Archive for the ‘Television’ Category

Since It’s Somehow *Not* a Thing, Here’s a “Yas Queen Amidala” GIF
March 9, 2016

yas-queen-amidala

I’ll admit that I’m a little surprised, if not disappointed, that the internet hasn’t yet birthed a Broad City/Star Wars crossover GIF of my our hopes and dreams. It seems so obvious that it should’ve already happened, but it hasn’t, so here were are. Either people just hate the prequel trilogy that much, or other people have better things to do with their lunch breaks than combines all the things they love (like flamboyant homosexuality, cultural objects of undue derision, and puns) into a single GIF that positively screams “I HAVE NO LIFE!” “YAS QUEEN…AMIDALAAA!”

Whatever the case, I’m glad I made this GIF for you and the queen in your life who loves their swishiness shrill and their galaxies far, far away. After all, “If you see a hole, fill it” are words I try to blog by, as well as the house rule at Jabba the Slutt’s Palace.

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In Honor of International Women’s Day, Here’s Tina Turner and Ann-Margret Performing “Proud Mary”
March 8, 2016

 I’ll be the first to admit that this video could’ve found itself onto the blog most any day of the week, but today is International Women’s Day, and as such I’d argue this performance of “Proud Mary” by Tina Turner and Ann-Margret is particularly appropriate. After all, it’s two women singing of their struggles workin’ for the man aboard a steamboat that is itself a proud woman, if only by name. And since Ann-Margret is Swedish, this video is a true celebration of women and tres international to boot. Come for the weird introductory banter about Tina Turner’s age, stay for all the insanely sweet dance moves, and most importantly: Happy International Women’s Day!

Look at How Long It Takes Julie Andrews to Get Down the Stairs
February 23, 2016

No wonder her man got away.

This Rosie O’Donnell Show Interview with Liza Minnelli Is Something Else
February 22, 2016

liza minnelli rosie odonnell show

It’s my belief that all things are made better by Liza Minnelli, and so today I propose a little MWM: Monday With Minnelli. In particular, I’d like to suggest this interview with an “I” between Ms. Minnelli and the inspiration for Cabaret 2‘s favorite person, Rosie O’Donnell. It’s something else from top (O’Donnell) to bottom (David Gest), so give it a watch and let’s discuss:

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Super Mother Bug Breaking News! Ashley Judd Is Coming to Twin Peaks!
February 13, 2016

ashley judd bug

As if there weren’t enough reasons to be excited, Ashley Judd (seen above looking down and out in great way in William Friedkin’s brilliant adaptation of Tracy Letts’ Bug) has been cast in Showtime’s revival of Twin Peaks. No word yet on who she’ll play, but this is excellent news because Ashley Judd is wonderful and isn’t cast in nearly enough stuff for my taste.

Also, it’s as good of an excuse as any to post this bugf*ck crazy (laaazy pun intended) clip from the end of Bug, which is one of my favorite things. Ever. Spoilers, obviously, but if you haven’t already seen it, consider it also an invitation to do so:

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OH NO THEY DI’INT: Tim Tebow Played the Pronoun Game When Talking About Dating
February 4, 2016

tim tebow pronoun game

In the annals (heh) of things I have no business talking about, I’m well aware that football tops (teehee) the list. Nevertheless, a footballer is still a slab of beef by another name, so I guess today’s category is butch queen realness.

Anyways, Tim Tebow showed up on The Ellen DeGeneres Show to talk about the Super Bowl, which isn’t very exciting if it isn’t an excuse for a 12-minute Madonna concert. As if she knew she needed something for the rest of us, Ellen Degeneres asks about Tim Tebow’s dating life, and that sound you heard is the clickity clack of a thousand thirsty bromosexuals updating their Super Bowl slash fiction. That’s what a Fantasy Football is, right?

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Here’s a Glorious Video of Camille Paglia Talking About Susan Sontag
April 2, 2015

camille paglia wgbh susan sontag

Earlier this morning, it was brought to my attention that today is Camille Paglia’s birthday, WHOM I LOVE. At last, I thought, the perfect opportunity to post this WGBH interview with Camille Paglia from the early 1990s! In it, she responds to Susan Sontag’s claim that Sontag had never even heard of Camille Paglia. That is completely insane, according to Camille Paglia, because who hasn’t heard of Camille Paglia, inquired Camille Paglia. My point is: Camille Paglia…and also Susan Sontag! Two favorite intellectual tastes that taste great together!

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Martha Stewart Reads Well, Should Do Every Comedy Central Roast
March 31, 2015

Let’s face it: Martha Stewart is better than us. Martha Stewart is better than us at cooking, she’s better than us at arts and crafts, she’s  better than us at working a stripper pole (unless you’re Nomi Malone, in which case you already know you’re a goddess), and she’s better than us at throwing expert level shade. Case in point: this clip from last night’s Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber. It’s more than a mere argument for why Martha’s read qualifies her for every future Comedy Central Roast; it’s a teachable moment from Paris Is Burning, as all things should be:

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Teletubbies in Black and White, Set to Joy Division
March 28, 2015

I find this comforting, like a Bergman movie.

[via Mashable. Much love to Nathan for this.]

Let’s Watch Kristin Chenoweth Take Out Her Hair Extensions
March 24, 2015

I don’t know what’s going on here, but sure, why not? After all, isn’t The Talk basically a more drunk The View? Or a less drunk Fourth Hour of Today Show? Regardless, here’s the Kristin Chenoweth and the ladies of The Talk taking out their hair extensions because nobody updated her firmware and Chenbot’s gone rogue! If nothing else, Donnie Osmond looks super sad he couldn’t join in on the fun. Next time, Donnie Osmond.

TGIF! Now Here’s Jessica Lange’s Perfect Response to Lady Gaga Joining American Horror Story
March 20, 2015

The internet has momentarily clutched its pearls and lost its damn mind over over whatever this means, and oh dear god, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!? Well, whatever it means, it’s perfect.

The consensus seems to be that Jessica Lange shaded Lady Gaga over her joining the cast of American Horror Story: Hotel, so shots fired, queens! And sure, while that’s entirely possible, I think we should all be asking what kind of dumb question is “Does Gaga convince you [Jessica Lange] to stay for another season?” Seriously, what does that mean? Jessica Lange is Jessica F***ing Lange, and she does as she pleases, no questions asked!

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These Are Some Good Reactions to Getting Left Out of Joan Crawford’s Will
March 19, 2015

In case you’re wondering, these reactions come from the Joan Crawford episode of The Will, a TV docudrama about scandalous will disagreements. That may sound ridiculous, because it is, but if contract law can get people hot and bothered, estate law surely must have its own aficionados. And while a pretty traumatic tort encounter quickly put the kibosh on my experimental 20s before I ever got into inheritance law, I do love me anything Joan Crawford, so that’s why we’re here talking about this.

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Dear Internet: More Daddy’s Boy, Please!
March 18, 2015

As someone who separately appreciates the words 1938, musical, and train wreck but can really clutch some pearls upon their combination, I am telling you I’m not going this is not nearly enough Daddy’s Boy. We want Daddy’s Boy uncut! We need the full length!

So don’t listen to Robert Osborne, and make it so, interwebs. Or at the very least, make it a Kickstarter.

Ann-Margret Is a F***ing Maniac
March 16, 2015

ann-margret hold me squeeze me red dress

My most favorite thing about Ann-Margret (other than, well, everything) is that she’s the rare star whose entire career is a triumph of naive camp. Just look at her, and look at those two dancers behind her, and tell me they’re all not screaming “YASSS, ANN-MARGRET, YASSSSS!”…with their eyes.

Sure, other actresses slip into camp from time to time like it’s a luxuriously beaded chemise, but Ann-Margret is that beaded chemise, plus an abundantly thrusty sexuality I might blame on a low blood sugar, but most Americans insist is just European. Insulin and exotic are only a few letters apart, after all.

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Definitely Not Miss Piggy
March 7, 2015

definitely not miss piggy

Definitely not.

[Image via Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt]

Inside the ACTING Studio, With James Lipton and Faye Dunaway
March 3, 2015

faye dunaway mommie dearest joan crawford shower

As far as I’m concerned, the only thing more camp than Faye Dunaway’s performance in Mommie Dearest is James Lipton and Faye Dunaway on Inside the Actors Studio discussing Faye Dunaway’s performance in Mommie Dearest, without irony:

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Sh*t Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan Says
February 28, 2015

I had almost forgotten about “Shit Girls Say” meme craze, which is fine, because it’s not 2012, and I try to rely upon more than trite gendered observations and casual misogyny for humor. I rely upon innumerable Showgirls references instead, because I dine on sophistication. (And Doggie Chow.)

Speaking of sophistication, here’s an 8-minute montage of Alexis Carrington quotes, because even the most exhausted meme is revitalized by Joan Collins, Dynasty clips, and a glamorous yet sensible appreciation of shoulder pads.

OMGina!!! Here’s Gina Gershon Singing “I’m So Excited” on Glee
February 25, 2015

gina gershon glee i'm so excited

I’d bother offering some context for this clip from last week’s Glee, but then I’d have to admit I’ve been watching the never-ending bath salt nightmare of a South Florida theater kid, so shhhhh. All that matters is that Gina Gershon showed up to play Blaine’s mother, and–more importantly–she was joined by Jennifer Coolidge (!!!), Gloria Estefan (!?!), and a Suze Orman’s Midwestern dopplegänger (…) to sing the Pointer Sisters classic “I’m So Excited” (.gif .gif .gif):

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Christina Aguilera’s Britney Spears Impression Is On-Point, Y’all
February 24, 2015

Last night, Christina Aguilera went onto The Tonight Show to promote her return to The Voice, and she and Jimmy Fallon played a game of Wheel of Musical Impressions. Her Britney Spears impression is on-point, and her Cher is pretty awesome, too. Christina Aguilera isn’t just the diva camp deserves, but the icon it needs right now.

[via Vulture]

 

 

Wake Me When It’s Over: An Irresponsible Oscar Postscript
February 23, 2015

joan crawford oscars 1946

I’m not sure there’s anything to be said about last night’s Oscars that can’t be said by this picture of Joan Crawford asleep with her Oscar, which is to say: Zzzz.

It wasn’t that the Oscars were terrible. Patricia Arquette won, and she spoke about how to make the world a more just place. Julianne Moore won, and the world became a more just place. Neil Patrick Harris dutifully tried to keep some awfully regrettable material afloat. At least it wasn’t James Franco, part don’t. Lady Gaga’s Sound of Music melody was really great, even if it wasn’t performed in a bratwurst dirndl. And then there was John Travolta, who was killing it last nightpossibly literally. Seriously, if John Travolta asks you to help him move some furniture into a van, just tell him you’ve got a hunky masseuse appointment to attend and run, girl, run! He’ll totally understand.

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