Happy National Puppy Day from Joan Crawford, Her Shih Tzu, and a Dog’s Reaction to Elizabeth Taylor
March 23, 2016

joan crawford 1976 shih tzu princess lotus blossom

While perhaps technically not puppy talk, I think National Puppy Day is as good a time as any to draw everyone’s attention to this 1976 photograph of Joan Crawford taken by John Engstead. Besides, it’s Joan Crawford’s birthday, too, so it’s definitely apropos.

This is among the last publicized photos of Joan, and more importantly, it’s with her shih tzu, Princess Lotus Blossom, which is a perfect name for any dog, but particularly a shih tzu, and most particularly a shih tzu owned by Joan Crawford.

Yes, Princess Lotus Blossom. Let it roll off your tongue, paws pause for appreciation, and let it stay with you. Princess Lotus Blossom. Positively perfect in every way.

And if you’d rather with a nonsense pet video to celebrate National Puppy Day, this little corner of the internet where camp is queen can inexplicably cover that, too, because here’s a video of a dog reacting to a great Elizabeth Taylor moment:

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Happy 70th Birthday With a “B”, Liza With a “Z”!
March 12, 2016

liza minnelli 70th birthday cake rent a cop

You’re a consummate entertainer, an unwavering source of joy on this blog, and a true Hollywood legend. It’s only fitting your celebration be bigger than your hair in Rent-a-Cop (the biggest), and better than wearing teal leather gloves (the best) or bossing around Burt Reynolds (also the best). Happy 70th birthday, Liza!!!

[Original Rent-a-Cop still via Kino.de]

Bonne Anniversaire, Blog; or, Welcome to the Seven Year Itch
February 3, 2016

 

blog birthday cake seven year itch

Maybe it’s just me, but birthdays are a bit of a weird thing, and blog birthdays weirder still. I’m a sucker for the sentiment, but often at a loss for what to do with them. In years past, I’ve tried to be pithy about it, but these days pithy feels frivolous and deflective, so please pardon me while I interrupt our irregularly scheduled programming for a little sentimental reflection. Think of this as a fresh start, a (re)introduction.

Hello, this is Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner, and I’m a blogoholic.

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Happy Easter, From a Good Egg
April 5, 2015

bette davis easter egg

And a happy birthday to Bette Davis! We love you!

[original image via Pinterest]

Here’s a Glorious Video of Camille Paglia Talking About Susan Sontag
April 2, 2015

camille paglia wgbh susan sontag

Earlier this morning, it was brought to my attention that today is Camille Paglia’s birthday, WHOM I LOVE. At last, I thought, the perfect opportunity to post this WGBH interview with Camille Paglia from the early 1990s! In it, she responds to Susan Sontag’s claim that Sontag had never even heard of Camille Paglia. That is completely insane, according to Camille Paglia, because who hasn’t heard of Camille Paglia, inquired Camille Paglia. My point is: Camille Paglia…and also Susan Sontag! Two favorite intellectual tastes that taste great together!

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TGIF! Now Treat Yo Self With This Sunset Boulevard Spa GIF!
March 27, 2015

gloria swanson sunset boulevard spa

It’s Gloria Swanson’s birthday today, and after a week that definitely wasn’t ready for its close-up, Mr. DeMille, we could all use a little Golden Age of Hollywood glamour to put some pep in our step, so let’s put the “GIF” in TGIF with this soothing GIF of Gloria Swanson getting a spa-day massage and facial in Sunset Boulevard. It’s Friday, after all, so let’s all be sure to make like Ms. Swanson treat yo self(.gif)!

[GIF via Jenni Epperson]

Happy Birthday, Joan Crawford!
March 23, 2015

joac crawford mildred pierce birthday cake

[original image via Girls Do Film]

In Honor of Her 69th Birthday: Liza Minnelli Is Cooler Than You
March 12, 2015

liza minnelli oscars birthday cake

Since today is Liza Minnelli’s birthday, what better way to celebrate the Hollywood royalty, living legend, national treasure, and personal blogdrag inspiration that is La Liza than for Justin Sayre of the Meeting of the International Order of the Sodomites to remind you that Liza Minnelli is cooler than you: (more…)

Cheers, Queers! It’s Been Six Years!
February 3, 2015

showgirls1

Can you believe it’s been six years since I started this blog? Where does the time go? What do the next six years have in store? And does this mean my blog’s getting to old for that whorey look? Well, this blog ain’t called “Questions”, but since I rhetorically asked, answers are after the jump:

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Happy Birthday, Madonna!
August 16, 2014

madonna girlie show like a virign.tiff

As Susan Sontag observed, “Camp is the outrageous aestheticism of Sternberg’s six American movies with Dietrich.” It’s also Madonna putting on her finest Marlene Dietrich drag and camping the hell out of a medley of “Like a Virgin” and “Falling in Love Again (Can’t Help It).” So what better way for this corner of the internet to celebra-ate the Queen of Pop’s birthday than with hydrangeas this vintage performance from The Girlie Show?

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Happy Birthday, Shelley Duvall!
July 7, 2014

…IF THAT IS HER REAL NAME.

[via Café Muscato]

It’s Madonna’s Birthday Today!
August 16, 2013

Obviously this is a very important thing we should all (holida-ay!) celebrate, but whatever you do, girl, do not get her hydrangeas. You know how she feels about hydrangeas…

Happy birthday, Madge!

In Honor of Courtney Stodden’s Birthday: Courtney Stodden Tweets Read by a Drag Queen!
August 29, 2012

Seeing as it’s Courtney Stodden’s “18th” birthday today, you’d probably think the day simply can’t get any better. She’s no longer a child bride AND she’ll continue to serve 16-going-on-37 glamazon realness. See? Dreams really do come true, y’all! (Your dreams are made of the hungry scent of internet celebrity and a bathtub of fake tanner, I guess.)

Anyways, in honor of this special occasion, here are two videos of a beatnik drag queen by the name of Janvier doing interpretive readings of Ms. Stodden’s sensual tweets, which really highlight her sensual grasp of the English language:

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Come for the Worcestershire, Stay for the Cake: It’s Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Third Birthday!
February 3, 2012

It’s been three whole years since I first broke blog ground (with a post about Worcestershire sauce, no less), so it seems only necessary to mark this most special occasion with a video about both the history and making of Worcestershire sauce. It’s as fascinating as much as it now makes perfect sense why I love the stuff. Old things and onions and garlic and tamarind and a secret blend of spices? How very all-my-favorite-flavors-I-love-meets-the-Colonel’s-Kentucky-Fried-Chicken. PUT IT IN MY MOUTH, PLEASE!

And look, if Worcestershire sauce isn’t your thing (though why wouldn’t it be?), there’s also cake! A very special GIF cake I made to mark the day, no less:

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Happy Birthday, Elizabeth Berkley!
July 28, 2011

I made you a birthday cake! Again! Hope it doesn’t suck!

Happy Birthday to Our First Lady of New York and Camp Icon for the Foodie Crowd, Sandra Lee!
July 3, 2011

You know, when the news broke two Fridays ago that New York voted to legalize same-sex marriage, my initial reaction was jubilation, my second was that we’d finally done it, third that Governor Andrew Cuomo is a hero, and my fourth was to f*ck all that noise ‘cos I’m putting this one entirely on First Ladyfriend of New York, Sandra Lee!

Really, I’m sure there’s an argument to be made about changing cultural climates and increased societal acceptance and blah blah blah, but I’d much prefer to believe that us gays would’ve never gotten to where we are today without tablescapes and Cocktail Times. So here’s to Sandra Lee! Keep on winning over our hearts with your crazy, giving such exquisite face, and being the kind of fabulous First Lady this fine state of New York deserves! And because such a day deserves a celebratory drink, let’s all join Sandra for a Lush Lagoon:

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A Very Happy 65th Birthday with a “B” to Our Beloved Liza with a “Z”!
March 12, 2011

It’s safe to say that over at this corner of the internet, my love for Liza Minnelli’s been rather well documented. For examples: Here and here. And also here. OH, and definitely here.

Anywho, given how Liza love abounds around here, you’d think I’d probably just throw up a picture of Liza in all her sequined glory, post a clip of her killing it on stage at the Palace (or anywhere else, when you think about it, because that’s what Liza Minelli does, y’all: She KILLS IT), she-screech a little about how much I think she’s one of our greatest living legends and national treasures, and then just call it a day. I mean, I could, and after all, it sorta wouldn’t be the first time. MAIS NON!

Liza turns 65 this year, and that’s a damn special year as far as I’m concerned! I’ll be happy if I can get about at all without the assistance of a Rascal Scooter when I’m 65, so strutting about the way Liza still does would be asking for a lot. As such, this year we’re doing things a bit different, y’all.

Above? We have a fabulous caricature by one of my favorite artists, Al Hirschfeld, from the galleries over at Flixster. And below? A stunning discovery I just made in the name of Liza Minnelli birthday post research. So ladies and gentlemen, it’s with greatest pleasure to present the hot piece of early-90s razzle-dazzle that is Liza Minnelli performing “Losing My Mind” on The Arsenio Hall Show:

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Since It’s Madonna’s Birthday, Here’s an Ice Cream GIF Cake and a Fabubonkers Performance
August 16, 2010

Would it be too much of a gay cliché to take a momentary respite from our previously scheduled blog catch up and wish Madonna, Queen of Pop and Grand Madame of Contemporary Gay Icons, a happy birthday?  HA, of course it would, which is precisely why it must be done!  Besides, we can all agree nothing effectively pays tribute to the woman who has helped shape the pop music landscape for nearly 30 years quite like a homemade ice cream GIF cake, and homemade ice cream GIF cakes just so happen to be one of my specialties:

Delicious.

And just in case you’re you don’t know from where the above Madonna image came, allow me to introduce you to Madonna’s Confessions Tour opener, “Future Lovers/I Feel Love,” which is certifiably fabubonkers:

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Happy Birthday, Elizabeth Berkley!
July 28, 2010

I hope it doesn’t suck!  Oh, who am I kidding?  It’ll be better than a 10-inch dick, and you know it!

Good Evening, America. It Has Recently Come to My Attention That I Love Chloë Sevigny
June 22, 2010

chloe sevigny by drew groege

Well, imitation Chloë Sevigny by writer/performer Drew Droege and director Jim Hansen:

I mean, can you blame me?  Not all of us can are lucky enough to get gifted a high-heeled purse by Little Tic Tac.  Even on our birthdee.  I clearly run in the wrong social circles (the ones that don’t include Tweet).  But no matter.  Let’s talk of carefree things, like our summer plans:

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