And Now For a Dose of Pure Crazy: Joan Crawford, Gender Enigma
March 13, 2016

its joan crawford mildred pierce trailer gender enigma

Several years back, I read David Bret’s Joan Crawford: Hollywood Martyr, and it was insane. As celebrity bios go, it’s like someone decided to set the record straight about Joan Crawford using Wikipedia synopses of her filmography, a nagging feeling that says “CHRISTINA’S WRONG”, a whole lotta moxie, and a well-read copy of Kenneth Anger’s Hollywood Babylon. Really, I’m still not sure what the rumor about Ramon Novarro and the black marble dildo from his alleged lover Rudolph Valentino was doing in a biography about Joan Crawford, but it did keep things more interesting.

My point is I’m more than familiar with trashy and ridiculous rumors about Joan Crawford and early Hollywood’s general sordidness, but nothing, and I mean nothing, could prepare me for “Joan Crawford Gender. Gender Enigma. Part 1.”, which is basically a Truther video, if the Truther movement was obsessed with proving that Joan Crawford was a man and Hollywood is some sort of Satanic transsexual long con:

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Today’s Fabulous Image in Cinema: Lana Turner in Peyton Place
July 15, 2010

The first time I saw this particularly melodramatic moment from Mark Robson’s 1957 adaptation of Grace Metalious’s notorious novel Peyton Place, I found myself marveling at how much emotional anguish she projects through her hands.  She grasps at the railing as if it its physicality were the only thing allowing her to hold down her emotions; however, since this is a melodrama we’re talking about, of course Lana has to sink to the stairs and sob as she clutches to the posts, which is the sort of thing that reduces me to a haphazard assortment of gay male stereotypes.  That’s just how these things how these things work, and you can’t brush them off as cheap cliche when they play out so exquisitely.

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Today’s Fabulous Image in Cinema: Joan Crawford in Humoresque (Yes, Again.)
July 1, 2010

humoresque joan crawford tragedy

Because you can’t appreciate the Humoresque sweet without having to taste Humoresque sour, and because I can never get enough Joan Crawford (particularly until I’ve finished reading David Bret’s epically salacious Joan Crawford: Hollywood Martyr) here’s Joan Crawford’s Helen Wright shedding a single tear of profoundly agonized longing for her violinist lover, Paul Boray (John Garfield).  He’s playing the Liebestod from Richard Wagner’s Tristan und Isolde, she’s drowning her sorrows as she listens to him on the radio, and my head’s exploding from having a moment appeal to the Crawford queen AND the opera queen in me.

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Betty White Quasi-Outed Cary Grant or: Oh Look, Another Reason to Love Betty White and Cary Grant
June 17, 2010

In case you’ve ever been curious, here’s a picture of Randolph Scott and Cary Grant enjoying dinner:

cary grant and randolph scott having dinner

It should come as neither a secret nor surprising that I find Cary Grant to be as ridiculously sexy as I find donut bacon cheeseburgers to be ridiculously delicious, and of course I’ve heard the rumors that he and fellow actor Randolph Scott were a lil’ bit (to borrow a word from David Bret, author of the thoroughly trashtastic–and highly recommended by me–Joan Crawford bio, Joan Crawford: Hollywood Martyr) lavendar, but I never realized what a hot piece Randolph Scott was. Seriously, if Cary Grant just so happened to be thinking about how much Randolph Scott’s mustache tickles instead of how delightful the chicken was when that picture was taken, could you really blame him?

ANYWAYS, Betty White was on The Joy Behar Show last night, and that Newsweek story that never dies came up as a topic of conversation, at which point Betty White inadvertently revealed that Cary Grant was probably thinking about Randolph Scott’s “mustache” after all. Here’s the video from over at Queerty:

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