Archive for the ‘Blogs’ Category

Notes on a Few Things, Notably Susan Sontag’s “Notes on ‘Camp'”
July 7, 2013


Should Joan Crawford’s face not say enough, why yes, I haven’t quite been myself lately.

See, for quite some time, I’ve been thinking about how–save for the infrequent post here or there–I’ve really been a terrible mother to this blog. Simply terrible. Like Annette Bening in Running With ‘Command X’, or Faye Dunaway in Tina-Bring-Me-The-Axe.Tumblr.Com. Oh, the guilt! Oh, the shame. It’s crippling stuff, darling.

More importantly, though, I recently came to a most important decision that a few small (or very big, depending upon the view) life changes just had to be made. Needless to say, I’ve found myself with a bit more time on my hands.

Sure, I’m no sissy when it comes to idle hands (I’m just a sissy all around), but I knew I needed something to do. Knitting isn’t apropos during a heat advisory, and I’ve seen Candy Crush Saga ruin people’s lives. (Seriously, that game is like a less gauche meth addiction. Now please excuse me while I clear all the jelly.)

Anyways, as I see it, there only ever was one choice: get back to this blog, and get back to it for good. Because writing it has always brought me happiness like white diamonds luck to Elizabeth Taylor. And because even if I don’t personally know you, you’ve found your way here by some shared interest, and that’s something that matters. I love this blog, and I love y’all, too.

(As for those here by Google search gone horribly, horribly wrong? I’m sorry. This is not the dick GIFs blog  you’re looking for.)

Now, about Susan Sontag’s “Notes on Camp”:


There Is Now a Tumblr Corner of the Internet Where Camp is Queen
July 5, 2011

Since one corner of the interwebs is quite simply not enough for all these Showgirls references, now there’s another. So leave your inhibitions at the door. (OBVIOUSLY.) No need to thank me. You’re already welcome.

In Honor of Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s First Birthday, a Few Words From Your Captain
February 3, 2010

Why yes, there is a reason this corner of the internet’s feeling so fancy today:

I know, I know.  It might surprise you to know, but Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner began a year ago today, even more surprising is that those early posts were about a hodge podge of things like the world’s greatest condiment, a movie about a man that ejaculates fire, a banana monster, the dazzling directorial debut of Showgirl‘s Rena Riffel, a music video that was ostensibly filmed inside my head, my favorite Joan Crawford movie, the fact that she wears glasses in said movie, the increasingly ridiculous task of reviewing every track off U2’s No Line on the Horizon in Haiku, that one time Lindsay Lohan tried to sell us outfits adorned with anal beads, and that other time I learned to stop worrying and love Lady Gaga’s (gay) bomb.

On second thought, that all sounds pretty par for the course around here, so scratch that.

My point is that it might have been a long a curious journey involving frequent over-caffeination and the constant threat of carpal tunnel to get us where we are today, and I thank you for coming along for the ride, my dears.  Here’s hoping we continue to ride this crazy train together long into the sunset.

Now let’s all celebrate with some ice cream cake:


And Then There Were Three
July 15, 2009

I swear, y’all!  I go away for one extended weekend and suddenly this blog’s gone to shenanigans!  Shmathan’s stripping down and getting the vapors over some sort of beefcake (I must admit that I’m partial to Red Velvet, so he can have at that), Shmarker lost his blogging v-card with an impressive 2,000+ words of crazy (not a bad thing, but this is a blog and not James Joyce’s Ulysses), and I’m in the midst of a blog existential crisis: Am I still the gay blogger version of Emperor Palpatine?  I know there can be only two, but now I’ve got three!  DAMNIT!  Rules are rules, so I guess, it’s time to emulate bigger and badder bitches.  Like this mind-blowing piece of undeniable gorgeousness:

Heidi Fleiss

Yup, that’s right: Heidi “Hollywood’s Madam” Fleiss.  I figure that, if I’m gonna be running a veritable brothel of blogertainment, I might as well model myself after the epitome of class.  After all, it was Ms. Fleiss that educated us on Charlie Sheen’s great love for hookers.  If it weren’t for that bombshell, his marriage to Denise Richards would’ve never made any sense!

When you think about it, she’s the perfect role model.  She has a celebrated career in Hollywood, a keen entrepreneurial sense, and naturally stunning features.  She also makes excellent choices.

Oh, wait:


Benjamin’s Blogging Timeliness on Summer Holiday
July 12, 2009

Has it seemed curiously dark on your favorite blog stomping grounds?  Has the lack of pop culture bitchery and glittery flamboyance left you going through blog withdrawal, the waves of unimaginable chills only to be followed by prolonged sensations that nothing is ever going to be hysterically dissected by a cranky gay man EVER AGAIN?  If so, I’m sorry.  I’ve been busy:

summer vacation.jpg

Yes, in my grand tradition of perfect blog timeliness, I must admit that my parents have been visiting.  Since Thursday.  It’s been trips to see the lesser sights and sounds of New York City, and so many delicious meals made all the more delicious by the fact that I haven’t had to cover the tab.  And now, as Madonna has always said, we need a holiday, and this little lady’s off to Hampton Bay.

It’s a land without wi-fi or even the internet.  In short, I’m heading off to the Stone Age, but with adorable cabins.  Trust me, I suspect this’ll be harder for me than it is for you.  Fortunately, I’ll be back midweek, at which point the crazy gears will be well rested and the blog machine will be back in action for maximum ridiculousness.

