Archive for the ‘Trailers’ Category

This Teaser Trailer for The Iron Lady Has Got Me So Excited
July 7, 2011

I never before realized that all it takes to sell me on a movie is music from Clint Mansell’s score for Moon (“Welcome to Lunar Industries”, I wanna say) and 10 seconds of Meryl Streep ACTING as a bitch even more evil and British than Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada (at  least you knew Miranda Priestly liked the gays). Apparently, though, that’s all it takes to have me going full Jesse Spano with giddy anticipation.

Seriously, I haven’t been this excited for a movie since I flipped my shit over the trailer for Black Swan, which makes sense because they both have a lot in common. Both promise oodles of Oscar-baiting ladyACTING (which is my favorite), and both are basically horror movies:

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Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Official Response to the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 Trailer
April 28, 2011

Seeing as it’s no secret over at this little corner of the interwebs that I love me some Harry Potter (interpret that as you will), I’ll spare you a voluminous amount of word vomit now that there’s a trailer for the concluding chapter of the film series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2. Suffice it to say, I’m not ready for it to be over (obviously), and I don’t know how I feel about the whole 3-D thing (can you blame me?), but whatever! I’m still so excited! How excited? Keep-me-away-from-your-birthday-cake excited! What? This kid knows what I’m talking about:

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Our Prayers Have Been Answered! Homecoming Is Finally Coming to DVD
February 9, 2010

I cannot convey to you in words how much this delights me, but DVDActive is reporting that Homecoming is at long last arriving on DVD April 27th.  Obviously this is a good thing because I know we’ve all been waiting an eternity (or since last summer) to witness Mischa Barton channel Kathy Bates in Misery and bring on the crazy in a hardcore way.  And for those of you who haven’t been waiting for Homecoming grace your eyeballs like a thousand golden rays of batshit bonkers sunshine, allow me to repost the trailer to remind you how you live a joyless existence and generally fail at life:

Um, there’s a scene where Mischa Barton takes a bed pan to the face.  The face!  If that doesn’t indicate how much this movie DEMANDS our support, then I don’t know what does.  Also, let’s not forget how Mischa’s currently guesting as a hooker named Gladys on Law & Order: SVU in order to pay the bills.  Girl could probably use the residual check.

Most importantly, though, Homecoming is apparently the movie in which Mischa Barton can has ham sandwich:

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Damn You Trailer for The Good Guy! Why Must You Exploit My Weaknesses as Well?
January 26, 2010

Well, given that it was just last night that Shmathan and I made plans to make Alexis Bledel’s quarter-life-crisis romcom Post Grad the next installment in Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Ladies of Leisure series, it seems only fitting that I now stumble upon another Alexis Bledel quarter-life-crisis romcom:

And while this poster’s totally fine, I have my doubts about the plot summary from ComingSoon.net:

Ambitious young Manhattanite and urban conservationist Beth (Alexis Bledel) wants it all: a good job, good friends, and a good guy to share the city with. Of course that last one is often the trickiest of all. In the new romantic dramedy, Beth falls hard for Tommy (Scott Porter), a sexy, young Wall Street hot-shot. But just as everything seems to be falling into place, complications arise in the form of Tommy’s sensitive and handsome co-worker Daniel (Bryan Greenberg). Beth soon learns that the game of love in the big city is a lot like Wall Street – high risk, high reward and everybody has an angle.

Look, I’ve nothing against another movie about white peoples’ problems.  Like any other white person, I know what it feels like when Trader Joe’s is out of your favorite flavor of organic yogurt (it feels TERRIBLE); and I’ve heard it’s totally a Sophie’s choice when two handsome, charming, successful guys are pursuing you.  Seriously, other than by the size of their junk, how do you rationally decide?

That said, this a movie about white people with problems who are also making shit tons of money on Wall Street, and I refuse to quell my populist rage against the financial machine just because Alexis Bledel wants to play a love game.  Unless you set those rich white people problems to swoony indie pop, in which case my easily manipulated imaginary ovaries are all over that shit.

Such is The Good Guy trailer, y’all:

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HAUSU!!!
January 15, 2010

Starting today, the IFC Center’s kicking off Janus Film’s nationwide tour of one of the most absolutely batshit insane and totally brilliant movies ever made:

Seriously, y’all, I don’t even want to spoil an iota of the crazy, so just watch the trailer and give yourselves a taste:

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Chloe Will Be One of My Favorite Movies of 2010 Because Duh
January 14, 2010

I need this movie to be here yesterday:

It’s not about the poster, which is basically just Amanda Seyfried giving FACE, and we all know how I feel about Amanda Seyfried, so it’s great, but I digress.  

