Archive for the ‘Random Things’ Category

Try and Say Something Nice: Batman v. Superman Edition
March 27, 2016

batman-v-superman-kiss-kiss-kiss-30-rock

If you can’t say something nice, it’s entirely likely you’re having a conversation about Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. It’s just not good! Still, while I fully intend to bitch and moan about it’s failure as camp, I decided this year that my One Blog Rule would to not be such a bemoaning bitch, so I thought it best to first say a few nice things about Batman v. Superman: Just Make Out Already. If for nothing else, it’s insurance against anybody who insists I’m just a hater who doesn’t get it.

Anyways, here they are:

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Happy National Puppy Day from Joan Crawford, Her Shih Tzu, and a Dog’s Reaction to Elizabeth Taylor
March 23, 2016

joan crawford 1976 shih tzu princess lotus blossom

While perhaps technically not puppy talk, I think National Puppy Day is as good a time as any to draw everyone’s attention to this 1976 photograph of Joan Crawford taken by John Engstead. Besides, it’s Joan Crawford’s birthday, too, so it’s definitely apropos.

This is among the last publicized photos of Joan, and more importantly, it’s with her shih tzu, Princess Lotus Blossom, which is a perfect name for any dog, but particularly a shih tzu, and most particularly a shih tzu owned by Joan Crawford.

Yes, Princess Lotus Blossom. Let it roll off your tongue, paws pause for appreciation, and let it stay with you. Princess Lotus Blossom. Positively perfect in every way.

And if you’d rather with a nonsense pet video to celebrate National Puppy Day, this little corner of the internet where camp is queen can inexplicably cover that, too, because here’s a video of a dog reacting to a great Elizabeth Taylor moment:

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Happy Pi Day, Everybody!
March 14, 2016

Mildred Pierce pie

My mother, a waitress! Aren’t the pis bad enough? Did you have to degrade us? (Don’t answer that.)

[pic via Bitch Flicks]

Happy 70th Birthday With a “B”, Liza With a “Z”!
March 12, 2016

liza minnelli 70th birthday cake rent a cop

You’re a consummate entertainer, an unwavering source of joy on this blog, and a true Hollywood legend. It’s only fitting your celebration be bigger than your hair in Rent-a-Cop (the biggest), and better than wearing teal leather gloves (the best) or bossing around Burt Reynolds (also the best). Happy 70th birthday, Liza!!!

[Original Rent-a-Cop still via Kino.de]

You Can’t Just Ask People Why They’re Ebola
March 10, 2016

Look, far be it for me, the person who’s recent blog exploits have included making GIFs of a Broad City Yas Queen/Queen Amidala mashup and Hannibal Lecter wearing Rooney Mara’s blunt bangs, to judge what anybody does on the internet, particularly anybody who’s nom de YouTube is Versais Demauve. I mean, really, were there ever some strange kindred spirit out there, filling the internet with bullsh*t nonsense and Showgirls references, this might be that person, so instead of asking “WHYYY?!?“, I won’t. After all, this is the Internet, where you shouldn’t ask people “WHYYY?!?“, and you can’t ask them why they’re Ebola.

Geez, Karen.

Vegas Has Everything
March 7, 2016

And yes, I could.

TGIF! Now Here’s the Current State of the U.S. Political Conversation
March 4, 2016

In case you missed it (and you know missed it), Donald Trump took a moment out of last night’s Republican Debate on Fox News to talk about his penis, which he guarantees “there’s no problem.” This all came about, mind you, after Marco Rubio apparently made a comment about Donald Trump having small hands, which he inferred meant other things were small, too. I see you, Rubio, you shady queen. The crowd ate it up like it was an all-you-can-eat sausage buffet, which I guess makes the Republican constituency a Samantha. Dickalicious, indeed.

Since I only understand things in terms of Showgirls references, I did a Google search for the line “She looks better than a ten inch dick and you know it.” I’d have settled for a GIF of Henrietta Bazoom to drop into this post, but instead I found the safe-for-work image results of a whole lotta not-Showgirls and lo-and-behold I sh*t you not our two new friends:

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She’s Got Bette Davis Eyes Dress
March 1, 2016

whoopi goldberg oscars 2016

I’d meant to mention yesterday that Whoopi Goldberg looking amaaazing at the Academy Awards, but by the time I got to writing my pitch for a sequel to Carol Oscar wrap-up, I was already food drunk off a store-bought stromboli and an entire box of sadness (Elio’s frozen pizza), so whoopsi*. But this just means Whoopi gets her own post, which is better for us all. And besides, at least I never confused Whoopi with Oprah Winfrey.

ANYWAYS, Whoopi Goldberg’s Oscar ensemble says she’s got an EGOT and a bankful of The View money. She’s looking fabulous and giving zero f*cks, and I love that she’s brought out her tattoo and a giant octopus bracelet to accent her classic black dress. But wait! Speaking of “classic”, it gets Bette!**

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A Few Scant Thoughts on the 88th Annual Academy Awards
February 29, 2016

joan crawford oscars 1946

Seeing as it’d feel odd to not follow up yesterday’s predictions with at least some sort of wrap-up, but also seeing as I’d much rather eat an entire stromboli and get caught up on The People v. OJ Simpson, here’s a few scant thoughts on the 88th annual Academy Awards. It’s just enough to say “I still care” without it ending in a caterwaul of famished sobs:

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Kate McKinnon’s Carol Parody, and a Few Oscar Predictions
February 28, 2016

Kate McKinnon and Kumail Nanjiani’s Carol parody from the 2016 Spirit Awards has been all over my Facebook feed since this morning. It’s a nice reminder of the company that I keep online and, better still, a reason to use the “Lesbians” tag twice in one week, so here it is. As I feel like I’m on a roll, sapphically speaking, maybe I’ll treat myself to a clandestine glove lunch of creamed spinach and poached eggs to celebrate.

