Sure, this is a bowl of gravy and a pint of Bugle Blast and a playlist consisting solely of “Someone Like You” away from a three-hanky PUT-DOWN-THAT-SPOON! intervention (Betty
Draper, er, Francis knows what we’re talking about); and yes, Adele has been such a pop-zeitgeist omnipresence that we’re all probably rolling in the fatigue (BOOM! See what I did there?); but whatever. I’ll take any chance I get to honor Joan Crawford’s perfectly-framed-by-shadows-single-tear sorrows, so pull up a chair and hand me a spoon, ‘cos this video’s giving me a case of the feelings.
Archive for the ‘Divas’ Category
Here’s a Joan Crawford Fan Video Set to Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep”
December 14, 2012
Sure, this is a bowl of gravy and a pint of Bugle Blast and a playlist consisting solely of “Someone Like You” away from a three-hanky PUT-DOWN-THAT-SPOON! intervention (Betty
Anywho, given how Liza love abounds around here, you’d think I’d probably just throw up a picture of Liza in all her sequined glory, post a clip of her killing it on stage at the Palace (or anywhere else, when you think about it, because that’s what Liza Minelli does, y’all: She KILLS IT), she-screech a little about how much I think she’s one of our greatest living legends and national treasures, and then just call it a day. I mean, I could, and after all, it sorta wouldn’t be the first time. MAIS NON!
Liza turns 65 this year, and that’s a damn special year as far as I’m concerned! I’ll be happy if I can get about at all without the assistance of a Rascal Scooter when I’m 65, so strutting about the way Liza still does would be asking for a lot. As such, this year we’re doing things a bit different, y’all.
Above? We have a fabulous caricature by one of my favorite artists, Al Hirschfeld, from the galleries over at Flixster. And below? A stunning discovery I just made in the name of Liza Minnelli birthday post research. So ladies and gentlemen, it’s with greatest pleasure to present the hot piece of early-90s razzle-dazzle that is Liza Minnelli performing “Losing My Mind” on The Arsenio Hall Show:
Beyond the singular pleasure that comes from watching a pitch perfect, classic Hollywood melodrama or the preternatural pleasure that is all but inevitable when witnessing Bette Davis’s deeply moving turn as Charlotte Vale, there are plenty of smaller pleasures to be gleaned from Now, Voyager. Pleasures like Bette Davis wearing the most fabulous movie hat to end all movie hats:
Seriously, Bette Davis’s hat gives all other movie hats hat envy. Particularly Kate Winslet’s hat from the beginning of Titanic. It’s a movies-with-narratives-that-prominently-feature-cruise-ships thing.
And here’s Bette Davis knitting while wearing the sort of sunglasses that make me long for a time when sunglass–and the rest of the world–stood for things that really mattered. Namely glamour:
Some people might say that it’s those sunglasses cover up those Bette Davis eyes. Everyone will say I should get off the stage for writing such an embarrassing pun.
Oh! And I’d be remiss to not mention the greatest Now, Voyager gift of all:
In Honor of the 105th Anniversary of Her Birthday, Here’s a Bevy of Joan Crawford Doing What Joan Crawford Does Best
March 23, 2010
From a still for the 1932 film Letty Lynton, here’s Joan Crawford epitomizing 1930s glamor in front of the most glorious Art Deco revolving doorway I’ve ever seen:
I’d like to imagine that this is the gay man’s version (or at least this gay man’s version) of Saint Peter and the Pearly Gates, but that might count too much of a good thing even by Heaven’s standards, so I can be willing to settle for just the doorway.
Here’s Joan Crawford’s cameo in the 1949 Doris Day vehicle It’s a Great Feeling:
Or as I like to call it, “Joan Crawford in furs, birthing cinematic Postmodernism.”
And then there’s Queen Bee, which leaves me without many words whether it’s as a single image:
Happy Birthday, Elizabeth Taylor!
February 27, 2010
Maybe it’s the way this still from Ash Wednesday makes me curse the fact that it is still not out on DVD for me to witness this:
BUT IN MOTION.
Or maybe it’s the exquisite tingle her delivery of Catherine’s climactic monologue in [obligatory spoiler warning] Suddenly, Last Summer:
Drop Dead Delightful
August 4, 2009
As has been alleged and avowed, I am a geek, and I am pretty damn gay. Often, these two facets of my personality come together in celebration of life’s grandest things. Whether it be my comic book inspired love of Daniel Cudmore, or my adoration of Jane Austen and Zombies, gay geekery has brought many wonderful things into my life. And today, I share my latest discovery.
