Archive for July, 2011

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Perfect Tweet
July 29, 2011

And with that, Gwyneth Paltrow won all the gold stars.

All my love (and gold stars) to @GwynethPaltrow by way of The Awl and Movieline.

Irresponsible Mad Men Recaps Are Back, Irresponsibler Than Ever!
July 29, 2011

Obviously this is you right now in light of such news, but calm it down, Sally Draper. Simply put, the decision to bring back Irresponsible Mad Men Recaps has come on the heels of a few pressing issues I’ve been meaning to address:

  1. Recapping the first episode, posting a GIF of Peggy on a motorcycle, and making a Peggy faceplant GIF do not a recapped fourth season make, and blog promises are still promises, so suffice it to say, we (me, fourth season Mad Men, and the award-worthy Miss Blankenship) have some unfinished business to attend to. (more…)

Chloë Sevigny Loves Barbeque
July 29, 2011

Good morning, America. It’s recently come to my attention that Chloë Sevigny loves Barbeque. Well, imitation Chloë Sevigny (whom I love) by writer/performer Drew Droege and director Jim Hansen:

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Happy Birthday, Elizabeth Berkley!
July 28, 2011

I made you a birthday cake! Again! Hope it doesn’t suck!

The Lady Tigra’s “Summertime LA” Is the Hottest New Summer Jam
July 28, 2011

I know I said “I Got Pregnant” was our summer jam, but changing her mind is prerogative held by both women and fickle queens alike, y’all. Besides, the Lady Tigra’s “Summertime” has swooped in like a p*ssed off, crown-hungry drag queen and SNATCHED. MY. LOVE. Can you blame me? Those lyrics? POETRY. The beats? SICKENING. Seriously, the only thing hotter than waiting in an MTA station in NYC this past weekend is this song. One’s guaranteed to make you sweat, the other make you moist. Ew. Whatever. So hot, this song! The hottest, even!

Oh, and also:

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Allow Me to Introduce Riff Raff, Your New Favorite Riff Raff
July 28, 2011

Buzzfeed hopes he’s a troll, but as Videogum points out, Riff Raff previously appeared on that MTV show From G’s to Gents, so Riff Raff is either like the Lady Gaga of white rappers (possibly?) or completely out of his damn mind (probably). Whatever. From those fancy pants (gay pirates are in this season?) to those glasses (I can’t) to name checking Tony Chachere (pork chops!), everything about this video is 100% magic. F*ck it. Make that 110%. My point is that this Riff Raff is obviously our new favorite Riff Raff, and since I hate confrontation, I think I’ll let Heidi Klum take it from here:

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Please, Oh Please, OH PLEASE Let MTV Resurrect Bride & Tunnel
July 27, 2011

I’ll admit that I was tempted to head this post with a screen grab from when one of the male cast mates projectile vomits. I don’t know, it just felt like it’s more attention grabbing, but this being the blog that it is, I decided to go with the screen grab where a catfight erupts in a club and results with a girl getting shoved to the floor. My sensibilities are nothing if not consistent.

ANYWAYS, here’s a sizzle reel for MTV’s abandoned reality series Bridge & Tunnel. It’s basically like Jersey Shore, except it’s Staten Island. And everybody appears to live either at home or in a hotel? I don’t know. What I do know is that I haven’t gotten the trash TV train wreck tingles this bad since I saw the original Jersey Shore promo. The language is a little raw, but who cares? This show looks completely amazing:

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Comic-Con Cosplayers Lip-Dub Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”
July 26, 2011

Nerds! Cosplay [including Sucker Punch(?!?)]! Lady Gaga! Lip-dubbing for your life that would have RuPaul telling you to sashay away! These guys and gals were born this way (terribly nerdy and possibly with too much time on their hands?), and this video was indubitably born for this blog, so carry on, my brethren! Or, as the interwebs might decree: Ur doin it right.

