Kate McKinnon and Kumail Nanjiani’s Carol parody from the 2016 Spirit Awards has been all over my Facebook feed since this morning. It’s a nice reminder of the company that I keep online and, better still, a reason to use the “Lesbians” tag twice in one week, so here it is. As I feel like I’m on a roll, sapphically speaking, maybe I’ll treat myself to a clandestine glove lunch of creamed spinach and poached eggs to celebrate.
Also, as it’s mere hours before the Academy Awards, I thought I’d spitball a few predictions for the award winners and the show in general:
- Best Supporting Actress: My fingers are crossed for Rooney Mara, as she holds her own magnificently against the divine Cate Blanchett in Carol, but I’d be equally delighted to see Jennifer Jason Leigh win for The Hateful Eight. Leigh’s gleefully nasty performance elevated itself above that film’s crass misogyny.
- Best Supporting Actor: I don’t know, but if I were a betting man, I’d go with Sylvester Stallone, because that’s practically the same thing as recognizing Ryan Coogler and Michael B. Jordan, right?
- Speaking of diversity–or the lack thereof–I feel like there will be an awful lot of jokes about how white the Oscars are, and many probably won’t be that good. Chris Rock may get a few sturdy jabs in, but the Oscars are too dry and self-congratulatory to make room for anything that might be construed as biting humor or accountability.
- Best Actress: Based on buzz alone, I don’t see how it won’t be Brie Larson in Room, but I’d be happy for Saoirse Ronan in Brooklyn or Cate Blanchett in Carol. My head will literally explode from shock if Charlotte Rampling wins.
- Best Actor: There’s only one reason to watch this category, and that’s to see if Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t win. Since the Oscars do not give awards for Most Camp Performance or Best Tuck Scene, Eddie Redmayne will not win for all the tragic lilting he did in The Danish Girl. I, for one, am heartbroken.
- Best Directing: In my mind, the award should go to Todd Haynes, but he wasn’t even nominated, so I’d like it to go to George Miller for Mad Max: Fury Road. That movie is like a silent film on angel dust, and I loved it. Something tells me the award is going Alejandro Iñárritu, though, and that really bums me out, because his movies always feel like art house parodies made without irony.
- Best Picture: Again, I think it should go to Carol, which isn’t even nominated, but Mad Max: Fury Road is, so it should go to Mad Max, but again, my gut tells me it’s going to The Revenant. I’m not sure there are enough Fiona Apple at the Oscars GIFs to adequately convey my disappointment, but let’s try anyways:
- Simply put, Carol was both my favorite and (I think) the best film of 2015. Mad Max: Fury Road was a close second, for sure, but Carol was something special. Mad Max is like a bonkers distillation of film language into something pure and primal, but Carol is like watching film history get opened up to be more inclusive. It’s the best parts of a Douglas Sirk melodrama without the camp histrionics, and for once I mean that as a compliment. Better still, it’s an Oscar-worthy same-sex love story where nobody dies or is reduced to a tragic cliche. They’re both wholly deserving, I’m just a little partial to the latter, though the fact that both Haynes and his movie were snubbed as they were feels lazy and negligent. That all said, MILLER AND MAD MAX OR BUST! (“Bust” being Fiona Apple GIFs into infinity.)
- Also, since I can’t help myself, here are a couple of GIFs I made from the Carol parody that seem fitting for what will probably be an evening of chilly receptions and few surprises:
- Lastly, as a gentle reminder: Don’t forget your gloves.