Scant Thoughts on Super Bowl 50
February 8, 2016

id4 resurgence super bowl football stadium

As the French would say, je ne suis pas sportif, but if I’ve got two things going for me, it’s a thirst for pop culture and a fear of missing out, so here are a few scant thoughts regarding FootBowl 50: Still a Thing!

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s Perfect Tweet
July 29, 2011

And with that, Gwyneth Paltrow won all the gold stars.

All my love (and gold stars) to @GwynethPaltrow by way of The Awl and Movieline.

Today’s “Quelle Surprise!” Shocker: Robyn Covering Coldplay’s “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall” Is Great
July 26, 2011

Remember that time Coldplay’s video for “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall” didn’t even go to this school belong on this blog? Well, color my occasionally questionable blog choices JUSTIFIED, y’all, ‘cos it’s like I have a fifth sense or something: Robyn recently stopped by Radio 1’s Live Lounge and performed a cover of “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall,” and it’s great! OBVIOUSLY.

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In Case You Were Wondering What Coldplay’s “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall” Is Doing Here…
June 29, 2011

You know, despite having a reasonably well documented (albeit vaguely shameful) love for Coldplay, I’m all too well aware that their new video for “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall” doesn’t exactly belong over on this corner of the interwebs. Loving Coldplay is decidedly unhip, and while loving things like Showgirls and Joan Crawford something fierce isn’t exactly the contraband Four Loko that’ll get me points with the cool crowd, Coldplay isn’t camp either. Hell, about the only tangible connection between Coldplay’s target audience (soccer moms) and myself is that we both love white wine, eating our feelings, and wondering where the best years of our lives went. Still, this blog isn’t called NOM NOM NOM CRYBABY TEARS (I’m saving that for my memoir), so like I said, Coldplay’s new video probably doesn’t belong here.

Unless, of course, I find the proper GIF that best conflates both my nearly debilitating levels of homosexuality and the fact that I’m a super (not so) secret softie, and OH WAIT, I DID:

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Sadie Says, “You Can Do Anything”
April 25, 2011

While I recognize that this video’s apparently a few years old, Monday mornings are always the best time for adorable video affirmations, so who are you to really disagree? Take it away, Sadie:

I’m sorry, but if that doesn’t hit you like a roundhouse kick of cuteness and youthful optimism straight to your baby maker, either you’re helpless or my fake ovaries (fauxvaries, if you will) are acting up (blame it on the Coldplay poster) and channeling one of my favorite scenes from Mean Girls:

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Five Lost Fan Videos That Would Make the Internet a Better Place
May 20, 2010

UGH.  I hate to make like a broken record, y’all, but for realsies:

I can already feel early onset withdrawal coming on, and boy is it bleak.  It’s so bad that I’ve had to work extra hard on my shimmies to help balance out the shakes, and I’ve had to buy myself industrial strength spoons to make sure I don’t accidentally swallow my tongue in the process.  Like I said, bleak.

Anyways, the one upside to being such a human train wreck is that it’s gotten me thinking about Lost fan videos, or–to be more specific–the lack of Lost fan videos.  Seriously, the internet is a bastion for all of us nerds with too much time on our hands to obsess over things like Lost, or which image should come next in their YouTube Miley Cyrus fan video slide show.  Sadly for me, I’m too technologically incompetent to know how to make or even upload a YouTube video.  Hell, I can barely make a gif, and I have to write up all my blog posts on a typewriter and then have have a 15-year-old transcribe them into C++ (that’s how it works, right?), because the interwebs are for the young and I am OLD.  My point is, I’ve come up with a list of Lost fan videos that I think should happen, and I think we, the internet, need to make them happen.  For example:

Song: U2’s “No Line on the Horizon”

Why: U2’s ambient rock hymn to a “girl who’s like the sea” is transformed into one fan’s ode to the mysteries of the island itself.  The lines “Time is irrelevant/It’s not linear” take on a whole new meaning that encapsulates the time-shifting experience Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse have crafted over the course of six seasons.  On the down side, though, there’s no mention of narrative meandering, inexplicably dropped plot threads, or a last-act explanation of “Your questions lead to more questions, so here is a cave of golden light.”

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Leap Year Knows the Secret to My Heart/Fake Ovaries
November 16, 2009

Oh, dammit!  Amy Adams’s undeniably perky charm and Matthew Goode’s dreamboatalicious combination of scruff and blue eyes, WHY MUST YOU EXPLOIT ME SO?!?

Leap Year movie poster

Even in poster format, me and my inner teenage girl don’t stand a chance to your magnetic appeal. Even in poster form, I can see Leap Year for exactly the sort of rote, cliched romantic comedy filled with the same easy jokes and formulaic twists years and years and years of movies just like you have supplied eager audiences like me.  You may be entirely lacking the holy screwball trinity of Katherine Hepburn, Cary Grant, and a leopard named Baby; but I’m pretty certain that you and me and a pint of HäagenDazs vanilla swiss almond would make a perfectly suitable trifecta on a Saturday night.

And your trailer, Leap Year?  I’ve got freakin’ second sight with this:

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Coldplay’s “Strawberry Swing” Video is a Today’s Happy Place
July 21, 2009

The less said about the just-released music video for Coldplay’s über-gorgeous Viva la Vida single “Strawberry Swing” the better, save for the fact that it’s the rare musical video that’s as beautiful as the song that it accompanies.  That, and the fact that it proves my age-old suspicion that squirrels, like clowns, are inherently evil.  Trust me on that one.

