We’re All Sad Affleck This Weekend
March 26, 2016

sad affleck

If you, like me, have already seen Bats v. Supes: Dawn of Just Put Me Out of My Misery Already, you’re probably feeling an awful lot like Ben Affleck seems in this GIF. He does not look like he wants to be here, literally or metaphorically, and seeing as Batman v. Superman has already grossed $200 million dollars worldwide, I’m not sure we want to either.

Anyways, while I try and put words to put words to my despondent rage stroke, here’s a really great video of Ben Affleck at the BvS: It Gets Worst press tour:

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Here’s A Celine Dion Bacon Parody To Make Your Saturday Delicious
March 19, 2016

When I think Saturdays, I think breakfast meats, so this bacon-themed parody of Celine Dion’s “The Power of Love” by the Toronto, Canada comedy troupe Touch My Stereotype is pretty great because:

  1. It’s about bacon.
  2. The Celine Dion impression is pretty spot on.
  3. The overabundance of soft-focus is totally on-point for 90s adult contemporary power ballad music videos, and…
  4. The thought writhing around in that much raw bacon makes me instinctively want to degrease myself, so this parody gets an A+ for commitment.

That said, I’m a little lost at the thought of cooking bacon in butter. Is that a thing people do? Is it a Canadian thing? Like, I’ve eaten some artery-hardening hot garbage in my day, but girl, you in danger (of high cholesterol).

But that said, I’m definitely not lost at the drinking bacon grease thing. I’m not saying I’ve eaten bacon grease from a pan, but I’m not not saying it, either.

Taylor Swift Is Younger, Hungrier, and Coming Down the Stairs After You
March 15, 2016

taylor swift is nomi malone showgirls

As someone who has built a blog out of desperate, threadbare references to Showgirls, I’m always thrilled when I come across someone else making a tenuous connection to Nomi Malone and Co. They’re doing Goddess work, really.

So imagine my slackjawed joy when I found this video of Taylor Swift giving Nomi Malone chills in spades. It’s short, sweet, and depending upon your office’s policy on very blurry yet technically bare breasts, arguably NSFW, so kindly remind your boss this is where High Art meets Explosive Journalism, and please watch this Very Important Video after the jump:

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You Can’t Just Ask People Why They’re Ebola
March 10, 2016

Look, far be it for me, the person who’s recent blog exploits have included making GIFs of a Broad City Yas Queen/Queen Amidala mashup and Hannibal Lecter wearing Rooney Mara’s blunt bangs, to judge what anybody does on the internet, particularly anybody who’s nom de YouTube is Versais Demauve. I mean, really, were there ever some strange kindred spirit out there, filling the internet with bullsh*t nonsense and Showgirls references, this might be that person, so instead of asking “WHYYY?!?“, I won’t. After all, this is the Internet, where you shouldn’t ask people “WHYYY?!?“, and you can’t ask them why they’re Ebola.

Geez, Karen.

Today’s Best Costume: “Little Edie Dances for Barbara Walters”
February 24, 2016

little edie grey gardens best costume for the day

Last night, I had the distinct pleasure of getting to introduce several of my officemates to the seminal 1975 documentary (and personal favorite) Grey Gardens, so naturally I had to have a Grey Gardens themed post today. It’s the best blog costume for the day, really.

Anyways, I’d hoped to find some footage of Little Edie’s cabaret act, but that sadly doesn’t seem to exist, so instead I found this video that purports to be Little Edie dancing for Barbara Walters. It’s not quite what it sounds like, but what it is totally insane and otherwise best left unspoilt.

The language is unexpectedly salty, so grab a basket of chips and vinegar and throw on your headphones, because even thought it’s a little NSFW, this hump-day treat is positively delicious:

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TGIF! Now Here’s the Robot Apocalypse Doing Your Lipstick
February 19, 2016

lipstick robot

This blog is more than just a pretty face and and unending parade of Showgirls references and camp appreciation. It’s also a corner of the Internet where we stand vigilant against the impending Robot Apocalypse. You can hoard guns and buy gold all you want, but neither sophisticated weaponry nor the shiny appeal of precious metals shall soften the robots’ vice-like grip of enslavement.

You may think this is a joke, but it’s no laughing matter, and if you don’t believe me, here’s chilling footage from Simone Giertz of our future robot overlords’ latest target, glamour:

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Happy Presidents’ Day to Your Boyfriend, The President
February 15, 2016

Yesterday, your boyfriend was Oscar Isaac, but today’s Presidents’ Day, and this video deserves a second term on this blog, so I guess your boyfriend is the President now.

You’re such a slut, Internet.

 

Apropos of Mardi Gras, Here’s How to Make a Mardi Gras Balloon Hat
February 9, 2016

The thing she likes about hats is that’s where you get to be creative, and the think I like about this video is that it’s at once informative and entirely improvisatory. Take, for example, the fact there’s a glossary of specific balloon crafts terminology; and also, that this hat is called the Mardi Gras Hat is because one time somebody at her restaurant asked her for a Mardi Gras hat, so there you go.

Pearl away, y’all, and Happy Mardi Gras!

 

Never Forget Groundhog Day 2014
February 2, 2016

It’s Groundhog Day today, which means a groundhog may or may not see its shadow, we may or may not have six more weeks of winter, and whatever the weather, we’ll definitely continue to avoid facing the realities of climate change. So in lieu of a conversation about carbon taxes (blech, so boring!), let’s never forget Groundhog Day 2014, a Groundhog Day that will live in infamy. (more…)

Sharks Vs. Jets
February 7, 2015

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When you’re a meme, you’re a meme all the way…

[via tumblr. Much love to Josh for this one.]

