All of the Dream Sequences From Ken Russell’s The Boy Friend
March 6, 2016

the boy friend ken russell

Since I’m an old person, any time after 9pm is late for me, if not in fact entirely past my bedtime, so it’s only appropriate to end the day with all of the dream sequences from Ken Russell’s The Boy Friend. Much like the above bonkers amuse-bouche of a headdress, they’re totally over the top, totally fabulous, and at times not unlike a Busby Berkeley acid flashback. Oh, and they’re starring Twiggy. Yes, that Twiggy.

What I’m trying to say is there are far worse pre-bedtime camp viewing pleasures, and arguably few better, so grab yourself a cup of Sleepytime tea and get ready to spike it with an shot of crazy, because these dream sequence will take you up, off and away:

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TBT PSA: Pokemon Live Existed, and Andrew Rannells Was In It
March 3, 2016

You might think that Pokemon has no business being on a blog that’s so limp wristed it’s a wonder it ever gets written, and you’d be right! Much like a last lingering feint of heterosexuality, I haven’t touched the stuff since high school, but apropos of Pokemon’s 20th anniversary (not that I’d know) (jk; I’d totally know), let’s please take a moment to revel in the fact that Pokemon Live was touring theatrical musical experience that actually existed (!), and Andrew Rannells (!!!) was in it (!!!!!).

Yes, I’m talking the Andrew Rannells, he of the enviably perpetual babyface, my 2nd favorite of the Broadway Hedwigs (behind John Cameron Mitchell, of course), and one third of my new favorite celebrity dream thruple Andrew Rannells and Corey Stoll on Girls and Please Don’t Forget Me, or RannellStollME, for short. In case you don’t believe me, here’s his hottest moment from the commercial in GIF form, where he plays James:

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Dear Internet: More Daddy’s Boy, Please!
March 18, 2015

As someone who separately appreciates the words 1938, musical, and train wreck but can really clutch some pearls upon their combination, I am telling you I’m not going this is not nearly enough Daddy’s Boy. We want Daddy’s Boy uncut! We need the full length!

So don’t listen to Robert Osborne, and make it so, interwebs. Or at the very least, make it a Kickstarter.

I Call Shenanigans: On Madonna’s Best Actress Oscar Snub for Evita
March 1, 2015

evita madonna rainbow tour

I wouldn’t go so far as to say Madonna was robbed of an Oscar for her performance in Evita. After all, 1997 was the year that Frances McDormand (consummate actor, national treasure) won for Fargo, so the best performance really did win. But after staying up too late rewatching Evita on Netflix last night, I realized it’s some kind of hot nonsense that Madonna didn’t even get a nomination. Madonna is pretty much flawless in Evita. Here, let me count the ways:

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Sharks Vs. Jets
February 7, 2015

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When you’re a meme, you’re a meme all the way…

[via tumblr. Much love to Josh for this one.]

Dreams Do Come True: John Cameron Mitchell Is in Hedwig and the Angry Inch on Broadway
January 24, 2015

hedwig and the angry inch optimistic

Good golly, y’all. I remember the days when talk of Hedwig and the Angry Inch coming to Broadway was but a rumor that warmed the cockles of my campy, cantankerous heart. Last year it finally happened, though, and that has been the best. Neil Patrick Harris was the best; Andrew Rannells was the best; Michael C. Hall was the best; and, throughout it all, Lena Hall has definitely been the best. But now John Cameron Mitchell is making his triumphant return to Hedwig for an eight-week engagement, and there isn’t a grandma’s grab bag of clutchable pearls big enough to contain my emotions, so I’ll just post this still from JCM’s brilliant 2001 film adaptation and leave it at that. It’s a rare instance of restraint, for sure, but I’m wide open with emotion and don’t want to make a mess everywhere.

 

For Your Consideration in Camp: Highlights from the Burlesque Rotten Tomatoes Pull Quotes
November 24, 2010

When you think about how often I freak my freak out over Showgirls, you might’ve figured I’d have been flailing my fey little blog hands (like spirit fingers across the keyboard, if you will) on the daily when it came to the Cher and Xtina cinematic extravaganza, Burlesque.  After all, any movie musical set in the world of burlesque theater starring Cher and Christina Aguilera could very well be the next Showgirls, and at the very least it’s sure to wrestle away the crown–or would it be wig?–for Gayest Movie Ever (sorry, Gang Bang Bottoms 17).  If nothing else, it’s a testament to my unabashed faggotry that so many people shared the trailer with me as if I wasn’t all over it (thanks, you guys!!!).  Believe me, ladyfriends, I was.  It’s just that I ended up doing a bunch of this whenever I watched the trailer.  But with a whole lot more rainbow confetti.  You know, the usual homo things stuff.

ANYWAYS, Burlesque is out today, so obviously I’m excited (so excited!).  More importantly, though, that means the reviews for Burlesque are out (so excited!), which means the critics consensus over at Rotten Tomatoes has spoken: Burlesque sits at rather bleak 32% over at Rotten Tomatoes (so scared!).  Could my greatest fear–that Burlesque could be a Sex and the City 2 instead of a Showgirls–be true?!?  Mais non, mes soeurs.  I’ve gathered a few delectable quotes (with a dash of commentary) to give us hope that Burlesque could in fact be the Great Camp Hope for which we’ve all been waiting:

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Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Catch-Up Corner: I’m the Most Excited for Zack Snyder’s Sucker Punch
August 11, 2010

It’s been over a year since I last threw on my gay claws and tippity-typed up a frothing homo frenzy about Sucker Punch, Zack Snyder’s live action follow-up to Watchmen, and so much has happened since then, y’all.  Carla Gugino helped unleash the candy-colored Kraken of camp that is Women in Trouble, and Zack Snyder made an animated family film about owls:

One of these makes me cackle because it’s fabulous, and the other makes me cackle because my brain cannot comprehend that it’s a thing that actually exists.  You’re welcome to try and figure out which one’s which, but please, don’t strain yourself.

ANYWAYS, more important than any of that stuff tangentially related to my Sucker Punch anticipation is the fact that the teaser phase of marketing has finally kicked-off.  This explains why we’ve now got six character-based teaser posters over at the film’s official website.  There’s one for Emily Browning as Baby Doll:

One for Jamie Chung as Amber:

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There’s No Better News Than the News That Hedwig and the Angry Inch Is Heding Back to Broadway
March 31, 2010

Get it?  Hed-ing?  In a story about Hedwig and the Angry Inch?  It’s a pun, A PUN!  Carrie Sadshaw would be so proud!  And I probably should have switched to decaf before writing about this glorious news!  Seriously, it’s hard to type when your eyeballs won’t stop vibrating on account of those few too many cups of coffee and and the rush of adrenaline brought about by PURE EXCITEMENT, but I digress.

The New York Post is reporting that Hedwig and the Angry Inch will be coming to Broadway this fall with all of its principal artistic forces intact.  John Cameron Mitchell will be reprising the role of everybody’s favorite botched-job transexual rocker, and Steven Trask will be adding additional songs and musical material.  Added to that, David Binder and Peter Askin will be returning as producer and director, respectively.

In related news brought to you first by me, thousands upon thousands of gay men and fag hags the world over are making this face right now. Understandably so, theater queens and the ladies who love them, but let’s all simmer down.  There’s more to the Post‘s story, and this part is particularly intriguing:

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At Least the Robot Apocalypse Will Still Have Bad Community Theater
March 5, 2010

And now, from its creators, a few words on the RoboThespian:

As an actor, it is a mirror. The most difficult question you may have to answer yourself is: ‘what am I for?’ RoboThespian™ demonstrates that utility is not a prerequisite for existence, a concept familiar to the artist but alien to the engineer. ‘Necessity is the mother of invention’, a received wisdom, but necessity is not the mother of this invention, I doubt they are even related at all.

This is very true, inventors of a thing that most definitely should not exist.  I’m pretty sure a particularly embittering failed bid at Broadway stardom (aka, too many double shifts at the Times Square Red Lobster without a single call back for that chorus line spot in Carnival Cruise’s production of Seussical) and an unintentional death wish for the human race are the mother of your invention.  For realsies, nothing else explains the waking nightmare that is witnessing this…this thing in action:

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Daria: The Complete Animated Series on DVD Will Be All the Daria You Could Ever Desire
February 24, 2010

Quite literally.  From DVDActive:

All 5 seasons will be included, along with both movies. Extras will include the Pilot – Sealed With a Kick, a Mystik Spiral Music Video “Freakin’ Friends”, Daria Day Intros, a Top Ten Video Countdown Hosted by Daria & Jane, Cast & Crew Interviews, and a Never Before-Seen Mystik Sprial spin-off script.

YES.

Never mind that no price was given.  I would give my first-born fake baby to have Daria on DVD, or at the very least an IOU for a real one.  Oh hell, who am I kidding?  It’s $50.99 over at Amazon.com, which is a bargain when it comes to nostalgia-fueled impulse buys.

It obviously goes without saying that this is my confirm-order face:

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Here’s a Ten-Minute Video of My Little Ponies Singing Showtunes. You’re Welcome
February 23, 2010

I’m not saying that a video of two people in life-size My Little Pony costumes performing show tunes isn’t a metaphor for my childhood:

I’m just saying that a medley of selections from Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker and Genesis’s Invisible Touch as performed by Dino Riders and a Barbie doll whilst I prance around the stage on my mom’s old long-handed duster and hum the Wicked Witch of the West’s theme song would be far more on the nose.

And Wagnerian.  At least in terms of freakish absurdity.

Naturally much love to Videogum and Dlisted.  Teamwork makes the dream work.

I Can’t Believe the News Today! Tragedy Has Struck Broadway!
August 12, 2009

Mon dieu, y’all!  Did you hear the news today about Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, the Spider-Man musical that was to be directed by Julie Taymor and has songs written by Bono and the Edge?  It’s simply terrible:

spider-man musical hiatus

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  Not an indefinite hiatus!  Damn you, recession!   You’re ruining EVERYTHING.

The New York Post has the details:

Last week, production crews at both the Hilton Theatre and the scene shop where the show was being built were put on “hiatus” because the producers ran out of money. Assistants in the scene shop “ran to the bank to cash their checks because they weren’t sure they’d clear,” a source says.

Now comes word that the actors have been released from their contracts, with no incentive (i.e., money) to hang around waiting for the production to get back on track.

While I’m rather certain Shmarker will be deeply disappointed by this news, I personally can’t say that I’m that sad.  Or even surprised.

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RIP, Captain EO
June 26, 2009

I debated about writing anything in regards to Michael Jackson’s untimely passing.  There are bigger fans who can better articulate how much he mattered to music and pop culture as a whole.  When you realize you’re best equipped to discuss his slow descent from King of Pop to the Grand Poobah of Eccentric Celebrity Curios–the Howard Hughes of music, if you will–you kinda realize it’s quite not your place to chime in during a time of mourning.  I mean, do you really want to look like this asshole?  Hell no.  Besides, I will always appreciate the fact that I get to share my name with his 1972 ballad devoted to a rat.  Top that, people named Jude.

Anyways, I’ll simply pay my respects with one of my favorite moments in Michael Jackson’s career:

captain-eo

That’s right, Captain EO, the 1986 sci-fi/musical 3-D short film staring Michael Jackson and Anjelica Huston (who scared the living hell out of me when I first saw it).  It’s rather ridiculous in and of itself (small wonder I love it so), but knowing that it was directed by Francis Ford Coppola and co-written by George Lucas make it pretty profoundly wonderful.  There may be greater moments to highlight in his career, but I’ll never forget my parents taking me to see Captain EO at age three when we visited Disney World.  It’s that sort of unforgettable impact that is the real testament to this man’s work.  It’s part Star Wars, an ample aesthetic splash of Ridley Scott’s Alien, and all Michael Jackson magic.  After the jump, in its YouTube entirety, I give you the 80s nostalgia-bomb that is Captain EO:

Michael Jackson, 1958-2009.  You will be missed.

Alright Already! We’ll Talk About Glee
May 27, 2009

Yeesh.  Certain people, who shall remain nameless but might have names that rhyme with Shmarker and Shmathan (just saying, and also, love you guys!), have been all up in my grill about Glee.  It’s nothing but “Why don’t you blog about Glee?” this and “I hate your face ’til you blog about Glee!” that.  So fine, here we go:

glee copy

Seriously, was there ever any question?  I think not.  If anything, my only complaint is that we’re all forced to wait until this fall for more Glee.  That’s ass and a half, y’all; fortunately, despite Fox clearly conducting an experiment in patience amongst the nation’s gays (and their fag hags), Glee is anything but ass and a half.

Maybe it’s hyperbole, but Glee‘s the most inspired television show in quite some time.  The underdog-competitor-meets-Busby-Berkeley-musical vibe is infinitely charming blend of camp and heartfelt sincerity, and any show that can bring together both the eternally adorable Jayma Mays and eternally fierce Jessalyn Gilsig clearly knows a thing or two about casting.  And let’s not forget that Glee gave us the single greatest rendition of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'” ever made EVER:

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Sara Carlson is the Nomi Malone of 80s Italian Variety Shows
May 15, 2009

Just watch this poetry in motion:

I recognize that, in the era of YouTube clips, what probably made sense in a particular time to a particular group of people is reintroduced to the world in a contextual vacuum.  Without meaning, these videos become a veritable playground for camp, a place where the indecipherable message is the first language of ironic detachment and surface aesthetics the currency of visual pleasure.  As such, perhaps I’m inherently biased towards this Fellini-meets-Lady-Gaga pinnacle of unadulterated, uninhibited batshit insanity.  Whatever.  

None of that changes the fact that Sara Carlson is not merely fierce; she’s full on ferocious.  Also, we can all agree that the only thing that could make this video better is if she looked like a tranny streetwalker who styled herself a member of Jem and the Holograms.  Fortunately for us, such a video exists:

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There’s a Million Reasons Why Glee is Your New Favorite Show. Here are Just a Few
May 1, 2009

First and foremost, there’s the extended trailer.  Without a question, this show is going to be brilliant:

LOLOLOL!  This is the best, right?  RIGHT.

Still, if you find yourself needing talking points to explain to your friends why you’ll be busy on May 19th, as well as why they should also be canceling plans and staying in for the Glee preview special, then allow me to give you a few suggestions:

  • Glee is a genuinely clever spin on the archetypal high-school-set underdog narrative.  This is essentially like Bring It On (a movie that nobody, or at least nobody I’d ever care to know, doesn’t love) stretched into a serial television show and made infinitely more camp by being set in the musical-number-laden world of glee clubs.  You certainly don’t have to be a ‘mo to love this show, but it probably helps to have one in the family.  Or, at the least, your place of work.
  • Jane Lynch is in it.  This woman is an undeniable force of pure hilarity, and if she’s reason enough to see Post Grad, she certainly is reason enough to watch Glee.
  • Any mention of gold stars immediately triggers thoughts of Notes on a Scandal, which is a completely unrelated movie that is totally incredible and you really should see if you haven’t already.  Hell, just watching the trailer makes me certain that May 19th is going to be a gold star day.
  • Matthew Morrison, the guy who plays the teacher in charge of the glee club, is the Altoid of good looks.  He’s curiously handsome.
  • Ryan Murphy’s the creator.  He gave us the short-lived-but-totally-amazing show Popular and Nip/Tuck, a show that’s now completely derailed into batshit insanity but was genuinely great for the first two seasons.  Any television series that casts Famke “Fierce Bitch” Janssen as a tranny can’t be bad.
  • One word: Journey.

So there you have it.  Now neither you nor any of your friends have any excuses to not to watch Glee.  Seriously, y’all, it’s going to be the greatest.  Show.  EVER!

Much love to Parker for the tip!

Against All Odds, I Think I Might Tolerate a West Side Story Remake
March 18, 2009

There’s no denying that this little lady is pretty damn near flawless:

So, when you’re dealing with such perfection, of course somebody has to go screw it up.  It’s a Hollywood rule.  Thankfully, the closest West Side Story is to a remake green light is a Broadway revival and this Vanity Fair photo spread.  Looks like we’re safe.  For today.

Still, that Vanity Fair spread does raise the specter of a possibility, and–as much as it startles me to admit to it–I wouldn’t be completely opposed.  

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When Life Gives You Last Night’s Gossip Girl, Make Dancing-Lady-ade
March 17, 2009

To wash the bile-tastic taste of last night’s Gossip Girl, my friend Brynn and I decided to turn to someone we knew we can always trust to entertain and delight, even in our darkest of ours.  That special someone is Joan Crawford, and last night, she was our Dancing Lady.  

We watched the ending because I’d completely passed out the previous time we attempted to watch it late one night (a belly full of pot roast and a few Joan Crawfords will do that to you, so don’t judge me!).

Dancing Lady is a 1933 musical starring Joan Crawford and Clark Gable (who, by the by, is ridicu-handsome in his youth).  I’d bother and try to explain the plot, but the plot is paper-thin, and Dancing Lady is really just an excuse to let the sparks fly between Crawford and Gable (their scene at the gym is a hysterical and sexy in the same breath) while uber-producer of the era, David O. Selznick, tries his best to recreate the magic of the Busby Berkeley musicals.  Oh, and the Three Stooges are in it.  And Fred Astaire makes his screen debut in it.  Here’s just a taste of the singing, dancing madness:

They dance on a magic carpet before landing in Bavaria to sing the joys of German beer?  It’s both obvious and logical to ask, “What in the hell?”, but I prefer to simply ask, “Why the hell not?”  Trust me, it’ll ease you into the total explosion of insanity that is the finale:

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I Guess I’m Excited About Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark?
February 26, 2009

Apparently some people I know have me pegged as being particularly excited about this lil’ piece of news:

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Hrmmm, I wonder why?  Could it be because I’m a nerd, or is it that to say that I like U2 is a gross understatement.  Who knows?  Whatever the reason, the sentiment was appreciated, but also:

I already knew that!  My nerdiness is lightning-quick like that, and if you really think I’m not going to be refreshing the official Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark website multiple times daily in eager anticipation of breaking news and/or ticket sales, then you obviously don’t know me or my obsessive tendencies in the slightest.

That doesn’t mean I’m not skeptical though.

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