Random Thoughts I Had While Watching Sex and the City 2
June 2, 2010

This past Memorial Day, I went to go see Sex and the City 2.  Here are some thoughts (besides “UGH!”) that crossed my mind over the course of the afternoon:

  • This is the actual display sponsored by Skyy vodka in the lobby of the theater where I went to see Sex and the City 2:

  • Let’s be clear on this: here is a vodka selling a movie that’s selling an impossibly “fabulous” nightmare fantasy lifestyle.  Perfect.  The movie hasn’t even begun, and I already wish I was blackout drunk from a shoetini bender.
  • On second thought, I’d rather conserve brain cells (I am going to see Sex and the City 2, after all) and just eat my feelings (impending sense of dread, unfathomable sorrow) instead.  Seeing as it’s Memorial Day, I’m in the mood for hot dogs.  Seriously, federally sanctioned summer holidays always put me in the mood for a hot dog.  Go figure.
  • Oh, and speaking of things that put me in the mood for hot dogs:

(more…)

Advertisements

Sex and the City 2: In 60 Seconds
May 26, 2010

So this is out today:

And by most accounts, it’s a garish mess about four “women” advocating “feminism” in the Middle East, if “feminism” means conspicuous couture consumption and keeping your love shack open for business like a 24-hour diner, of course.  In other words, Sex and the City 2 is exactly what I expected.

ANYWAYS, life is short and we can’t all buy vintage Dior with Monopoly money (which I imagine is the secret to having an ever expanding wardrobe in the midst of a recession), so let’s all save ourselves $12.50 and nearly two-and-a-half hours of our lives by watching this video of Sex and the City 2 in 60 Seconds instead, because it’s basically the same thing but funnier:

(more…)

The New Salt Poster Is All About FACE. Nightmare FACE, That Is
May 20, 2010

You know, I really have to wonder what’s going on in the marketing department for Salt, because at certain point it stopped seeming like they understood what sort of movie they’re trying to advertise, and if that point wasn’t never, it’s most certainly this new poster from over at FilmoFilia:

I mean, yipes!  I’m not sure if this poster is for an espionage thriller starring Angelina Jolie or a movie with the working title Action Wig: Cat-Eyed Meth Head and the Case of the Purloined Upper-Lip Plumper.  Either way, DO NOT WANT.

Sure, I’m not saying that this is anywhere near as bad as Plastic-Faced She Beasts of the Glittery Gay Moon of Tatooine:

(more…)

Sex and the City BOOOOO!, or: Sometimes You Just Have to Shut Up and Drink the Kool-Aid-tini
April 9, 2010

I’m really glad that I never said I’d eat Charlotte’s spaceship hat if I became excited for Sex and the City 2, because right about now I’d be trolling Paula Deen’s website in hopes of figuring out how to best deep fry that thing.  New (and appealing!) Sex and the City 2 trailer, y’all:

Maybe the stick I’ve had up my ass about this movie has finally given me toxic shock, or perhaps my emotional age is getting to be as old as Samantha’s cooch and thus causing early onset dementia, but Sex and the City 2 doesn’t look half bad.  I mean, it doesn’t look good in the way that the latter, more emotionally nuanced seasons ever were, but I’m willing to make peace with the fact that these movies will never recapture that feel, so I might as well quit my bitching and raise the pink flag to Michael Patrick King.  Seriously, given that Carrie’s plotline is like Casablanca if Casablanca dropped the whole Nazi thing and was set in Abu Dhabi and written by a drag queen, I’m already sorta giddy.  But then there’s this moment that made me go “Whaaat?“:

(more…)

The Sex and the City 2 Teaser Trailer Is Also Everything I Imagined It Would Be
December 23, 2009

First there was the poster that looks like the marketing people behind Sex and the City 2 just don’t give a damn.  It’s pretty terrible, but terrible in a way that never gets old:

See what I mean?  You can’t put a price on something so hilariously sloppy, which makes sense because this poster looks like the vengeful wrath of an unpaid intern. 

Now we have a teaser trailer, though, and it’s becoming increasingly clear that nobody gives a damn about this movie.  I mean, just look at this lazy mess:

(more…)

The Sex and the City 2 Teaser Poster Is Everything I Imagined It Would Be
December 10, 2009

I’d be lying by omission if I didn’t admit that I’ve been eagerly awaiting to board the Sex and the City 2 hate train ever since halfway through Sex and the City: The Movie when I realized that no amount of Kristin Davis’s totally amazing angry-Charlotte face would save it from being a cinematic wet fart of conspicuous consumption pornography topped with a predictable and insipid ending.  It’s what feels like eternity two-and-a-half hours of Miranda and Carrie being self-involved harpies incapable of communicating with their significant others like grown adults, Samantha acting like an even hornier drag queen than the horny drag queen she usually acts like, and all sorts of stuff coming out of Charlotte.  Like unwavering romantic optimism.  And babies.  And poop.

Seriously, for as much as I adored the series, the movie was able to inspire an inverse amount of adoration.  In other words:

Since then, I’ve had nothing but ire for the sequel, and this teaser poster is not helping:

(more…)

%d bloggers like this: