It’ll be a nice opportunity to grow back some of the soul that the past three weeks of this nuclear-grade disaster-bomb have destroyed. I really hope that Gossip Girl isn’t practicing a scorched earth policy with their soul-killing descent into unrepentant atrociousness, ‘cos seriously, y’all:
Given that recapping last night’s Gossip Girl constitutes forcing yourself into a state of post-traumatic stress, I’m going to try to keep this brief. Hopefully I won’t blackout in a fit of rage before I’m finished writing this damn thing. Anyways.
In last night’s main plot, the Humphreys and the van der Woodsens decide to team up and throw Jenny a high-society sweet sixteen party. Jenny’s makes sad racoon eyes because she wants a smaller party because everybody hates her. Don’t worry, little J, I don’t hate you. I just hate your outfits. Everybody does hate her, though, so Serena thinks she’s losing her social edge because Jenny’s birthday is actually about Serena. Duh. I hate how I always forget that your birthday is always about somebody else.
Serena secretly starts up the party again and invites her socialite friend/human-shaped-mass-of-awful-with-a-wretched-haircut-and-foul-bangs, Poppy, so everybody at school will thinks she’s cool. Jenny proves to have a soul as ugly as the dress she wears to her party and invites everyone to the party through Gossip Girl and…oh, let’s just skip to the end. Really, at this point in the episode, I was wishing I’d baked rat poison or cyanide into my shepherd’s pie so I could end the dreadful suffering.