Here’s a GIF of Idina Menzel and John Travolta at the 2015 Oscars February 23, 2015

While the rest of last night’s Oscars might be described as safe, here is a GIF of the one moment that felt anything but: Idina Menzel and John Travolta, together onstage to revisit 2014’s “Adele Dazeem” gaffe. Idina, you in danger, girl!

Elizabeth Taylor: A Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner Mini Memorium March 23, 2011

As we’ve all without doubt most sadly heard by now, Dame Elizabeth Taylor has passed away at the age of 79 after being hospitalized six weeks ago for congenital heart failure. With a career and life as wildly storied as hers (the accolades and awards! The marriages and divorces and remarriages! Her tireless contributions to the fight against HIV and AIDS! Being Elizabeth frickin’ Taylor!), it would be wrong to not offer one of Hollywood’s greatest and most glamourous screen icons of all time a moment of elegant and somber reflection, which is precisely why you should read this New York Times‘s obituary. It really is quite the lovely tribute.

This being the particular corner of the internet that it is, however, it would also be remiss to not pay respect with a wink and a mince and the utmost devotion to the divine Dame Taylor. After all, we’ve gotta smile through the tears (and believe me, there were tears this morning. At work. And now. So awkward!), which is precisely (and perhaps a little surprisingly?) why I’m not going to make too much about this:

Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Thanksgiving List: The Muppets’ Cover of “Bohemian Rhapsody” November 25, 2009

Oh sweet mercy, y’all.  It’s the day before Thanksgiving, so HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVE!  I hope that you, like me, are making like a competitive eater and stuffing your face with whole heads of lettuce so you can stretch out ample room in your stomach for that extra slice of pumpkin pie.  After all, not taking seconds on dessert is what we call “exercising moderation,” and I’m pretty sure that’s a federal offense on Thanksgiving.  

Oh, it’s not?  Well, it should be.

ANYWAYS, here’s the Muppets covering “Bohemian Rhapsody,” which is precisely the sort of thing that makes me thankful for the internet:

This is like extra-slice-of-pie level happiness without all the empty calories or embarrassment of slipping into a food coma mid-sentence, so basically this video’s the bestest.

Every Band Should Have Their Own LeftRightLeftRightLeft May 1, 2009

I totally recognize that Coldplay is pretty much the “rock” band for soccer moms, and I also recognize that admitting to liking Coldplay (unless you’re a soccer mom) is terminally lame.  Hell, it’s so lame that if you admit to liking Coldplay while in Williamsburg, a swarm of hipsters surrounds you and silently judges you as if you were responsible for bringing the swine flu to an elementary school.

Whatevs, though.  I think they’re great.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed all of their albums since I first bought Parachutes, and Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends was without a doubt one of my favorite albums of last year.  I’ve seen them live twice, and they have a sincere desire to make sure you’re having as much fun as they are when they’re performing.  There’s no posturing to be cool or edgy; it’s just unabashed love, and I for one appreciate that.

Also, there’s this:

“What the hell is LeftRightLeftRightLeft?” you ask?  Well, according to Coldplay.com, it’s the new live album they’re giving away to all concert goers on this (presumably) last leg of their tour.  Oh, and also anyone that can’t make it to a show who instead downloads it from their website.  Says their site:

Good morning. We’re pleased to announce that Coldplay will be giving away a live CD, LeftRightLeftRightLeft, at every remaining live show in 2009 (apart from festival shows). Starting with the band’s first North American tour date, at West Palm Beach in Florida on May 15th, every fan attending a show will be given a free copy of the nine-track CD, which won’t be available elsewhere. Also on May 15th, LeftRightLeftRightLeft will be made available as a free download right here at Coldplay.com, for all fans (and for the same time period). 

According to the band, the give-away is meant as a recession-busting mark of gratitude to everyone who’s supported them: “Playing live is what we love. This album is a thank you to our fans – the people who give us a reason to do it and make it happen.”

Hell yes, Coldplay.  Yet another reason for me to love you long time.

There’s a New Blog in Town April 11, 2009

And it wants to teach you a new dance.  People, the Glitter Parade has arrived, and it shall destroy you.  Just behold its header:

Judging just by that, we can all concur that this is the blog you must read (besides mine, natch).  If there were such a thing as a blog party, the velvet ropes of the Glitter Parade are what you’d be begging to get past.  Paris Hilton has been waiting for this moment like a new sex tape, and Lindsay Lohan’s itching for it to go lesbian so she can still remain (vaguely) relevant.

Paradigms shift, gays get married, and the Glitter Parade begins its march.  Historically speaking, we can all  agree: nothing shall ever be the same.

Update of sadness as of June 3rd, 2009:  It seems as though the Glitter Parade was but a candle in the wind.  The Glitter Parade: 2009-2009.  Le sadness.

Hot Toddy! The New Season of Green Porno is Here! April 9, 2009

If I were an Oprah, I’d have an “Oprah’s Favorite Things” episode, and on that episode I’d talk about Isabella Rossellini’s insanely brilliant web series, Green Porno.  Instead, I’m just me, but I do have a blog, and so I will talk about Green Porno anyways because it’s one of my favorite things.  Seriously, y’all, it’s the bestest.  And the bestest has just gotten bestester: 

YESSSSSS!!!!  All the gender-bending, elementary-school-play quality costumes, and colored-paper props we’ve come to know and love over the first season have returned to teach us about the sex lives of marine life.  It’s just another reminder of how Isabella Rossellini’s totally the greatest.