Much love to Buzzfeed for this one.

Today’s “Quelle Surprise!” Shocker: Robyn Covering Coldplay’s “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall” Is Great
July 26, 2011

Remember that time Coldplay’s video for “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall” didn’t even go to this school belong on this blog? Well, color my occasionally questionable blog choices JUSTIFIED, y’all, ‘cos it’s like I have a fifth sense or something: Robyn recently stopped by Radio 1’s Live Lounge and performed a cover of “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall,” and it’s great! OBVIOUSLY.

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Here’s Two Kids Fighting About Getting Married
July 25, 2011

She wants to mary him. He wants to make like a howler monkey ‘cos he REALLY doesn’t want to marry her. Is the mother who’s filming this video for viral fame instead of stepping in like a reasonable adult being irresponsible? Yes Maaaybeee. Still, congratulations are most certainly in order.

After all, these two are already fighting like a couple of children, so they’ve got the toughest part of matrimonial bliss down pat! The rest is just a wedding cakewalk of mounting regret and bitterness occasionally punctuated by someone angrily tossing a brandy glass into a fireplace. Congratulations, kids! Love is nothing if not a many-splendored thing.

Much love to the Daily Mail by way of Buzzfeed for this one.

Eat a Deviled Crab Pâté With Vermouth and Oreo Sandwich
July 21, 2011

To explain:

As an office dare, I ate a deviled crab pate with vermouth and Oreo chocolate cookie sandwich for twenty bucks. This video is my reaction.

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The Dancing Squid Is Basically the Real-Life Nannerpuss
July 20, 2011

Most days over at this corner of the internet are devoted to sharing the camp curios and other various batsh*t crazy paraphernalia of the interwebs. Or, at the very least, yet another Showgirls reference, because Showgirls references NEVER get old. Then, of course, there are the days when your parents are about to come into town and you’ve spent your day off so far making the most of the city by eating a French Dip duck sandwich at Shopsin’s (trust me: you want to go to there), so the best offering you’ve come up with today is an old Denny’s commercial you’ve already previously posted because–much like Showgirls references–Nannerpuss never gets old.

Oh, and also: I just saw the following of this dancing squid, and it’s basically the real-life Nannerpuss:

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Apparently This Is the Original Video for Britney’s “Gimme More”
July 19, 2011

I mean, what? Did that just happened? Really? Wow. Just wow, y’all. That is a mess. A mess! And I love it. Obviously.

You know, had this been released back when in 2007, it probably would’ve been my favorite train wreck on a stripper stage of the year. Sorry, Lindsay Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me. People get cut (from hot mess stripper lists). That’s life.

Much love to Buzzfeed by way of Vulture for this one.

Doug Hughs Is Going Places With “Lights, Camera, Agent!”
July 19, 2011

A music video that namechecks John Wayne, Spencer Tracy, James Dean, Humphrey Bogart, Marlon Brando, Paul Newman, and yourself as a bid for fame and stardom? Oh, OH! This is rich! I bet Brad, our new favorite non-union actor-slash-model, is so p*ssed off right now that he didn’t think of this first. “Why didn’t I think of this first?!?”–Brad. And also probably Lindsay “Why wasn’t I in Black Swan?” Lohan, too, for that matter.

There’s just one thing bothering me about this video, though:

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Sister Sunshine Is Your Fag Hag
July 18, 2011

Listen, queen. Don’t get Sister Sunshine wrong. It’s not that she hates gay people  or anything. After all, she loves how you two can go out for appletinis or stay in with pints of your favorite flavors of Häagen-Dazs (she just a fiend for the raspberry vanilla swirl!), and she looooves that you will always greet her problems with a comforting “Oh, gurhl…” and offer a sympathetic sassy snap when all is resolved. You’re totes her bestie!