In the mean time, I leave with a trailer for the second most exciting thing happening this week.  After, of course, my return:


Today’s Secret Shame: I’ve Been Known to Do a Crazy Dance
July 2, 2009

Apparently my long-time friend and apprentice to my evil blog empire took offense at yesterday’s post about Hilary Duff post:

shmathan is displeased

Why?  Because apparently I neglected to mention that, in our sophomore year of college, Shmathan and were known to sing and dance to Ms. Duff’s ode to empowering spontaneity, “Why Not?”  I was going to be all apologetic and write a nostalgic post about all the wonderful times we’ve had, but I’ve unexpectedly come down with a case of the Carly Simons.  Symptoms include fever, nausea, and betting you think this blog is about you.  I mean, really, the indignation of it all!  How dare he?  Does he not know that my blog powers cannot be defeated:

Correction: My UNLIMITED POWAAAAAH (at blogging) cannot be defeated.  

Still, I must admit that, watching this clip, I cannot help but grow a little touched.  It was Shmathan and I who relished the camp pleasure of Ian McDiarmid’s batshit insane performance in Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith time and time again.  Shmathan was the one who solved the Rubick’s cube that is Jessica Alba’s acting style; and, yes, it was Shmathan who convinced me to do a crazy dance in the dorms, time and time again.  Damn you, nostalgia!  Must you be my Waterloo?  

Anywhosie, enough of that nonsense.  Now that I’ve shed my single tear of emotion, I need to touch-up my bitchface and get back to blogging like I only intend to see you next Tuesday.  And Shmathan, consider yourself spared.  This time.  Next time I’ll be considerably less favorable.  As if you could ever have the strength or fortitude to hijack my blogging for your own pety desires!  Ha!  POWAH!  UNLIMITED POW-


Who’s That (Blog) Girl?
June 25, 2009

As of last night, the second most important paradigm shift in your life (after the immaculate conception of fabulousness/ridiculousness that is this blog, DUH) happened like a big bolt of fierceness from the heavens above.    I’m officially the flamboyantly gay version of Emperor Palpatine, and I have taken on an apprentice; and while I won’t hesitate to cut said bitch if they dare to throw me into a Death Star reactor, it’s safe to say that all of our lives have gotten an always welcome shot of more-fabulous.

But who is this lucky lady?  Well, I’ll say this much: It ain’t Madonna circa the 1987 reworking of Bringing Up Baby.  No no:


The Revolution Will Not Be Televised Via Vlogs; or, Against “Fuck You”
May 5, 2009

Supposedly this video has been making the rounds today on the internet; and I’ve been told that, in particular, this was THE Facebook video for the gays.  I’m not sure precisely sure what it is other than painfully frustrating, but give it a go and see how far you can make it.  I made it 41-seconds in before I had to stop it.  Let’s see how much of it you can take (oh, and by the by, the language is definitely not safe for work):

Insofar as this video is making a statement against homophobia, that’s great.  I’m glad to see that the internet is being used as a tool to connect members from various parts of the world into a digital community.  The interwebs are exciting, and this is the future y’all!  These young queers are certainly making the most of it, and that’s a wonderful thing.  Metaphorically speaking, these kids are like Queer 2.0, and I’m just running on Homos ’95.

So then why then am I so bothered by this video?  Is it the fact our operating systems might simply not be compatible, so to speak?  Or perhaps is it the fact that watching people vlog makes me quite uncomfortable with the extreme exhibitionism of it all?

Whatever the case, let’s discuss:


There’s a New Blog in Town
April 11, 2009

And it wants to teach you a new dance.  People, the Glitter Parade has arrived, and it shall destroy you.  Just behold its header:


Judging just by that, we can all concur that this is the blog you must read (besides mine, natch).  If there were such a thing as a blog party, the velvet ropes of the Glitter Parade are what you’d be begging to get past.  Paris Hilton has been waiting for this moment like a new sex tape, and Lindsay Lohan’s itching for it to go lesbian so she can still remain (vaguely) relevant.

Paradigms shift, gays get married, and the Glitter Parade begins its march.  Historically speaking, we can all  agree: nothing shall ever be the same.

Update of sadness as of June 3rd, 2009:  It seems as though the Glitter Parade was but a candle in the wind.  The Glitter Parade: 2009-2009.  Le sadness.

We Can All Agree: Gabe Delahaye is a Dreamboat Among Men
March 28, 2009

In my utter commitment to blabbering on about absolutely nothing of any relevance, I bring you the latest installment of Gabe and Max’s Guide to Man Style, which I stumbled upon over at Videogum:

Admittedly, this isn’t the funniest of their clips, but it’s still fabulous and with just enough homoeroticism to send me into a fit of vapors.  No, the funniest would have to go to their video on dining and wine, which might be the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen (which might indicate that I don’t get out much):

Given my proclivity for cooking and fondness for dinner parties, I think my next party should indeed be themed “Erotic Nightmare.”  Whatever precisely that is.  I’ll figure it out after I’ve successfully hosted my “Divas of Classic Hollywood” dinner party.

Anywhosie, the real point of this blabberfest is to point out the terribly obvious fact that these two men are comedic geniuses, and also the even more obvious fact that Gabe is the dreamiest thing known to (gay) mankind.  When I say this to people, I get looks of extreme confusion, but it’s really quite obvious:


LAUNCH!!! (part deux)
March 15, 2009

My friend Lindsay and I have decided to make the most of living in this city, take long meandering walks in the park, see sights both usual and unusual, that sort of thing.  And of course we had to start a blog about our endeavors.  That’s interweb law, right?

You can find it over here, my three faithful readers!  I promise to keep the crazy to a minimum as this is more of a docu-blog, but I like my promises to be pliable, so consider yourselves warned.  Enjoy!

%d bloggers like this: