No, Batman v. Superman Is Not “the Showgirls of Superhero Films”
March 29, 2016

batman v superman showgirls

The night before Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice came out, two of my friends tagged me in separate Facebook posts linking to a review from Ars Technica declaring BvS “the Showgirls of superhero films.” Knowing my friends know me so well is deeply touching, and since somebody mentioned Showgirls, I was undeniably intrigued despite my better judgment.

Sure, I had a feeling this review couldn’t be trusted, because it mentioned Sex in the City 2, not Sex and the City 2,  and that’s a straight man’s mistake when talking about a gay man’s sensibility. Still, I figured I had to approve or disprove the comparison to the Greatest Movie of All Time, so I saw it Saturday morning, and to quote Nomi Malone, “It’s a Versayce You don’t know sh*t!” Batman v. Superman: Definitely Not Showgirls is definitely not the Showgirls of superhero movies, or of that matter anything.

To explain:

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Try and Say Something Nice: Batman v. Superman Edition
March 27, 2016

batman-v-superman-kiss-kiss-kiss-30-rock

If you can’t say something nice, it’s entirely likely you’re having a conversation about Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. It’s just not good! Still, while I fully intend to bitch and moan about it’s failure as camp, I decided this year that my One Blog Rule would to not be such a bemoaning bitch, so I thought it best to first say a few nice things about Batman v. Superman: Just Make Out Already. If for nothing else, it’s insurance against anybody who insists I’m just a hater who doesn’t get it.

Anyways, here they are:

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We’re All Sad Affleck This Weekend
March 26, 2016

sad affleck

If you, like me, have already seen Bats v. Supes: Dawn of Just Put Me Out of My Misery Already, you’re probably feeling an awful lot like Ben Affleck seems in this GIF. He does not look like he wants to be here, literally or metaphorically, and seeing as Batman v. Superman has already grossed $200 million dollars worldwide, I’m not sure we want to either.

Anyways, while I try and put words to put words to my despondent rage stroke, here’s a really great video of Ben Affleck at the BvS: It Gets Worst press tour:

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Who Rewatches Watchmen? (I Do.)
March 24, 2016

watchmen

In “anticipation” of Zack Snyder’s latest dour ‘n desaturated super hero action orgy, Bats v. Supes: More Titles Plz, I decided to rewatch Watchmen, because I kinda liked it before, I was curious how it’d hold up, and I wasn’t yet in the mood to rewatch Man v. Steel: More Fur Pecs Plz. Some cries for help can wait until the weekend.

As such, here are some scant thoughts I had upon revisiting Zack Snyder’s first foray in superhero cinema:

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It’s Valentine’s Day, So Here’s Oscar Isaac and Carla Gugino Performing “Love Is The Drug”
February 14, 2016

oscar isaac carla gugino sucker punch love is the drug

As if that wasn’t enough to make all your Valentine’s Day dreams come true, if you squint hard enough at this pic you can pretend Carla Gugino’s pegging Oscar Isaac, which I’ve been told is very on trend in 2016.

ANYWAYS, here’s the Internet’s Latest Boyfriend, Oscar Isaac, and forever object of my camp affection, Carla Gugino, covering Roxy Music’s “Love Is The Drug” in a deleted scene from Zack Snyder’s Zack-Snyder-iest movie, Sucker Punch:

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Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Catch-Up Corner: I’m the Most Excited for Zack Snyder’s Sucker Punch
August 11, 2010

It’s been over a year since I last threw on my gay claws and tippity-typed up a frothing homo frenzy about Sucker Punch, Zack Snyder’s live action follow-up to Watchmen, and so much has happened since then, y’all.  Carla Gugino helped unleash the candy-colored Kraken of camp that is Women in Trouble, and Zack Snyder made an animated family film about owls:

One of these makes me cackle because it’s fabulous, and the other makes me cackle because my brain cannot comprehend that it’s a thing that actually exists.  You’re welcome to try and figure out which one’s which, but please, don’t strain yourself.

ANYWAYS, more important than any of that stuff tangentially related to my Sucker Punch anticipation is the fact that the teaser phase of marketing has finally kicked-off.  This explains why we’ve now got six character-based teaser posters over at the film’s official website.  There’s one for Emily Browning as Baby Doll:

One for Jamie Chung as Amber:

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Set Your Anticipation to Campalicious: Carla Gugino’s Joined Zack Snyder’s SuckerPunch
August 4, 2009

Watchmen, the 168-minutes of moving images that was less a coherent film narrative so much as a cinematic summary of the events of Alan Moore’s acclaimed graphic novel, was one of the few movies that has effectively stayed with me since I saw it in theaters.  That’s less an endorsement of excellence so much as an admission that I find the movie to be an unsolvable puzzle.  I’ve rewatched it nearly half-a-dozen times since it came out on DVD, and though it is terribly faithful as an adaptation, I still feel like it never quite comes together in the way it should.

That said, Carla Gugino stole the show with her boozy Sally Jupiter.  It was camp, to be sure, but not the sort of camp rooted in being terrible.  No no, it’s the sort of camp that comes from being ferociously unrestrained.  Think Sister Ruth from Black Narcissus, but less Technicolor red lipstick and a much higher BAC.  Seriously, Ms. Gugino, should you ever find this blog on account of a Google alert, please know:

carla gugino fabulous

ANYWAYS, my major frustration with Watchmen was the lack of giving her little else to do in that movie beyond getting almost raped.  Blech.  Thankfully, though, I was looking over the headlines at ComingSoon.net this morning and read that she’ll be joining the cast of Zack Snyder’s upcoming SuckerPunch.  But what exactly is SuckerPunch about?  Well, here’s ComingSoon.net article’s plot summary:

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