So just click the picture and prepare to be transported to a magical world of psychedelic chalk animation and the most fabulously colorful super-hero costume I’ve ever seen.  Really, if I were a Watchman, I’m pretty sure my homemade costume would look just like that.

We can discuss the video more after you watch it, so really, y’all, click that picture!  CLICK IT NOW:

strawbswingcover

Ah, totally worth it, right?  Absolutely a winner of a music video, and that squirrel is evil!  PURE FRICKIN’ EVIL!  But, zoinksapalooza, I don’t know how to discuss it!

It’s so good that I’m entirely at a loss for anything clever or witty to say.  I can’t help myself; the song is already my zen anthem, and those colors are like gay man’s catnip to me!  Trust me, it’s terrible.  One minute I’m bitch-bitch-bitchin’ away, and then all of a sudden all the whimsical deliciousness has me makin’ a damn fool of myself at my desk.  Just like all these cats:

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Every Band Should Have Their Own LeftRightLeftRightLeft
May 1, 2009

I totally recognize that Coldplay is pretty much the “rock” band for soccer moms, and I also recognize that admitting to liking Coldplay (unless you’re a soccer mom) is terminally lame.  Hell, it’s so lame that if you admit to liking Coldplay while in Williamsburg, a swarm of hipsters surrounds you and silently judges you as if you were responsible for bringing the swine flu to an elementary school.

Whatevs, though.  I think they’re great.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed all of their albums since I first bought Parachutes, and Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends was without a doubt one of my favorite albums of last year.  I’ve seen them live twice, and they have a sincere desire to make sure you’re having as much fun as they are when they’re performing.  There’s no posturing to be cool or edgy; it’s just unabashed love, and I for one appreciate that.

Also, there’s this:

coldplay leftrightleftrightleft

“What the hell is LeftRightLeftRightLeft?” you ask?  Well, according to Coldplay.com, it’s the new live album they’re giving away to all concert goers on this (presumably) last leg of their tour.  Oh, and also anyone that can’t make it to a show who instead downloads it from their website.  Says their site:

Good morning. We’re pleased to announce that Coldplay will be giving away a live CD, LeftRightLeftRightLeft, at every remaining live show in 2009 (apart from festival shows). Starting with the band’s first North American tour date, at West Palm Beach in Florida on May 15th, every fan attending a show will be given a free copy of the nine-track CD, which won’t be available elsewhere. Also on May 15th, LeftRightLeftRightLeft will be made available as a free download right here at Coldplay.com, for all fans (and for the same time period). 

According to the band, the give-away is meant as a recession-busting mark of gratitude to everyone who’s supported them: “Playing live is what we love. This album is a thank you to our fans – the people who give us a reason to do it and make it happen.”

Hell yes, Coldplay.  Yet another reason for me to love you long time.

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Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry (to the Other Passengers on a Crowded MTA Car)
April 21, 2009

Back when I first started working, I relied upon my iPod and the occasional book to entertain me during my morning commute into the city from Brooklyn.  Then one day, I spotted them: the PDA Couple.  Chances are that if you’ve ever ridden a subway in New York City, you’ve encountered one of their kind at one point or another.  There are plenty of Drunken Hipster PDA Couples that you can spot on the L train late at night on the weekends, so those aren’t really unusual.  In fact, they’re really quite common.  This couple, my PDA Couple, however, was special.

pda-couple(artist’s interpretation; not actual PDA couple, though these people are totally classy in their own right)

Like some magical clockwork we’d find each other in the same cart at least a few times a week.  They’d be pressed up against the doors of the train, dressed for their respectable adult jobs while making out like they were middle schoolers who’d just discovered the rapturous pleasures of first base.  Every morning that I’d see them, the air must’ve been filled with a strange magnetism that inexplicably brought them into my line of vision and quite explicably brought me to near tears/vomiting.  There love was moving to behold, inspiring to the bitter and heartbroken, and completely inappropriate for 7:50 in the morning.  This ballet of romantic mutual delight continued for months, and everyday it was a train wreck of passion from which, once spotted, I could never turn away.

Then, one terrible day, I stopped seeing them.  Nothing had changed in my schedule, so I knew something was amiss on their end.  I grew frightened.

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We Can All Agree: Gabe Delahaye is a Dreamboat Among Men
March 28, 2009

In my utter commitment to blabbering on about absolutely nothing of any relevance, I bring you the latest installment of Gabe and Max’s Guide to Man Style, which I stumbled upon over at Videogum:

Admittedly, this isn’t the funniest of their clips, but it’s still fabulous and with just enough homoeroticism to send me into a fit of vapors.  No, the funniest would have to go to their video on dining and wine, which might be the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen (which might indicate that I don’t get out much):

Given my proclivity for cooking and fondness for dinner parties, I think my next party should indeed be themed “Erotic Nightmare.”  Whatever precisely that is.  I’ll figure it out after I’ve successfully hosted my “Divas of Classic Hollywood” dinner party.

Anywhosie, the real point of this blabberfest is to point out the terribly obvious fact that these two men are comedic geniuses, and also the even more obvious fact that Gabe is the dreamiest thing known to (gay) mankind.  When I say this to people, I get looks of extreme confusion, but it’s really quite obvious:

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