She’s Got Bette Davis Eyes Dress
March 1, 2016

whoopi goldberg oscars 2016

I’d meant to mention yesterday that Whoopi Goldberg looking amaaazing at the Academy Awards, but by the time I got to writing my pitch for a sequel to Carol Oscar wrap-up, I was already food drunk off a store-bought stromboli and an entire box of sadness (Elio’s frozen pizza), so whoopsi*. But this just means Whoopi gets her own post, which is better for us all. And besides, at least I never confused Whoopi with Oprah Winfrey.

ANYWAYS, Whoopi Goldberg’s Oscar ensemble says she’s got an EGOT and a bankful of The View money. She’s looking fabulous and giving zero f*cks, and I love that she’s brought out her tattoo and a giant octopus bracelet to accent her classic black dress. But wait! Speaking of “classic”, it gets Bette!**

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Red Carpet Footage from the 25th Annual Academy Awards
February 27, 2016

Here’s some red carpet footage from the 25th Annual Academy Awards, better known as the year Joan Crawford and Better Davis were nominated for Best Actress in Sudden Fear and The Star, respectively. What a year! They both lost to Shirley Booth for Come Back, Little Sheba. I’d say they were both ROBBED, but I haven’t seen Come Back, Little Sheba, so I can’t be sure, but still: ROBBED (probably).

Anyways, I highly recommend watching this red carpet footage, because it makes more recent red carpet events look like Casual Fridays. It’s got diamonds, pearls, furs, a young Elizabeth Taylor, more diamonds, more pearls, more furs, a young Paul Newman, tons of f*cking sequins, tulle, yet even more diamonds and furs and pearls, and Joan Crawford. Et tu, Oscars 2016?

Happy Easter, From a Good Egg
April 5, 2015

bette davis easter egg

And a happy birthday to Bette Davis! We love you!

[original image via Pinterest]

Steve’s Got Bette Davis Eyes…
November 9, 2013

steve buscemi bette davis eyes

She’ll unease you, indeed…

Here’s Steve Buscemi with Bette Davis eyes, because internet memes and 80s pop songs make for strange, ouroborosian bedfellows. So exquisite.

[White-hot glamour pic via Bobby Finger]

The Nina Sayers of Quizno’s Ads
March 28, 2011

They’ve used nightmare hamsters of the interwebs:

D*ck-starved oven monsters:

And, most recently, a Bette-Davis-drag-queen-lookalike who is actually just some lady channeling Bette circa Jezebel and wearing clown makeup circa Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?:

All of them have danced the dance, for sure, but who shall be Quizno’s Marketing’s Swan Queen?

Ah, yes:

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In Honor of Bette Davis’s Birthday, Small Pleasures of Now, Voyager
April 5, 2010

Beyond the singular pleasure that comes from watching a pitch perfect, classic Hollywood melodrama or the preternatural pleasure that is all but inevitable when witnessing Bette Davis’s deeply moving turn as Charlotte Vale, there are plenty of smaller pleasures to be gleaned from Now, Voyager.  Pleasures like Bette Davis wearing the most fabulous movie hat to end all movie hats:

Seriously, Bette Davis’s hat gives all other movie hats hat envy. Particularly Kate Winslet’s hat from the beginning of Titanic.  It’s a movies-with-narratives-that-prominently-feature-cruise-ships thing.

And here’s Bette Davis knitting while wearing the sort of sunglasses that make me long for a time when sunglass–and the rest of the world–stood for things that really mattered.  Namely glamour:

Some people might say that it’s those sunglasses cover up those Bette Davis eyes. Everyone will say I should get off the stage for writing such an embarrassing pun.

Oh!  And I’d be remiss to not mention the greatest Now, Voyager gift of all:

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Fan Videos+Madonna+Classic Hollywood Montage=Perfection
April 11, 2009

I realized late last night that the lack of more gay marriage news has left a profound void in my life for all things homo.  I’m fully aware that change does not come in a single instant; we build the better world we wish to live in through persistent work.  Still, we can all agree that the past week has been, historically speaking, totally gay.  And now we’re back to hum drum normality.  As the newspapers sweep away the glitter of last week’s stories, I ponder: How does one fill the gay-shaped hole that sits in my soul?

With this, that’s how:

Have you ever seen Independence Day?  This video is like that wall of fire when the aliens attack.  Instead of killing you, though, these flames of faggotry make things gayer than a rainbow-colored clown car full of drag queens.

When even Lady Gaga will not do, it’s comforting to know that we can always rely on her Madgesty to gives us a shot of vitamin G (as in gay, le duh) to bring us back to our senses.  This video in particular is like a perfect storm of homosexuality.  Anything Madonna is inherently going to be like wearing a pink feather boa and a little body glitter on your cheeks the the Pride Parade, but the potent additions of a “Vogue”/”4  Minutes” mashup and a montage of classic Hollywood stars to visualize Madonna’s ode-to-the-diva interlude is proof positive that NOM is right: there is gathering, and it totally wants you to strike a pose!

Now that I feel properly reenergized, I think it’s time to go steal some rights.  Look out, doctors in California and parents in Massachusetts!  We will not be content until we’re having gay marriages right in your very home!

¡VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

(Thanks to Dana for this glitterbomb of fabulosity.)

I Feel a Diva Rant a Comin’ On…
February 12, 2009

So I’m not really one for useless random lists that rank the best anything in movies (unless it’s by the AFI, in which I then incessantly pick it apart as if it were a personal affront or affirmation), particularly when these list are generated by sloppy research base of unqualified hooligans that probably spend way to much time on the IMDB message boards debating just how hot Megan Fox is in Transformers (rule of thumb, kids: girls that look like diseased strippers are not hot) and who shot first (Han or Greedo?  WHO CARES?).  They also call each other “gay” when their opinions clash, and they tend to have spelling and grammar skills that make most second graders look like Yale graduates.  Point being, these lists don’t deserve to be reported as news because their research pool are constantly poisoned by men in their mid-30s who still live at home with their mothers.  In the basement.  These people are frequently ignorant and all-around awful, so I probably should’ve just ignored this and moved along with my day.   But sometimes I just can’t.

ANYWAYS. I digress.

I saw this little “news” item over on Celebitchy and got school-girl giddy.  Apparently, a poll was conducted to compile a list of the 20 “Most Timeless Beauties.”  Color me intrigued.  And guess who won?

audreywinner

 

She really is the prettiest!  Those cheekbones!  That smile!  Her eyes!  And look at her appropriated image sell the hell out of some Gap skinny jeans:

I could never wear those pants because a) I have my mother’s hips and b) I’m not a girl, but if I didn’t have my mothers hips and an XY chromosome set, I’d totally rock those pants.  And by “rock those pants,” I mean do that dance to AC/DC’s “Back in Black” in the privacy of my own bedroom.  And then maybe post it to Youtube.

Maybe this list can be trusted, right?  (Wrong.)  Let’s see who’s number two!

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