Saturday Soap Opera Slap Supercut
March 5, 2016

Here’s a montage of someone’s “favorite soap opera slaps”, which is nearly nine blissful minutes of ACTING, SLAPPING, and REACTING (to being slapped). What else were you going to do with your Saturday, laundry?

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Sh*t Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan Says
February 28, 2015

I had almost forgotten about “Shit Girls Say” meme craze, which is fine, because it’s not 2012, and I try to rely upon more than trite gendered observations and casual misogyny for humor. I rely upon innumerable Showgirls references instead, because I dine on sophistication. (And Doggie Chow.)

Speaking of sophistication, here’s an 8-minute montage of Alexis Carrington quotes, because even the most exhausted meme is revitalized by Joan Collins, Dynasty clips, and a glamorous yet sensible appreciation of shoulder pads.

Today in Poor Life Choices: Mischa Barton Regrets Starring in The O.C.
August 7, 2014

mischa-barton-vapestickIf the above picture is any indication, Mischa Barton recently took a break from perfecting her boho American Horror Story: Coven cosplay and sat down for an interview with Metro to talk about being new FACE of Vapestick. Since that story is probably just as exciting as it doesn’t sound like at all, Metro went with Mischa taking a kitten swipe at her past success instead:

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In Honor of Revenge’s Most Anticipated Return to TV, Here’s “Sh*t Hamptons Matriarchs Say”
April 4, 2012

When a stripper bludgeons a private dick to death with a tire iron, you know you’re in the presence of prime time soap opera perfection, so I’d say you should be watching Revenge if you aren’t already, but really, why bother? This supercut of Victoria Grayson’s best bon mots of bitchiness and gilded nuggets of Hamptons upper-crust c*ntery speaks for itself:

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BEHOLD! Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Acting Debut in As the World Moves
March 30, 2011

Back during my sophomore year of college at the University of Georiga, a group of friends and I entered the Campus MovieFest. The theme that year was something like “Moving the World,” and seeing how we were a tasteful group of budding filmmakers, we chose to go the esoteric and inspirational route for our short: We made a fake previously-on-last-season’s teaser for a nighttime soap opera entitled As the World Turns.

We thought of everything, and I mean everything: Love triangles, wedding proposals, chronic illnesses, multiple counts of substance abuse, lies, betrayals, and shocking secrets revealed! When we failed to sweep the festival, it was clear that though we were big, the moviefests had already gotten too small. Somewhere on Sunset Boulevard, Norma Desmond shed a tear in silent commiseration.

ANYWAYS, Campus MovieFest has begun putting these submissions up on YouTube, and one of my old roommates recently stumbled upon our entry brought it to my attention, so without further ado,  As the World Moves:

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