year’s best performances and sexiest moments.  This just goes to prove what we’ve long suspected: movie critics are nothing more than a bunch of uptight, old biddies that wouldn’t know a good movie if it bit them on the ass.  

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For the Lovers of Bad Movies, One Thing is Clear: We’re All Going to See Knowing This Weekend
March 21, 2009

As of late this evening, the critical consensus on Knowing sits at a rather bleak 24% according to Rotten Tomatoes.  That essentially means 24 of every 100 film critics actually liked the movie, or–in monetary terms–Knowing can’t even rank as a quarter.  Then, when you check their top critics section, you get this:

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The standard Rotten Tomatoes score includes plenty of online critics; it’s more democratic in one sense in that it allows any person with a domain name and a knack for film criticism can have their opinion considered in the Rotten Tomatoes score.  With enough work and effort, I could have my opinions be a part of this equation.  Given my personal tastes and predilections with film, that’s rather horrifying.  I don’t even want me suggesting what middle-America should see; they’d probably come after me with pitchforks and torches and burning effigies as they demanded my blood.  So, yeah, I take that score with a grain of salt.

But the top critics score, the score delivered by the men and women that make their careers to watch and critique movies, means professional film critics REALLY hate this movie.  These are the people that see the artistic heights and depths of the medium so that they can guide audiences towards the best that’s screening in theaters, and they think Knowing is a hot mess of crashing planes and trains.  I could piddle my pants at how excited this makes me.

Oops, too late.

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Whatever the Way, Watchmen Will Be Amazing
March 8, 2009

Later today, after months of anticipation, I’ll be seeing this nonsense:

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The poster alone is positively ridiculous, and judging by the reviews, so is the movie.  I keep on hearing talk that the acting is essentially tone-deaf and that the movie is life-less and fetishistic of its source material, but that merely gives me hope.

Given that I’ve never read Watchmen and therefore have no basis for criticism as an adaptation, I merely get to watch it as a movie.  And, as I see it, Watchmen will either be completely enthralling as an intelligent deconstruction of super-hero mythologies (as the graphic novel apparently is), or Watchmen will be absolutely terrible.  We’re talking Batman & Robin terrible.  As far as I’m concerned, that’s excellent.

I’ll certainly give Zack Snyder slack seeing as he’s tackling an incredibly ambitious text with multiple narratives within narratives that doesn’t particularly lend itself to film.  Added to that, there’s been much talk about how DVD releases of the film will only increase the nearly-three-hour running time so that even more of the comic can find its way onto our screens.  Watchmen, or at least the incarnation that’s been released into theaters this weekend, is obviously little more than a cinematic working draft for Snyder, and that’s fine.  We’ll all have to wait months more to witness his true vision, and that’s perfectly acceptable.

Particularly if Watchmen is terrible.

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