Let’s face it: Martha Stewart is better than us. Martha Stewart is better than us at cooking, she’s better than us at arts and crafts, she’s better than us at working a stripper pole (unless you’re Nomi Malone, in which case you already know you’re a goddess), and she’s better than us at throwing expert level shade. Case in point: this clip from last night’s Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber. It’s more than a mere argument for why Martha’s read qualifies her for every future Comedy Central Roast; it’s a teachable moment from Paris Is Burning, as all things should be:
Archive for March, 2015
TGIF! Now Treat Yo Self With This Sunset Boulevard Spa GIF!
March 27, 2015
It’s Gloria Swanson’s birthday today, and after a week that definitely wasn’t ready for its close-up, Mr. DeMille, we could all use a little Golden Age of Hollywood glamour to put some pep in our step, so let’s put the “GIF” in TGIF with this soothing GIF of Gloria Swanson getting a spa-day massage and facial in Sunset Boulevard. It’s Friday, after all, so let’s all be sure to make like Ms. Swanson treat yo self(.gif)!
[GIF via Jenni Epperson]
An Open “Letter” In Response To The State of Indiana
March 27, 2015
That is all.
Let’s Watch Kristin Chenoweth Take Out Her Hair Extensions
March 24, 2015
I don’t know what’s going on here, but sure, why not? After all, isn’t The Talk basically a more drunk The View? Or a less drunk Fourth Hour of Today Show? Regardless, here’s the Kristin Chenoweth and the ladies of The Talk taking out their hair extensions because nobody updated her firmware and Chenbot’s gone rogue! If nothing else, Donnie Osmond looks super sad he couldn’t join in on the fun. Next time, Donnie Osmond.
12 Hot Celebrities Who Should Teach Us How to Navy Shower
March 23, 2015
With only a year’s supply of water left, Californians are eager to find ways to conserve water pronto! One of the suggestions I keep hearing about is taking a navy shower, but when you look up how to take a navy shower, you get videos like the one above: informative, serviceable, and not one single sexy famous person in sight! Seriously, is California’s diminishing water supply even an issue if much, much prettier people aren’t telling us it’s a problem? No! And will we pay attention unless it’s a packaged in a listicle that guarantees at least a little nip? NO. There’s but one sensible solution: navy shower educational videos by super hot celebrities.
That’s why I’ve put together this proposed list of twelve blistering hot celebrities who should Show Us Some Peen If You Want Us to Go Green™. The thirst is real, after all, but if these celebs don’t drop trou to take a stand for navy showers, it’s gonna get literal for California, y’all:
Wrestling Is a Low Sport
March 22, 2015
Everything about this scene from Foxcatcher is perfect, except for the topic of conversation, which is wrestling. It’s a low sport, as you know.
This Is Just a Very Good Cover by Twin Shadow
March 21, 2015
I’m not saying that this is a passing of the torch, because nobody will replace U2 in my book (or my blog), but I am saying that I’ve been listening to the new Twin Shadow album Eclipse on non-stop repeat and that this is just a very good cover of “With or Without You” that I’ve also been listening to on non-stop repeat. Sure, it doesn’t hurt that he’s super duper dreamy, but I digress. Old obsession, meet new obsession.
TGIF! Now Here’s Jessica Lange’s Perfect Response to Lady Gaga Joining American Horror Story
March 20, 2015
The internet has momentarily clutched its pearls and lost its damn mind over over whatever this means, and oh dear god, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!? Well, whatever it means, it’s perfect.
The consensus seems to be that Jessica Lange shaded Lady Gaga over her joining the cast of American Horror Story: Hotel, so shots fired, queens! And sure, while that’s entirely possible, I think we should all be asking what kind of dumb question is “Does Gaga convince you [Jessica Lange] to stay for another season?” Seriously, what does that mean? Jessica Lange is Jessica F***ing Lange, and she does as she pleases, no questions asked!
In case you’re wondering, these reactions come from the Joan Crawford episode of The Will, a TV docudrama about scandalous will disagreements. That may sound ridiculous, because it is, but if contract law can get people hot and bothered, estate law surely must have its own aficionados. And while a pretty traumatic tort encounter quickly put the kibosh on my experimental 20s before I ever got into inheritance law, I do love me anything Joan Crawford, so that’s why we’re here talking about this.
Dear Internet: More Daddy’s Boy, Please!
March 18, 2015
As someone who separately appreciates the words 1938, musical, and train wreck but can really clutch some pearls upon their combination, I am telling you
I’m not going this is not nearly enough Daddy’s Boy. We want Daddy’s Boy uncut! We need the full length!
So don’t listen to Robert Osborne, and make it so, interwebs. Or at the very least, make it a Kickstarter.
It’s St. Patrick’s Day, So Here’s the “Ultra Violet (Light My Way)” Video from U2’s Zoo TV Tour
March 17, 2015
Since it’s St. Patrick’s Day, I thought I’d post this clip of the “Ultra Violet (Light My Way)” video content from U2’s Zoo TV tour. This is one of my most favorite U2 eras from my favorite U2 eras, plus I unequivocally adore Edge’s guitar work at the bridge. It isn’t camp, but U2 has long been my other…magnificent obession, so I’d feel remiss not to. Besides, a high school friend told me when I first came out that she knew I was gay because I “liked even 90s U2”, so that’s gotta count for something, right?
Ann-Margret Is a F***ing Maniac
March 16, 2015
My most favorite thing about Ann-Margret (other than, well, everything) is that she’s the rare star whose entire career is a triumph of naive camp. Just look at her, and look at those two dancers behind her, and tell me they’re all not screaming “YASSS, ANN-MARGRET, YASSSSS!”…with their eyes.
Sure, other actresses slip into camp from time to time like it’s a luxuriously beaded chemise, but Ann-Margret is that beaded chemise, plus an abundantly thrusty sexuality I might blame on a low blood sugar, but most Americans insist is just European. Insulin and exotic are only a few letters apart, after all.
Just a reminder that this is Ryan Gosling, actor and Internet’s Boyfriend, as a fictionalized version of Robert Durst, recently arrested accused murderer and subject of The Jinx, in drag. I don’t recall All Good Things being very good, but this is definitely a memorable look. That is all.
Happy Pi Day with Mildred Pierce!
March 14, 2015
TGIFriday the 13th, Now Here’s Betsy Palmer as Mrs. Voorhees
March 13, 2015
In the annals of great camp performances, I think Betsy Palmer’s turn as Mrs. Voorhees is the (over the)tops, and since it’s apropos of today, here she is simply killing it (literally) in Friday the 13th as one of my favorite horror movie mommie dearests this side of Vera Farmiga’s Norma Bates and Ronee Blakley in A Nightmare on Elm Street:
Since today is Liza Minnelli’s birthday, what better way to celebrate the Hollywood royalty, living legend, national treasure, and personal blog/ drag inspiration that is La Liza than for Justin Sayre of the Meeting of the International Order of the Sodomites to remind you that Liza Minnelli is cooler than you: (more…)