ALERT THEAMPHIBIOUS SQUADRON QUEENS! At last, an iteration of this wildly exhausted “Shit Somebody or Another Says” meme for the rest of us, aka, those who can appreciate a rather uncanny Liza Minnelli impersonation, aka, not this one! Why, it’s so good it gave me the dizzies! Now who wants some Moo Shu?
I recognize that a viral video of one reporter’s particularly remarkable response to going down a slide in the basement of the Taipei Grand Hotel doesn’t exactly scream “a little corner of the internet where camp is queen,” but it does literally scream. I mean, what exactly do I do with this video? Throw a wig and a thick appliqué of makeup on it? I don’t think so. Alas, not everything can be Showgirls references and Joan Crawford drag queens, though I certainly wouldn’t be one to complain were that otherwise.
Instead, I’d simply like to present this video as a small, perfect moment of interweb joy, one so pure that I really wouldn’t mind if it continued on in an infinite loop of this woman’s screams. Seriously. WAAHwooWEEeeAHWAHWAH’ing back and forth. Forever.
Whatever the situation behind this is, it only reaffirms that Tina Fey is the best. Taking a moment to pose with the rest of us? (Aka, those not responsible for writing Mean Girls and 30 Rock.) Clearly, the best.
(And seriously, I’ve been reading Bossypants, and she really is the absolute best. I’m welcome to a debate in the comments. But I might shut you down. Moving on.)
Still, I’ve questions. Well, one question, which is: Is that Moonvest?
Well, everything about this is the best. Obviously.
For starters, this correction is positively adorable. If it hasn’t already, somebody should option this, because I’d pay to see the unabashedly twee indie rom com inspired by this correction, even though the high concept pitch reads like a waking nightmare (“It’s A Beautiful Mind meets Garden State meets an 80s cartoon acid flashback!”). Michel Gondry can direct a script by Diablo Cody, and it’ll star Ellen Page, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and this guy (link NSFW) as the pony. It would be insaaane.
It was one of those days when it’s a minute away from snowing and there’s this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. Right? And this bag was just dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For a hot second fifteen minutes. That’s the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video’s a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember… I need to remember… Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can’t take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
It’s straight up magical, naturally. B.’s excited (maybe?). This girl’s excited (definitely). Are you excited? You should be excited. Get excited, y’all:
Is it way Mark Block uses his words (robot awkward), the “Was it as good for you?” drag he takes from his cigarette, the au-currant-power-pop-meets-jingoism theme song, or the Herman Cain nightmare smile that only a mother an America hungry for action could love? I don’t know, y’all, but whatever it is, this Herman Cain ad is some kind of (batshit) wonderful.
And you know, if politics really is theater, then this is on par with a production of Cats as directed by Corky St. Clair.
You might think Black Tank Top’s having all the fun (check out her cool dance moves! Arms! Head bops! ARMS! COOL MOVES, GIRLFRIEND!!!), but you’d be wrong! It’s actually Red Polo that’s winning this outdoor rave. Seriously. He’s killing it like a zombie. Here, just take a look, and you’ll see what I’m talking about:
Mere nights ago, international lady of leisure, should’ve-been-Swan-Queen, and perennial tabloid critter Lindsay Lohan stepped out to an event to bring the paparazzi the sort refined elegance only a hobo corpse playing dress-up in a Forever 21 dumpster could offer. Just kidding! As usual, she looked gorgeous, so before you start trying to cast shade upon such pristinely polished beauty, let me remind you what her rep (Dina Lohan with the voice changer from the Scream movies, most likely) had to say to People:
Lindsay is widely acknowledged as one of the most stunning actresses of her day, and we get requests every week wanting to do photo shoots with her from top photographers.
She’s been on the cover of Vanity Fair and the top beauty and fashion magazines. She’s a beautiful and glamorous actress.
With everything going on – from deteriorating public education to rampant homelessness to international unrest – there is no way I’m going to comment on Lindsay’s teeth.
Don’t you get it, internet? She’s an actress! Never mind that her hands look like those of a street walker practicing her craft with sand paper and Sharpie markers; SHE’S READY FOR HER CLOSE-UP, MR. DEMILLE:
On one hand, I can already taste the janky pizza (Little Caesars, for when even Domino’s is just too high brow) and half-flat soda that were so commonplace to the birthday parties spent at the local roller rink, Sparkles. Oh, how they scattered my youth like shards of light refracted from a mirrorball upon the hardwood floor. Nostalgia: ’tis a carousel OR a roller rink, y’all. Both go in circles! DISCUSS, DON DRAPERS.
But, on the other hand, we will probably never be able to skate that hip (so hip!), so on second thought:
After the jump, we have a video of a the long lost third member of The Good Girls, who’s apparently preemptively traded in the glamorous life of global superstardom for an even more glamorous life as a British bag lady. NO! It’s woman throwing a sh*tfit at a KFC in Brighton. The crime? They won’t give her any more butter! Sacré beurre! (See what I did there?) Anyways, the language is salty, so if you happen to be at work, you probably shouldn’t be on this site pinkies out and headphones up, y’all:
Don’t get me wrong, y’all. The above video of one kid’s legitimately adorable reaction to the climactic reveal in The Empire Strikes Back is worthy of its viral status. I mean, it’s basically a ticking ovary time bomb of cold-fusion cuteness. But wouldn’t the parents rather experience such a moment without the filter of a Flip Cam, or do parents just record and upload anything to YouTube these days? I don’t know. I didn’t write the chapter on making your child a momentary internet super star, which is good, because it’d look like this:
Sparkle!
More Dolls!
SPARKLE!
Patty Duke would be proud, but Children’s Services? Not so much, but I digress.
By now, I’m sure we’ve all heard the sad news of Steve Jobs’s untimely passing after a long, brave battle with pancreatic cancer. This not being a tech blog, perhaps it doesn’t quite fall under the banner of things covered by a little corner of the internet where camp is queen. That said, it would feel even more inappropriate to not offer a moment of gratitude to Mr. Jobs for all that he’s done throughout the years.
So thank you, Mr. Jobs, for the iMac and the MacBook and the iPod and the iPhone that have changed how we interface with technology and experience and enjoy music and film. They help make this blog possible.
Here is a video of some nuns doing Karate and Aikido, which is obviously a great way to start the week (no duh!), but seeing as it’s a video of nuns doing Karate and Aikido, it raises all sorts of questions. For example: Is this real? Also: If this isn’t real, can we please pretend it’s real? Furthermore: Wait, did that nun just put that dude in a choke hold with her Rosary and then punch him in the balls?!? And most importantly: Is this better than when Joan Crawford did her Judo chops? Haha, that last one’s a trick question! IT’S NOT.