You see, I am currently indulging in that most glorious of pursuits: the staycation. With the bar exam now nothing more than an unpleasant memory, and month before I enter the gentlemanly practice of law for the rest of eternity, I have nothing to do but sprawl out on the couch and enjoy about a month’s worth of DVR’ed TV ranging from re-runs of the The Big Bang Theory to HGTV’s Design Star. Included on the list is the latest effort from Lifetime, whose fine programming has entertained housewives and homos for years.
The moment I saw previews for this small-screen gem, I knew I would love it. I have to admit, I have a love of trashy legal shows. It is a closely guarded secret, but the path to my legal career began when fourteen year-old baby gay Shmathan first viewed Ally McBeal. It made corporate law seem fun and full of wacky hijinx. Those false expectations aside, I owe my law degree to Calista Flockhart’s short skirted escapades. So obviously, I am always eager to watch whatever legal comedy television has to offer, and Drop Dead Diva delivered in spades.
When the Bride of Frankenstein met the Frankenstein Monster, she was shocked and horrified. Her iconic scream was the scream of “DO NOT WANT!!!” This is actually quite sad because the time the Monster has spent with a blind man has taught him about kindness and companionship, and her rejection reaffirms his status as the monstrous Other. Given Jame Whale’s own sexuality, it’s hard to not read Bride of Frankenstein as an empathetic allegory about the demonization of the homosexual. And, if nothing else, the Bride’s one fabulously fierce diva. Simple logic dictates that I love that movie to pieces.
But if you put a movie on an altar of love and adoration, Hollywood’s going to feel morally obligated to remake it. And by remake it, I mean shit all over a perfectly good thing. Bride of Frankenstein‘s no exception to the Hollywood rule, so when I read the news on ComingSoon.net of an upcoming remake , I totally put on my Bride face like it was my Sunday best:
The Risky Biz Blog claims that Neil Burger, the director The Illusionist and The Lucky Ones, will be writing and directing. I haven’t seen either of these movies, but I’ve heard The Illusionist is really good, so I guess things could be far worse. Ehren Kruger could be tapped, so that’s something. But it’s not enough to stop me from being angry enough to shit diamonds.
I’ll inevitably get pissy about any remake that messes with a key film in the development of my movie taste, or any movie I just happen to really love, because virtually all of them end up being brainless, soulless exercises in corporate greed and Hollywood’s inability to put faith in (or even look for) original, intelligent material. The rare remake that does work, like John Carpenter’s The Thing or David Cronenberg’s The Fly, requires a truly original take on the material and a talented director. Without having seen any of his movies, I can only say this much about Neil Burger:
Fact: Jessye Norman was born in Augusta, Georgia.
Fact: Given that she’s a fellow Georgian, this fabulous diva always gives this ol’ opera queen a healthy dose of southern pride for biscuits and gravy and fried oreos and summer thunderstorms and the fact that it birthed the most gorgeous voice the world’s ever know.
Fact: Jessye Norman’s rendition of Wagner’s “Liebestod” will most assuredly destroy you. Particularly when she’s performing in front of a wall of fire and dressed in a gold robe, as she is for Jessye Norman: A Portrait, which should incidentally be noted as the DVD that now sits atop my Netflix queue.
Consider yourselves warned:
Congratulations. You’ve just had the high point of your day, and now the rest of it’s essentially ruined.
Fan Videos+Madonna+Classic Hollywood Montage=Perfection
April 11, 2009
I realized late last night that the lack of more gay marriage news has left a profound void in my life for all things homo. I’m fully aware that change does not come in a single instant; we build the better world we wish to live in through persistent work. Still, we can all agree that the past week has been, historically speaking, totally gay. And now we’re back to hum drum normality. As the newspapers sweep away the glitter of last week’s stories, I ponder: How does one fill the gay-shaped hole that sits in my soul?
With this, that’s how:
Have you ever seen Independence Day? This video is like that wall of fire when the aliens attack. Instead of killing you, though, these flames of faggotry make things gayer than a rainbow-colored clown car full of drag queens.
When even Lady Gaga will not do, it’s comforting to know that we can always rely on her Madgesty to gives us a shot of vitamin G (as in gay, le duh) to bring us back to our senses. This video in particular is like a perfect storm of homosexuality. Anything Madonna is inherently going to be like wearing a pink feather boa and a little body glitter on your cheeks the the Pride Parade, but the potent additions of a “Vogue”/”4 Minutes” mashup and a montage of classic Hollywood stars to visualize Madonna’s ode-to-the-diva interlude is proof positive that NOM is right: there is gathering, and it totally wants you to strike a pose!
Now that I feel properly reenergized, I think it’s time to go steal some rights. Look out, doctors in California and parents in Massachusetts! We will not be content until we’re having gay marriages right in your very home!
¡VIVA LA REVOLUCION!
(Thanks to Dana for this glitterbomb of fabulosity.)
Hot Toddy! The New Season of Green Porno is Here!
