This Krispy Kreme Hot Dog Is Not an April Fools’ Joke, Y’all April 1, 2015

 I repeat: this Krispy Kreme Hot Dog is not an April Fools’ joke, y’all. It is a cross-promotion between the New Castle Krispy Kreme and the Wilmington Blue Rocks, a minor league baseball team in Wilmington, Delaware. The Krispy Kreme Hot Dog is a hot dog covered in bacon, drizzled with raspberry jam, and served inside a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

It’s “a new chapter in ballpark concessions”, and that chapter is titled “Sweet Jesus.” It’s a reminder that there is no crying in baseball, but there is an ever-present threat of cardiac arrest. It’s a desperate howl from the monster mouth of a national pastime gone awry. The Krispy Kreme Hot Dog is why you’re Shaq fat, America, and it’s why I wish I knew how to quit you:

Ooh, Heaven Is a Place on the Corner of 6th Ave and 37th Street March 11, 2015

Or at least it will be come this summer…

Crain’s New York Business is reporting that Chick-fil-A is set to open a three-story (!!!) restaurant at the corner of Sixth Avenue and West 37th Street later this summer. That’s mere blocks from where I work and one step closer to traveling to being so morbidly obese I travel by Rascal. *sigh* On the plus side, now I one less reason to consider leaving New York City, at least until they close all the White Castles and affordable rent goes the way of the dodo, the dinosaur, and my dignity. So give it a couple more years, okay Atlanta?

And yes, I’m aware that Chick-fil-A is a Homo No-No in certain circles, to which I say:

In Honor of Betty Draper Francis, Here’s a New Ben & Jerry’s Flavor April 5, 2012

And it’s called “Bugle Bombshell.” Sadly, though, this best idea food baby is but a tease from Tauntr.com (that name, so apt right now!), because I’m all too certain I’d otherwise throw on my favorite eating dress (the salmon–mmm, salmon–number with the pom poms) and nom nom nom the f*ck out of it. Betty Draper/Francis eating ice cream GIF knows exactly what I’m talking about.

Much love to UPROXX for this one.

Happy Birthday to Our First Lady of New York and Camp Icon for the Foodie Crowd, Sandra Lee! July 3, 2011

You know, when the news broke two Fridays ago that New York voted to legalize same-sex marriage, my initial reaction was jubilation, my second was that we’d finally done it, third that Governor Andrew Cuomo is a hero, and my fourth was to f*ck all that noise ‘cos I’m putting this one entirely on First Ladyfriend of New York, Sandra Lee!

Really, I’m sure there’s an argument to be made about changing cultural climates and increased societal acceptance and blah blah blah, but I’d much prefer to believe that us gays would’ve never gotten to where we are today without tablescapes and Cocktail Times. So here’s to Sandra Lee! Keep on winning over our hearts with your crazy, giving such exquisite face, and being the kind of fabulous First Lady this fine state of New York deserves! And because such a day deserves a celebratory drink, let’s all join Sandra for a Lush Lagoon:

Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Monster Mouth Corner: Oops, I Sandra Lee’d a Shepherd’s Pie April 26, 2011

So it’s finally happened:

Despite every crack I’ve made about Sandra Lee, I finally hopped on her crazy train and rode into the recipe world called Semi-Homemade. Yes, like some drunk sorority girl dancing atop the bar at an Alpha Delta Pi mixer, I decided last night that I would be try-curious. The only difference was that nobody would be taking me home afterwards for some sloppy on-top-of-the-clothes action followed by a barf in my trash can, but you know what? That’s the difference between food sluts and regular sluts, and I can be okay with that. (Slut Barbie knows what I’m talking about.)

It’s also worth noting that Sandra Lee’s semi-homemade dishes follow her “70/30” philosophy (70% store-bought, 30% fresh), whereas my lazy ass couldn’t be bothered to use anything that hadn’t been sitting atop my cupboard (boxed mashed potato flakes) or in my freezer (a beef pot pie). Hell, even the cheese was pre-shredded, so I guess my shepherd’s pie merely qualifies as “barely homemade.” Whatever. The recipe’s simple, so I encourage you give it a look: