Archive for the ‘Nightmares’ Category

Here’s a GIF of Idina Menzel and John Travolta at the 2015 Oscars
February 23, 2015

idina menzel john travolta 2015 oscars

While the rest of last night’s Oscars might be described as safe, here is a GIF of the one moment that felt anything but: Idina Menzel and John Travolta, together onstage to revisit 2014’s “Adele Dazeem” gaffe. Idina, you in danger, girl!

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We’re Back! Now Here’s a Trailer for Trash Humpers!
September 14, 2009

Well, after a serious bout of the lazies (being witty can be so damn exhausting, y’all), it’s about time we got back to business discussing all of the most important things going on in the world.  Things like this trailer for the new Harmony Korine “movie,” Trash Humpers:  

Ermmm…I’ll admit that the extent of my knowledge of Harmony Korine’s film career is limited to that one time I organized the DVDs at my old summer job and I put Gummo under “G,” but I still feel as though a) this trailer doesn’t make a damn lick of sense, and b) it’s going to haunt my dreams for weeks and weeks to come.  My instinct tells me that Trash Humpers must be an indie/art-house  exercise in self-indulgent nightmare making, and this trailer is unquestionably all-caps ECCENTRIC, yet this somehow only manages to further intrigue me.  

I’ve a well documented adoration for movies that are batshit crazy, and I’m nothing if not a cinematic masochist, so the part of me that enjoys never sleeping again is really interested in seeing this movie.  On the other hand, though, there’s this image for the film from Harmony Korine’s website, which confirms my suspicions:

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Reflections on the Robocalypse
August 12, 2009

So, I’m sitting here in a Marietta Starbucks, missing New York and hopped up on way too much caffeine–provided by mine and Benji’s favorite barista, Shmason–and passing the time by cackling not-so-quietly to Benji’s latest witticisms.  His last post, with its mention of the possibility that YouTube’s intuitive recommendations may be a sign of the coming Robot Apocalypse, got me thinking.  Personally, I’ve always found the evolution of artificial intelligence fascinating and frightening.  I have also long believed that the tech geeks at Google (which is truly becoming the repository of all knowledge…) are one wrong algorithm away from creating Skynet, or worse, Brainiac.

Google Brainiac

While I have previously asserted that I look forward to the Zombie Apocalypse with considerable enthusiasm, I do not have similar enthusiasm for the robotic equivalent.  And news stories like this, and this, do not reassure me in the least.  My reasons for my Robocalyptic Trepidation are myriad, but for the purposes of this post, I will restrict them to the top three:

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Sandra Bullock, Now the Star of Your Worst Nightmares
August 10, 2009

Can we talk about All About Steve, y’all?  Seriously:

It got pushed back from March to the cinematic dumping grounds of September, which is never a good sign.  Sandra Bullock’s hair looks truly dreadful, as does Bradley Cooper’s hair.  Also, Thomas Haden Church looks to be rockin’ one ferosh fake tan, and I don’t mean that as a compliment.  All About Steve looks like a hackneyed comedy with a dialed-up-to-obnoxious level of quirk and haircuts that look like they styled with a weed whacker, but I’ll go there: It looks entirely passable as a rental from Netflix.  

I find Sandra Bullock to be incredibly appealing actress.  She certainly needs to make better career choices, but I imagine the roles available to women that are over 40 and aren’t Meryl Streep make for some pretty slim pickings.  Hollywood tends to be sexist like that, so I’m not about to fault her for just trying to keep busy.

However, I will gladly fault her for the poster for All About Steve.  Because it’s going to haunt my dreams for weeks to come:

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When Nightmares and Single Ladies Collide
July 20, 2009

It’s been well documented that clowns are universally despised and hated by anybody with the common sense to recognize that behind all those painted faces and put-on grins lies the root of all evil.

The “Single Ladies” dance is the absolute antithesis of clowns.  For starters, everyone loves that song.  Really, EVERYONE:

old people love single ladies

See?  Told you so!  Photoshopped pictures don’t lie, and that’s a fact!

Added to that, if you have even the vaguest inkling of rhythm and a dial-up internet access, it’s very likely that you too probably learned at least some of the dance as it exploded all over the pop-culture zeitgeist like nuclear bomb of insanely infectious fabulousness.

So what do you get when you cross the the undeniable creepiness that is a scary clown mask with 2008’s internet meme sensation?  You apparently get the following video, which is as utterly nightmarish as it is strangely compelling:

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Patrick Wolf’s Video for “Vulture” is Simultaneously Awesome and Frightening
March 22, 2009

It’s also certainly not safe for work, and it’s absolutely not safe for moms (particularly mine).  There’s no graphic sex or full frontal nudity, but there is a bit of Patrick Wolf’s butt.  There’s also S&M and bondage at play.  So much S&M and bondage.  Seriously, this is about as work/mom appropriate as this video gets:

vulture1

That’s still pretty sinister, and that’s only the tip of the iceberg.  There’s Patrick Wolf dressed as a scary vulture, and lots of Patrick Wolf thrashing about in S&M gear.  Since I’m always so giving, I’m going to share it with you.  As I see it, if I had to experience the three minutes and 23 seconds of nightmare fodder, it’s only fair that you do too.  You’ve been warned, now go watch this freak show:

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You Don’t Have to Thank Me, But I Found You Your New Favorite Movie
February 10, 2009

It’s called The Loved One, and it’s based on the book of the same name by Evelyn Waugh.  She wrote Brideshead Revisited, so we know the classy factor already is up at an 8.  Terry Southern (who c0-wrote Dr. Strangelove and Barbarella) wrote it, and Tony Richardson (who directed the 1963 adaptation of Tom Jones) brought it to the screen.  Oh, and Rod Steiger, Liberace, and Roddy McDowall all have roles in this movie.  Oh, OH!  One more thing: Robert Morse, who plays Sterling Cooper senior partner Bertram Cooper on the bestest-ever show Mad Men, has the lead.  You know what they call movies like this, right?  Prestige movies.  ‘Cos there’s so much class in this movie going on right now.  The classiest classy class, all the time.  Behold!

FEBRUARY 10TH FOOLS DAY!!!  We’ve found something more freakish than Nannerpuss, and it’s taken less than a day!  Astounding!  Don’t be angry, though; Rod Steiger’s Joyboy song will haunt my dreams for some time to come, and I’m pretty sure that I’ll dream tonight of being eaten by lobsters and that obese woman.  Awful.

 In full disclosure, though, I have to admit that I’m completely intrigued by this movie and am seriously pondering buying it based on that one scene alone.  The creepy factor of the misadjusted family completely predates Toby Hooper’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and then there’s the creepy Gothic Americana vibe pulsing through it that has me thinking of some sort of bizarro hybrid between Suddenly, Last Summer and Psycho (the oedipal issues alone could warrant a paper).  Then there’s that healthy dose of campy bad taste that, given the Evelyn Waugh origins, is probably some twisted, blackly comic hyper-satire.  Finding this is like finding the Tutankhamun tomb of long-lost cult classics.

And like I said: there’s no need to thank me.  ‘Cos now you know about The Loved One, and we all know that the real treasure is knowledge.

Duh.

Thanks to Dana for the tip.

It’s About Lunchtime; Here’s Something Haunt Your Nightmares
February 9, 2009

Ruh-roh.  Looks like somebody laced the Denny’s ad team’s cocaine with some LSD! 

I for one know that I’m totally off pancakes for the next month.  And probably off Denny’s for infinity.  That is no nannerpuss; that thing is a swamp monster.  A swamp monster with a frustratingly catchy jingle that indubitably plays on loop in Hell.  

Oh, by the way: you’re welcome.

Thanks, Gawker.

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