April 9, 2009
If I were an Oprah, I’d have an “Oprah’s Favorite Things” episode, and on that episode I’d talk about Isabella Rossellini’s insanely brilliant web series, Green Porno. Instead, I’m just me, but I do have a blog, and so I will talk about Green Porno anyways because it’s one of my favorite things. Seriously, y’all, it’s the bestest. And the bestest has just gotten bestester:
YESSSSSS!!!! All the gender-bending, elementary-school-play quality costumes, and colored-paper props we’ve come to know and love over the first season have returned to teach us about the sex lives of marine life. It’s just another reminder of how Isabella Rossellini’s totally the greatest.
You should start watching immediately because–trust me when I say this–you have not lived your life to the fullest until you’ve witnessed Isabella Rossellini perform her ode to the female reproductive organ, “Why Vagina.” And you most definitely have not lived until you’ve seen her reenact the mating rituals of whales, replete with a giant fake whale erection. It’s all really quite educational, but it’s probably also not so safe for work. Honestly, though, there’s some next level insanity/brilliance going on in this series; it’s like chocolate for your mind and soul.
Now eat it up!
Never Forget That Isabella Rossellini’s the Greatest
March 26, 2009
It’s pretty hard to deny that Isabella Rossellini’s an incredible woman. She’s a comedic genius:
She’s also a genius genius. Her web series for the Sundance Channel, Green Porno, couldn’t be more amazing if it tried. The series sounds scandalous, but it’s really about as inappropriate as a rather bawdy biology lesson. Isabella Rossellini dresses as various insects and recounts their sexual habits, gender-bending and anthropomorphizing these mating rituals into educational monologues that are as hilarious as they are enlightening. I suspect this is not entirely safe for work (I’d guess it’s PG-13ish?), but you truly haven’t lived until you’ve witnessed the Ms. Rossellini discuss the batshit insanity that is snail sex:
I usually attempt to avoid Hollywood gossip as it tends to be tons of speculation and rumor mongering and only so frequently comes to fruition, but when I read this on Celebitchy, I had a moment. A really shrill, shrieky moment of unabashed homo glee. Ears bled. Dogs barked. It was no good, so I worry for the world about what would happen if this news turned out to be more than just someone passing off their own two-cents on casting a Judy Garland biopic. But, according to the Daily Mail:
Hollywood starlet Anne Hathaway is in talks to play her movie idol Judy Garland in an upcoming film based on Gerald Clarke’s biography, Get Happy: The Life of Judy Garland.
The 26-year-old actress is so desperate to appear in the movie – which charts Judy’s rise to fame and her struggle with drink and drugs – that she may have to sacrifice other projects, which include a lead role in a comedy called The Fiance.
THIS ABSOLUTELY MUST HAPPEN. MAKE IT HAPPEN, HOLLYWOOD! See! I lose all control when I begin to this about the possibility of this rumor coming to fruition.
I mean, you need only watch this clip to recognize the incredibly obvious fact that Judy Garland is one fierce lady. Seriously, watch this fierceness:
Fierce. Fact number 765 about the homosexual community: we loooove hysterics, and those are some perfectly executed hysterics. Now you know why the gays love her.
Also, anybody that’s watched Rachel Getting Married knows that Anne Hathaway has some serious acting chops. Oh, and she can sing damn well:
Between the champagne-effervescence of her charm and the fact that she did self-destructive so well in Rachel Getting Married, casting her as Judy Garland is the duh of the century. Hell, make it more than a movie. Make it a ten-hour miniseries. I will watch it all. There’s no way it’d be anything less than fabulous.
Now watch this rumor turns out to be completely false and instead they cast Malin Akerman, because that’s just my (bad) luck. Though if they use that as an opportunity to cast Carla Gugino as drunky Garland, then I just might get on board…
What is “The Joan Crawford”?
March 17, 2009
Perhaps you read the previous post and asked yourself, “‘Pot roast and Joan Crawfords’? Whatever is a Joan Crawford?”
This is the Joan Crawford:
Trust me, it’s delicious.
To wash the bile-tastic taste of last night’s Gossip Girl, my friend Brynn and I decided to turn to someone we knew we can always trust to entertain and delight, even in our darkest of ours. That special someone is Joan Crawford, and last night, she was our Dancing Lady.
We watched the ending because I’d completely passed out the previous time we attempted to watch it late one night (a belly full of pot roast and a few Joan Crawfords will do that to you, so don’t judge me!).
Dancing Lady is a 1933 musical starring Joan Crawford and Clark Gable (who, by the by, is ridicu-handsome in his youth). I’d bother and try to explain the plot, but the plot is paper-thin, and Dancing Lady is really just an excuse to let the sparks fly between Crawford and Gable (their scene at the gym is a hysterical and sexy in the same breath) while uber-producer of the era, David O. Selznick, tries his best to recreate the magic of the Busby Berkeley musicals. Oh, and the Three Stooges are in it. And Fred Astaire makes his screen debut in it. Here’s just a taste of the singing, dancing madness:
They dance on a magic carpet before landing in Bavaria to sing the joys of German beer? It’s both obvious and logical to ask, “What in the hell?”, but I prefer to simply ask, “Why the hell not?” Trust me, it’ll ease you into the total explosion of insanity that is the finale:
It’s Liza With a Z’s Birthday With a B
March 12, 2009
Liza Minnelli turned 63 today, y’all. Banks should have closed, the mail shouldn’t have been delivered, and we should’ve all been at home watching Cabaret; alas, this did not happen. Still, now’s as good a time as any to celebrate one of the few living legends we have it today. Take it away, Liza:
The lady’s still got it. RECOGNIZE.
Why Should Anybody Be Watching Watchmen This Weekend When There’s Technicolor Gene Tierney Goodness to Be Had?
March 4, 2009
So last night I ran into my friend Brynn at Film Forum on my way to see Lola Montès–the crazy-brilliant cinematic extravaganza by Max Ophüls (more on that later)–and, while I was standing in line, she asked me, “So you know what comes out on Friday, right?”
My instantaneous reaction, given the inescapable barrage subway ads, movie trailers, and blue-johnson internet chatter, was obvious: Watchmen.
Oh, silly me! She was speaking in particular to Film Forum’s release schedule, and trust me when I say that the movie she had in mind doesn’t need any blue genitals to be twice the cinematic doozy that Watchmen will be.
Oh, snap, y’all! Having seen Leave Her to Heaven on a mere television, I can absolutely testify to how incredible it is as a movie, and I can guarantee that, on the big screen, it will positively MELT. YOUR. FACE. (Academically speaking.)
I think we all know what this means…
Joan in Her Humoresque Glasses Will Make Your Weekend (Lifetime)
February 21, 2009
Did you think I was lying when I said Joan wears the hell out of her glasses in Humoresque? I’m sure you didn’t, but in case you’ve gotta be all Doubting Thomas about it, here’s certifiable, undeniable proof. Behold! Joan in glasses:
I TOLD YOU! That’s some seriously glasses classiness. I mean, Joan’s bringing her patented Crawford Klassiness (Crawford Klassiness: So much class we had to spell is with a “k”) to the table in this movie. I totally covet those glasses.
And, OH!, how she accessorizes!
She is. And it’s called Humoresque. Humoresque is so incredible, in fact, that we can understand its brilliance through a simple mathematic equation, and math is infallible. To wit:
Joan Crawford melodrama+classical music concert numbers=the greatest movie ever. Le duh.
To give you an idea as to just how great it is, here’s a still:
Whoa. Just whoa.
In case you were confused by this picture, Humoresque is a melodrama that stars Joan Crawford. It’s not a comedy, which may come as a surprise given that the title has the word “humor” in it. Language comprehension is hard like that (unlike math).
I Feel a Diva Rant a Comin’ On…
February 12, 2009
So I’m not really one for useless random lists that rank the best anything in movies (unless it’s by the AFI, in which I then incessantly pick it apart as if it were a personal affront or affirmation), particularly when these list are generated by sloppy research base of unqualified hooligans that probably spend way to much time on the IMDB message boards debating just how hot Megan Fox is in Transformers (rule of thumb, kids: girls that look like diseased strippers are not hot) and who shot first (Han or Greedo? WHO CARES?). They also call each other “gay” when their opinions clash, and they tend to have spelling and grammar skills that make most second graders look like Yale graduates. Point being, these lists don’t deserve to be reported as news because their research pool are constantly poisoned by men in their mid-30s who still live at home with their mothers. In the basement. These people are frequently ignorant and all-around awful, so I probably should’ve just ignored this and moved along with my day. But sometimes I just can’t.
ANYWAYS. I digress.
I saw this little “news” item over on Celebitchy and got school-girl giddy. Apparently, a poll was conducted to compile a list of the 20 “Most Timeless Beauties.” Color me intrigued. And guess who won?
She really is the prettiest! Those cheekbones! That smile! Her eyes! And look at her appropriated image sell the hell out of some Gap skinny jeans:
I could never wear those pants because a) I have my mother’s hips and b) I’m not a girl, but if I didn’t have my mothers hips and an XY chromosome set, I’d totally rock those pants. And by “rock those pants,” I mean do that dance to AC/DC’s “Back in Black” in the privacy of my own bedroom. And then maybe post it to Youtube.
Maybe this list can be trusted, right? (Wrong.) Let’s see who’s number two!