No no, I can’t wait for Chloe because it looks like it’s going to be this year’s Obsessed (and we all know how I feel about Obsessed), but this time it’s starring Julianne Moore and gunning for a hard R-rating, so it looks even better than Obsessed, but I digress.  

My point is you need to watch the trailer because SPOILER ALERT it’s bonkers:

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The Sex and the City 2 Teaser Trailer Is Also Everything I Imagined It Would Be
December 23, 2009

First there was the poster that looks like the marketing people behind Sex and the City 2 just don’t give a damn.  It’s pretty terrible, but terrible in a way that never gets old:

See what I mean?  You can’t put a price on something so hilariously sloppy, which makes sense because this poster looks like the vengeful wrath of an unpaid intern. 

Now we have a teaser trailer, though, and it’s becoming increasingly clear that nobody gives a damn about this movie.  I mean, just look at this lazy mess:

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I’m Not Going to Even Bother Pretending Like I’m Not Excited for The Back-Up Plan
December 22, 2009

While I was at the movies this past weekend, I saw a poster for the upcoming romantic comedy The Back-Up Plan:

It was confusing because I haven’t associated Jennifer Lopez with shitty romantic comedies–let alone acting–in ages, but I digress.  My point is that I could tell just by the poster that this has “generic rom-com train wreck” written all over it, but sticking J. Lo and Alex O’Laughlin in a movie that amounts to Knocked Up‘s prettier but frighteningly dull cousin inexplicably sounds catnip to me. I blame it on Alex O’Laughlin, who is so pretty that even J. Lo’s hand can’t obscure his prettiness, and her hand damn well giving it a go.  I mean, seriously, what the hell is her hand doing in that poster?  Is she trying to cover his face so she can be the prettiest part of The Back-Up Plan poster?  Is this how they do the Vulcan mind meld in the Bronx?  Sorry, I got sidetracked.  

Again.

ANYWAYS, point being is that there’s a trailer for The Back-Up plan, and it’s all the LOLZ and romance of this poster at 24-frames-per-second:

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The Iron Man 2 Teaser Trailer Is THE Summer Movie Hotness. Le DUH.
December 17, 2009

I don’t know about you, but last night I had a rather delicious filet mignon at my office’s holiday dinner party, then I came home, and then I promptly shat my nerd pants.  Why?  Because the Iron Man 2 teaser trailer dropped last night, and it’s so damn good that you don’t even have to be a nerd to lose your shit over it.  Being a nerd naturally helps, but it’s really over just a difference of whether you poop your pants a lot or your poop your pants even more than that.  Don’t believe me?  Just click the poster below and experience the the hotness, but be sure you’ve got an adult diaper on:

Everything about this trailer’s obviously the best, but I love how they’re sure to include a moment of Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow’s utterly delicious screwball chemistry.  It makes me think of Iron Man 2 as His Girl Friday, but with robots and explosions and weird facial hair, so basically perfect.

Still, as much as it’s impossible to not love the Iron Man 2 teaser trailer, I’m willing to bet there’s at least one person that is not one of Iron Man 2‘s fans:

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Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland Is Going to Be Out of Control Amazing
December 16, 2009

I’ll be completely frank: even though I previously had my doubts about Tim Burton’s latest, the reality is that I never needed this past summer’s face-meltingly fantastic teaser trailer to get me excited about his upcoming Alice and Wonderland.  No no, this image is far more than necessary:

SOLD!!!  This image has three things that I unabashedly love: overly-ornate-to-the-point-of-camp costume details (it’s a gay thing), Anne Hathaway (also a gay thing), and killer red lipstick (it’s a Black Narcissus thing; so, in other words, yet another gay thing).  People of a more discerning taste would likely only have their interests raised by such and image, but people of a more discerning taste would probably steer clear of such cinematic gems as Powder Blue and Orphan, so why would I want to associate with those people?  Those people sound like such assholes.

All digressions aside, it’s safe to say that Alice in Wonderland‘s latest trailer will have even people of a more discerning taste excited because–quite honestly–it’s as though Disney just kept throwing money at Tim Burton to ride his crazy train ’til he reached Bonkerstown, which is to say that it looks totall awesome.  Just look at this beaut:

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All Signs Point to Case 39 Being Totally Amazing
November 30, 2009

Obviously the first sign is the simple fact that Case 39 is a horror movie starring Renée Zellwegger, which allows her to join Hilary Swank and Halle Berry in the pantheon of Oscar-winning actresses to be inexplicably cast in a horror movie.  The fact that she’s at long last making her The Reaping (or Gothika, whichever perplexing career decision you’d prefer) should be more than plenty to have you buzzing with anticipatory glee.  But wait, there’s more!

For example, there’s also the trailer:

Oh trailer, you had me at Bradley Cooper shirtless and vomiting flies.  Given that this combines things that I like (Bradley Cooper and Bradley Cooper’s abs) and things that will haunt me for the rest of my life (the whole vomiting flies business), so congratulations are in order for giving such precise vision to my future sexual nightmares.

Sign three?  The little girl in this movie was also in Silent Hill, where she memorably danced in a rain of blood after a barbed wire tentacle shot up the Borg queen’s hooha and ripped her in two.  This actually has nothing to do with Case 39.  I just like taking any available opportunity to mention how batshit crazy Silent Hill is.  Seriously, it’s the craziest, but I digress.

Also, there’s Case 39‘s tagline, which is as clever as it is menacing:

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Why Is Nobody Talking About the Things We Should All Be Talking About When We Talk About Salt?
November 18, 2009

It never ceases to amaze me what will cause a stir on the interwebs.  I get that it’s a rat race and we’re all just trying to get a piece of the cheese, but when that cheese is a picture of Angelina Jolie’s face that serves as the teaser poster for next summer’s Salt, I really get amazed:

I mean, yay?

Don’t get me wrong.  This poster is perfectly fine, and I’ll no doubt be seeing Salt next summer.  Angelina Jolie has a curious hold on me like that.  I saw Changeling just to see her bring the classic-Hollywood-esque hysterics.  Hell, I even subjected myself to Wanted, which says loads about how appealing I find her as an actress and how I have no self-respect.  Still, as much as I guess there’s a certain newsworthiness in the unveiling of a teaser poster for a movie that many of us will waste $12.50 because the magnetic draw of an Angelina Jolie action movie overrides one’s ability to make good life choices, it seems to me that there are bigger teaser poster fish for us to be frying, namely this one:

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Leap Year Knows the Secret to My Heart/Fake Ovaries
November 16, 2009

Oh, dammit!  Amy Adams’s undeniably perky charm and Matthew Goode’s dreamboatalicious combination of scruff and blue eyes, WHY MUST YOU EXPLOIT ME SO?!?

Leap Year movie poster

Even in poster format, me and my inner teenage girl don’t stand a chance to your magnetic appeal. Even in poster form, I can see Leap Year for exactly the sort of rote, cliched romantic comedy filled with the same easy jokes and formulaic twists years and years and years of movies just like you have supplied eager audiences like me.  You may be entirely lacking the holy screwball trinity of Katherine Hepburn, Cary Grant, and a leopard named Baby; but I’m pretty certain that you and me and a pint of HäagenDazs vanilla swiss almond would make a perfectly suitable trifecta on a Saturday night.

And your trailer, Leap Year?  I’ve got freakin’ second sight with this:

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Forget 2012. Megafault Is THE Disaster Movie of 2009
November 4, 2009

Do you not know what Megafault is?  Don’t worry.  Until this morning, neither did I, but now I do, and it’s time to spread the gospel.  People, this is Megafault:

megafaultr1artworkpic

Without so much as a trailer, the first thing that occurred to me was that I really need to put Brittany Murphy on Google alert.  Between this and The Ramen Girl, I’m beginning to suspect that any movie starring Brittany Murphy is a film destined bad movie excellence. Coming from the producers that brought us Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus and originally airing on SyFy are just shitshow icing on the train wreck cake.  Seriously, I need only this bargain bin DVD cover to know that this movie’s destined for greatness.

Of course, saying that would discount the Megafault trailer, which is a whole new realm of terrible I never actually believed attainable:

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Just A Few Reasons to Have the Most Vapors Over A Single Man
October 16, 2009

I’m not quite sure why I never got around to dropping this trailer hotness until now.  The trailer itself has been floating about the internet for about a month, and the film’s been getting some early Oscar buzz since its premiere at the Toronto Film Festival.  Also, this trailer’s pretty much all of my favorite things ever ever.  Anyways, here’s the trailer for A Single Man:

I may know next to nada about Tom Ford’s career in the fashion world, but I do know that man gives me the vapors in a serious way:

tom ford serious vapors

As such, I’m pretty certain that him adapting a Christopher Isherwood isn’t going to help 2009’s cause célèbre, Stop the Vapors.  He’s amassed Julianne Moore and Colin Firth and Matthew Goode and fabulous production design from the people behind Mad Men for a story about loss and other homo things in the ’60s, which is like vapors on top of vapors.  It’s just too much, y’all.