Also, as it’s mere hours before the Academy Awards, I thought I’d spitball a few predictions for the award winners and the show in general:

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This Week In: Accomplishments
February 20, 2016

notes on a scandal gold star

You might not know this about me, but Judi Dench in Notes on a Scandal and I are basically the same person. For one thing, we are both aging spinsters with huge lesbian crushes on Cate Blanchett. More notably, though, we both like giving gold stars to life’s accomplishments, and those accomplishments could be anything.

For example, this could’ve been the week you got $500 off a lap dance and bought yourself that dress you’ve always wanted from Versayce, which is in The Forum. Maybe you remembered to floss each night, or moisturize, or perhaps it had to be enough to just show up to work each day and not “accidentally” run your hand through Cate Blanchett’s hair again.

My point is that I don’t know your life, and you don’t know mine, but I do know that this week my accomplishments include being discovered through this sophisticated gem of a search engine term:

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TGIF! Now Here’s the Robot Apocalypse Doing Your Lipstick
February 19, 2016

lipstick robot

This blog is more than just a pretty face and and unending parade of Showgirls references and camp appreciation. It’s also a corner of the Internet where we stand vigilant against the impending Robot Apocalypse. You can hoard guns and buy gold all you want, but neither sophisticated weaponry nor the shiny appeal of precious metals shall soften the robots’ vice-like grip of enslavement.

You may think this is a joke, but it’s no laughing matter, and if you don’t believe me, here’s chilling footage from Simone Giertz of our future robot overlords’ latest target, glamour:

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It’s Valentine’s Day, So Here’s Oscar Isaac and Carla Gugino Performing “Love Is The Drug”
February 14, 2016

oscar isaac carla gugino sucker punch love is the drug

As if that wasn’t enough to make all your Valentine’s Day dreams come true, if you squint hard enough at this pic you can pretend Carla Gugino’s pegging Oscar Isaac, which I’ve been told is very on trend in 2016.

ANYWAYS, here’s the Internet’s Latest Boyfriend, Oscar Isaac, and forever object of my camp affection, Carla Gugino, covering Roxy Music’s “Love Is The Drug” in a deleted scene from Zack Snyder’s Zack-Snyder-iest movie, Sucker Punch:

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Elizabeth Taylor’s Ash Wednesday, Again: Another Barely Topical Ash Wednesday Post
February 10, 2016

elizabeth taylor ash wednesday vhs art

The last time I gave something up for Lent, it was Entenmenn’s baked goods, and I celebrated the end of Lent by hurling myself into a bedful of marble loaf cakes screaming “TAKE ME BACK!” Since I’m still finding crumbs in my bedding, I’ve decided it best to once again giving in to daily blogging, as well as taking today to make mention of the Ash Wednesday that soothes my spirit, Elizabeth Taylor’s 1973 plastic-surgery-and-marital-discord Eurodrama, Ash Wednesday(more…)

Apropos of Mardi Gras, Here’s How to Make a Mardi Gras Balloon Hat
February 9, 2016

The thing she likes about hats is that’s where you get to be creative, and the think I like about this video is that it’s at once informative and entirely improvisatory. Take, for example, the fact there’s a glossary of specific balloon crafts terminology; and also, that this hat is called the Mardi Gras Hat is because one time somebody at her restaurant asked her for a Mardi Gras hat, so there you go.

Pearl away, y’all, and Happy Mardi Gras!

 

Scant Thoughts on Super Bowl 50
February 8, 2016

id4 resurgence super bowl football stadium

As the French would say, je ne suis pas sportif, but if I’ve got two things going for me, it’s a thirst for pop culture and a fear of missing out, so here are a few scant thoughts regarding FootBowl 50: Still a Thing!

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Bonne Anniversaire, Blog; or, Welcome to the Seven Year Itch
February 3, 2016

 

blog birthday cake seven year itch

Maybe it’s just me, but birthdays are a bit of a weird thing, and blog birthdays weirder still. I’m a sucker for the sentiment, but often at a loss for what to do with them. In years past, I’ve tried to be pithy about it, but these days pithy feels frivolous and deflective, so please pardon me while I interrupt our irregularly scheduled programming for a little sentimental reflection. Think of this as a fresh start, a (re)introduction.

Hello, this is Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner, and I’m a blogoholic.

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Never Forget Groundhog Day 2014
February 2, 2016

It’s Groundhog Day today, which means a groundhog may or may not see its shadow, we may or may not have six more weeks of winter, and whatever the weather, we’ll definitely continue to avoid facing the realities of climate change. So in lieu of a conversation about carbon taxes (blech, so boring!), let’s never forget Groundhog Day 2014, a Groundhog Day that will live in infamy. (more…)

Happy Easter, From a Good Egg
April 5, 2015

bette davis easter egg

And a happy birthday to Bette Davis! We love you!

[original image via Pinterest]

TGIF! Now Here’s Elizabeth Taylor with an Adorable, Matching Dog
April 3, 2015

elizabeth taylor with matching dog

Well, it’s Friday once again, and judging by the subways in NYC this morning, practically nobody’s going into work, so why not take a well-deserved break with this glamour photo of Elizabeth Taylor with an adorable, matching dog? It has everything I could ask for while on holiday: elegance, sophistication, the lavender backdrop from a Sears Portrait, jewelry, matching wigs, and Elizabeth Taylor. It even has a puppy, because other people love puppies, too, and why not? It’s Friday, and I’m not a monster!

So happy Friday, everybody! Just whatever you do, don’t ask who wore it better. You already know the answer.

[Image via Spoiled Maltese]

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