Greta Gerwig Dancing to Arcade Fire’s “Afterlife” Is a Delight!!!
November 8, 2013

greta gerwig youtube music awards

Call me Lermontov, but Greta Gerwig is so charming that I want her to never stop dancing, ever. She could be like the indie darling Victoria Page, except without that tragic mess with the train. But I digress…

The YouTube Music Awards aired this past Sunday, and I missed them. Mostly because I tend to spend my Sundays in the company of lesbians, but also because I’m an Old who does not like change. Besides, the Crotchety Old Queen Prevention Hotline (1-888-NO-BITCH) stopped taking my calls, so I can’t afford yet another award show leaving me bewildered by the popular zeitgeist. Nope and no thank you! Now fetch me my vegan and gluten-free prune juice!

Anyways, I nevertheless tracked down Arcade Fire’s performance, because when I’m not being an old lesbian, I’m being an old lesbian hipster. Greta Gerwig dances, Spike Jonze directs, and while it might sound like an all-you-can-twee buffet, it’s really quite delightful:

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Nicolas Cage as Miley Cyrus in “Wrecking Ball” Because Why Not?
November 6, 2013

One might imagine that Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball” and Nicolas Cage should go together like ice cream sundaes and sausage gravy, yet somehow this works…if your work is in sex nightmares.

And yes, I know I’m the last person on the interwebs to hop on this whole Miley Cyrus thing, but like a twerk monster to the flame of heavy machinery, I just couldn’t resist with this mess of a video. After all, much like a modern-day Oscar Wilde, I have the simplest tastes.

I am always satisfied with the worst.

Good Evening, America: Here’s Chloe’s “The 12 Days of Christmas”
December 13, 2012

drew droege chloe sevigny twelve days of christmas

With Christmas a mere twelve days away, now’s the right and proper time to check in and see what Drew Droege’s utterly brilliant, barbe-quoi-lovin’ faux Chloë Sevigny (Flauxë Sevigny?), is getting for the twelve days of Christmas, so let’s go see what Chloe’s true love got her, shall we?

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Well, This Is a Thing: “The Stanley Steemer Variations” By Mia
December 11, 2012

Look, I’m as confused as you probably are about what this is. I mean, it’s definitely weird, but also strangely compelling and kinda, possibly fabulous? I don’t really know, you guys, but I do know “The Stanley Steemer Variations” is definitely a thing we’ve experienced together. Like a group hug with theater face. Or a shared trauma with lots of costume changes. Again, I’m not sure. Regardless, this thing–whatever it is–has happened, and it might be happening again for some us right now, but who’s to judge? We can quit whenever we want. Stanley f*cking Steemer, indeed.

Much love to Videogum for this one.

Yoko Ono Covers Katy Perry’s “Firework”, Totally Kills It
December 11, 2012

Oh man. Purrfection, y’all. A++ and all the gold stars, too. “Plastic Bag” is out. “AaaaAAAaaaAAGH” is in. Never change, Yoko Ono. Never Change.

Much love to Dlisted and Videogum for this one.

This Liz & Dick GIF Is Everything
November 28, 2012

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then this GIF is worth a thousand, flawless white diamonds. Or, better still, a thousand bottles of the flawlessly scented White Diamonds! ELIZABLOHAN, HOW MANY GIFS DID YOU TAKE?!? (*SPOILER ALERT!*: Just this one.) This GIF is my  absolute everything, y’all. LIZ & DICK “I’m so bored!” GIF back and forth 4EVA!!!

Much love to The TV Screen by way of Videogum for this one.

Betty Draper Also Loves Ice Cream
April 2, 2012

F***ck, and I do so love the way Betty Draper loves her ice cream. Bugles are out! Ice cream sundaes are in! Betty, stop bogarting the sundaes!

Much love to leo & television for this one.

Betty Draper Loves Eating Bugles
April 2, 2012

Goodbye, other Mad Men GIFs. Yes, you’re all amazing in your own special ways, but only one GIF can be my spirit animal, and Betty Draper nom nom nomming on Bugles ’til the end of the interwebs is that GIF.

Much love to Max Silvestri’s tumblr (by way of his Twitter) for this one.

An Excellent New York Times Correction About My Little Pony
January 5, 2012

Well, everything about this is the best. Obviously.

For starters, this correction is positively adorable. If it hasn’t already, somebody should option this, because I’d pay to see the unabashedly twee indie rom com inspired by this correction, even though the high concept pitch reads like a waking nightmare (“It’s A Beautiful Mind meets Garden State meets an 80s cartoon acid flashback!”). Michel Gondry can direct a script by Diablo Cody, and it’ll star Ellen Page, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and this guy (link NSFW) as the pony. It would be insaaane.

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BREAKING NEWS! Peggy Riding Around on a Motorcycle is Your New Favorite Mad Men GIF!
August 23, 2010

I know I should be catching up on irresponsible Mad Men recaps as previously promised, and we’ll definitely get there (sometime before the fifth season, guaranteed!) at some point,  but sometimes blog promises of catching up are meant to be blog broken, and this GIF of Peggy Olsen riding around on a red motorocycle is one of them.  From last night’s Mad Men episode, “The Chrysanthemum and the Sword,” comes the new Mad Men GIF hotness, Peggy riding about on a Honda motorcycle:

So see?  I told you it was your new favorite.

And as for GIF of Pete Campbell dancing?  You know I love you, baby, and you’ll always be my first, but I think it’s time we started seeing other people.

Much love to Videogum’s werttrew for this one.

UPDATE (8.25.10):  As werttrew noted in the comments, the original source of this most beloved GIF is from the fine folks over at ONTD.

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