You know, I should probably be more bothered over last night’s elections, but I’m curiously at ease with all of this. Sure, I find the news that Iowa apparently lost its damn mind and voted out three of their state’s supreme court judges on account of last year’s ruling to make Iowa one badass bitch of a state to be both terribly disheartening and equally worrisome, but I’m also young and optimistic, so I know I still have plenty of time to meet and marry my dream Canadian boyfriend. Or any Canadian, for that matter (HEYYY LADIEEES). What can I say? Desperate times (Sarah Palin for President) call for desperate measures (sham marriages). Just sayin’.
Of course, it’s also worth noting I’m currently taking great comfort in Andrew Cuomo trouncing Carl Paladino and being elected Governor of New York. Carl Paladino is The Worst, and not only is Andrew Cuomo is not The Worst, you know what else? He’s dating Food Network persona Sandra Lee. Sanity has been restored, y’all, and on top of all that, I bet the governor’s mansion is long overdue for a semi-homemade makeover:
You know, the sort makeover that happens when ponies stop doing musicals and start doing interior decoration.
Now you might be thinking to yourself that this is a terrible idea, but let me tell you, America: NO, IT’S NOT. You might say tablescapes and cocktail time have no place in quote-unquote “serious politics,” but that’s suggesting we have to restore ALL the sanity. Can’t we save just one oh-so-delectable slice of batshit crazy and toss the rest of the insanity into the dumpster? I mean, have you seen what happens when she dresses up for her Halloween episodes, America? This happens:
Or this happens:
Oh, and sometimes this as well:
Madonna? Cher? LIZA?!? What I’m trying to tell you is that New York’s First Lady could qualify as an honorary drag queen, so in case I haven’t already made it abundantly clear before, this is totally my face right now:
And it should totally be your face as well, New York/America. Unless you’re Carl Paladino, in which case this is probably your face:
Isn’t it delicious? TOTALLY DELICIOUS.