But wait!  There’s more (cause for vapors):

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Is Women in Trouble the Cornucopia of Camp Pleasures We’ve Been Waiting For?
October 15, 2009

Now don’t get me wrong, Powder Blue is a howlingly bad movie experience.  It isn’t so much a movie as a string of individual cinematic train wrecks that have been confused for scenes, and it’s definitely in the lead as the most campalicious movie of 2009.  Well, was.

Dear readers, I give you the new Great Camp Hope of 2009: 

women in trouble poster

First off, I don’t need to get started about the tag line.  It pretty much speaks for its ridiculous self.  But there’s the pink font that looks like it’s straight-up out of a bad 70s European art house sex farce, and let’s not forget how I feel about Carla Gugino.  I don’t recognize anyone else mentioned in this poster save for Simon Baker, but who cares?  This poster is basically about pretty girls and boobs, which I’m pretty sure was the high concept for Showgirls, so consider my appetite whetted.  

But there’s also the trailer, and…well…it can only be described as some bizarre amalgamation of Showgirls and Magnolia and Almodovar and every women’s dramedy from the past two decades:

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Why Must Shutter Island Continue to Look Amazing/Be Unreleased?
October 6, 2009

Hey, y’all.  You know what movie was supposed to come out this past weekend but didn’t come out this past weekend?  This one:

shutter island

UGH.  I was so excited about this movie coming out, but Paramount apparently hates us, so now we have to wait ’til February.  Boo.  And now there’s a new trailer for Shutter Island?  One perfectly constructed to again remind us how great this movie is going to be?  Oh, and also about how it’s still MONTHS AND MONTHS AWAY?  Double boo!

Oh well.  I guess if we’re going to have to now wait ’til February, we might as well enjoy this new trailer, so let’s make like a masochist and salt this wound: 

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The Nightmare on Elm Street Remake Now Has a Trailer. Let’s All Discuss
September 28, 2009

So this is still most definitely happening:

nightmareonefull-thumb-480x710-3195

And, yes, I may have in the past been a little harsh when it comes to the remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street.  Okay, I’ve definitely been really harsh.  But whatever.  I can’t help myself.  I’m inclined to be protective of the horror films that I hold dear.  That, and I have a tendency to become hyperbolically bitchy when it comes to defending said films from the clutches of Hollywood remakery.  These things happen.

Anywhosie, the first official trailer for the remake has splattered itself all over the interwebs (get it?  It’s a horror pun.  ‘Cos this blog is the face of sophisticated, erudite humor. Le duh.), so let’s all watch and reassess the situation based upon the latest evidence.  After all, that’s how scientists and the cast of CSI: Miami do things in the real world:

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Don’t Judge Me.
September 16, 2009

There’s a well known saying that goes “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em; and if you tend to share similar interests with legions of teenage girls, don’t even try and front.”  Truer words have probably never been spoken, and so it is with a deep shame that I admit the following: 

new moon excitement

I know I’ve previously acknowledged that I’m Twicurious to see the movie as an anthropological expedition of sorts, and I’d love to continue to feign such ironic detachment all the way ’til the much ballyhooed Apocalypse of 2012, but there are some forces that are simply too powerful to deny.  And apparently those forces involve  Kristen Stewart’s hysterics, abs, and Dakota Fanning:

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We’re Back! Now Here’s a Trailer for Trash Humpers!
September 14, 2009

Well, after a serious bout of the lazies (being witty can be so damn exhausting, y’all), it’s about time we got back to business discussing all of the most important things going on in the world.  Things like this trailer for the new Harmony Korine “movie,” Trash Humpers:  

Ermmm…I’ll admit that the extent of my knowledge of Harmony Korine’s film career is limited to that one time I organized the DVDs at my old summer job and I put Gummo under “G,” but I still feel as though a) this trailer doesn’t make a damn lick of sense, and b) it’s going to haunt my dreams for weeks and weeks to come.  My instinct tells me that Trash Humpers must be an indie/art-house  exercise in self-indulgent nightmare making, and this trailer is unquestionably all-caps ECCENTRIC, yet this somehow only manages to further intrigue me.  

I’ve a well documented adoration for movies that are batshit crazy, and I’m nothing if not a cinematic masochist, so the part of me that enjoys never sleeping again is really interested in seeing this movie.  On the other hand, though, there’s this image for the film from Harmony Korine’s website, which confirms my suspicions:

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