But still…

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Lindsay Lohan Could (Should?) Have Been the Swan Queen!
July 15, 2011

Well, well, well. The gossip world’s abuzz with claims that perennial tabloid critter and one-time Nina Sayers of Quiznos ads, Lindsay Lohan, may have a chip on her shoulder for never getting so much as a casting call for Black Swan. Obviously a story this good demands some equally grand ‘n glorious Photoshopping, so here you go:

Long story short, Us Weekly reports that Lindsay Lohan apparently flew down for a photo shoot and interview with Plum Miami Magazine, and when she proceeded to back out of the interview, writer Jacquelynn Powers went ahead with a story chronicling both Lindsay Lohan’s eloquence (“Move that cone. I’m Lindsay Lohan.”) and perceived career slights:

Frustrated with the state of her career, Lohan said she “took ballet until she was 19 and was indignant that she was not considered for the movie Black Swan,” Powers adds.

For such bravery in the face of Dina Lohan’s inevitable wrath, I do believe Ms. Powers deserves a “Bitch, you bold!” AND a gold star, y’all.

You know, there used to be a time when we’d hear stories about the roles Lindsay Lohan refused to take or speculate about possible Lohan-related video games, but now it’s stories about roles Lindsay Lohan believes she should have been (but wasn’t even) offered? I mean, I’m happy that she’s got as firm a grasp on reality as Natalie Portman did during that one scene in Black Swan when Mila Kunis took a swan dive into her smiling snatch (terrible pun and a Showgirls line grab! + +!), but why does the gossip world have to tease us so? Black Swan brilliance mixed with the sort of bravura acting last witnessed in I Know Who Killed Me? Obviously we need more Photoshopping to imagine how this better, batsh*ttier Black Swan Version 2.OMGWANT!!! could’ve ended:

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There’s Only One Emmy Nomination That Actually Matters
July 14, 2011

mildred pierce kate winslet evan rachel wood

Well, well, well. The Emmy nominations are out today, and Todd Haynes’s adaptation of Mildred Pierce is the leading contender with a whopping 21 nominations. Given the pedigree and the attention to period detail, this doesn’t strike me as a big surprise, but meh? I admit that I never got past the second episode, and a dear friend whose taste I can reliably trust insists that the final episode’s a doozy, but I honestly found myself bored. The pace felt plodding instead of deliberate, everything looked like a museum exhibition instead of a part of the contemporary times, and I ultimately decided a better use of five hours would be rereading James M. Cain’s novel while imagining Joan Crawford as Mildred. Sorry, Mildred Pierce (2011), but congratulations all the same!

That said, there is a single nomination that may actually get me to give a flip for once and tune in to the Emmy’s this year:

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Richard Simmons Is Planking
July 13, 2011

And it gets better. It gets video:

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This Girl’s Lip-Dub of Aladdin’s “A Whole New World” Is the Best
July 12, 2011

I’m sorry, but I love this. And for that matter, as is her address to all the haters as to why her Aladdin (who didn’t have a mustache) has a mustache:

ya i’m aware aladdin doesn’t have a mustache fuk off i didn’t know how else to show that i was a gUY and this couldve been a lot better but i was getting pissed at my computer so ya luv me or h8 me still an obsession ;-)))

Which is basically blah, blah, blah, mustaches are for boys only, blah, blah, blah, my computer sucks, blah, blah, blah, f*ck you ‘cos I’m still famous? I love it! Obviously the jealous, jealous interwebs just don’t understand her genius and its attempts at Disney-inspired ART, but I do.

No, really, I do.

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George C. Scott Watching the Jack and Jill Trailer Almost Redeems the Jack and Jill Trailer
July 12, 2011

George C. Scott’s suffering is both delicious and precisely what we’re all feeling right now, but the trailer for Adam Sandler’s “comedy” Jack and Jill is still the trailer for Adam Sandler’s “comedy” Jack and Jill, so like I said: ALMOST.

Much love to Paul Bonanno by way of Buzzfeed for this one.

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