You should start watching immediately because–trust me when I say this–you have not lived your life to the fullest until you’ve witnessed Isabella Rossellini perform her ode to the female reproductive organ, “Why Vagina.”  And you most definitely have not lived until you’ve seen her reenact the mating rituals of whales, replete with a giant fake whale erection.  It’s all really quite educational, but it’s probably also not so safe for work.   Honestly, though, there’s some next level insanity/brilliance going on in this series; it’s like chocolate for your mind and soul.

Now eat it up!

Never Forget That Isabella Rossellini’s the Greatest March 26, 2009

It’s pretty hard to deny that Isabella Rossellini’s an incredible woman.  She’s a comedic genius:

She’s also a genius genius.  Her web series for the Sundance Channel, Green Porno, couldn’t be more amazing if it tried.  The series sounds scandalous, but it’s really about as inappropriate as a rather bawdy biology lesson.  Isabella Rossellini dresses as various insects and recounts their sexual habits, gender-bending and anthropomorphizing these mating rituals into educational monologues that are as hilarious as they are enlightening.  I suspect this is not entirely safe for work (I’d guess it’s PG-13ish?), but you truly haven’t lived until you’ve witnessed the Ms. Rossellini discuss the batshit insanity that is snail sex:

 

The Bestest: The Video for “Laid” Was Apparently Filmed Inside My Head February 28, 2009

I’d never really picked-up on the band James, but I always knew their song “Laid” as that pop song I liked that was in the trailer for American Pie.  Then today I was perusing wikipedia to see what other bands Brian Eno has produced, and a Manchester band by the name of James was mentioned.  If U2 and Coldplay hold any sort of proof positive, it’s that Brian Eno is the Worcestershire sauce for UK rock: he makes them just taste better.  So imagine my surprise when I came upon this little candy-colored, acid-laced cupcake of nostalgic awesomeness:

I’m quite glad that I never saw this video before today because I’m pretty sure I would’ve just been confused, but now it’s just a checklist of things that I love, including but not limited to:

• Jacques Demy-esque pastels
• Fancifully energetic frontmen
• Dolly zooms (aka the Vertigo zoom; see 0:26 and 1:14 in the video)
• 50s kitsch set decoration, costuming, and general aesthetic ambience
• Subtitles in a music video
• Gender roles
• Drag

Then there’s this shot, which might be the most formally brilliant shot.  Ever:

The Bestest: I’m Here to Recruit You to Buy “Milk” on DVD February 7, 2009

I literally just read this and spilled my milk (WHOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!  Puns are the best) after I read this.

But seriously, though, why aren’t you already excited about the impending release of Milk on DVD?  ‘Cos need I remind you?  I shouldn’t, but here goes:

Excellent.  You’ve been reminded, so let us continue.

Milk stands as a precedent for American cinema.  Brokeback Mountain was great, but that movie was also bogged down in the politics of homo-self-loathing.  Milk escapes that space and craves for something different.  What if we respected ourselves as mere human beings that deserve basic, inalienable rights?  What if we spoke out and verbalized a longing for such a respect from the rest of this nation, or any nation, that refuses such a simple, human recognition?  Milk, as a movie, doesn’t exist in closets, nor does it even bother to come out of them.  It explodes them.  For once, cinematically, we begin to get answers to the questions that really matter.

But let’s get serious (if we weren’t enough already).

In a time where the images of homosexuals in mainstream media are constructed by flaming queens and closet cases, Milk stands as a socio-political testament to the notion that we are just as much like you as anyone else.  No other film this year has been so pointedly political yet so simultaneously cinematically beautiful.  If nothing else, it merges documentary material and original footage as though we were seeing a news broadcast in such a seamless fashion that the walls between documentary and fiction crumble in such a way that you practically forget this isn’t a documentary.  Brilliant.  And then there’s that Danny Elfman score.  Perfection.

I understand that we live in a time where every dollar means so much more (both politically and in our pockets, if nothing else), and that is why I say: buy Milk.  Or rent it at the very least.  You won’t regret it.  Sean Penn is the best.  Seriously, give him the Oscar. NOW.

And as for that film?  Well, it gives us hope.  And hope itself is something to matter in these times.

Thankee, DVDactive.

The Bestest: Worcestershire Sauce Edition February 3, 2009

While the primary intention of this blog is to be a source of movie reviews (albeit with the occasional tangential diatribe), I’ve decided–for reasons beyond all logic–that my Christening post should be about the wonder that is the Worcestershire.  Go figs.

Anywhosey, Worcestershire indubitably makes everything better, hence it being the Bestest.  Soups?  You betcha.  Hamburgers?  Without a doubt!   Gravy?  Mmmmyesplease!!!  Ice cream?  Don’t see why not.  Seriously, were it not for the fact that it’s apparently “socially unacceptable” (whatever the hell that means), I’d bathe in that shit, and I would smell DELICIOUS.

Also, Worcestershire sauce is the secret ingredient to zombies.  Seriously: Bestest.