Ooh, Heaven Is a Place on the Corner of 6th Ave and 37th Street
March 11, 2015

Chik-fil-A NYC

Or at least it will be come this summer…

Crain’s New York Business is reporting that Chick-fil-A is set to open a three-story (!!!) restaurant at the corner of Sixth Avenue and West 37th Street later this summer. That’s mere blocks from where I work and one step closer to traveling to being so morbidly obese I travel by Rascal. *sigh* On the plus side, now I one less reason to consider leaving New York City, at least until they close all the White Castles and affordable rent goes the way of the dodo, the dinosaur, and my dignity. So give it a couple more years, okay Atlanta?

And yes, I’m aware that Chick-fil-A is a Homo No-No in certain circles, to which I say:

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And Now, Sage Advice from RuPaul
December 9, 2012

I think she doesn’t want us to f*ck it up, y’all, but I’m just spitballing here.

Also, after seeing four gag-worthy seasons of RuPaul’s Drag Race runway eleganza so succinctly cut together, am I the only one that feels like picking a favorite look is like the drag queen Sophie’s choice? For realsies, how do I decide? I love them ALL.

Much love to World of Wonder by way of Vulture for this one.

In Honor of Courtney Stodden’s Birthday: Courtney Stodden Tweets Read by a Drag Queen!
August 29, 2012

Seeing as it’s Courtney Stodden’s “18th” birthday today, you’d probably think the day simply can’t get any better. She’s no longer a child bride AND she’ll continue to serve 16-going-on-37 glamazon realness. See? Dreams really do come true, y’all! (Your dreams are made of the hungry scent of internet celebrity and a bathtub of fake tanner, I guess.)

Anyways, in honor of this special occasion, here are two videos of a beatnik drag queen by the name of Janvier doing interpretive readings of Ms. Stodden’s sensual tweets, which really highlight her sensual grasp of the English language:

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Shangela Sings “Pocket Full of Hawthornes”…for 10 Minutes!
March 30, 2012

I’ve got my body, got my lips, got my pocket full of Hawthornes! P-p-p-pocketful of Hawthrones! ))<>(( Forever 10 minutes. P-p-p-perfection.

A Pair of Stars are Born: The Good Girls Audition for The X Factor
September 29, 2011

the good girls us  x factor 2011

I hate to drop such a blistering glamour bomb without nary a warning, but did anybody else catch these two eyeball bedazzlers on last night’s The X Factor? To the left, we have Sherry, a retired professional singer. (And poetry reader. At coffee shops.) And to the right, we have her daughter, Darwin. (Darwin?!?) Together, they’ve already written a screenplay about Simon Cowell, and they’ve now again joined as the soon-to-be global superstars, the Good Girls. Let’s take a look at their audition in which they perform Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On,” shall we?

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“A Long Day’s Journey Into Cristal Connors” or: Let’s Watch This Hot Guy Work Some Drag Magic
July 8, 2011

If you told me that the guy above could go from hot bearded hipster gay (heyyyy) to the ravishing bitch and all-around rolemodel below:

My second response would be “I call your bluff.” (My first response would be “DON’T TOUCH THAT BEARD!!!”) I’m hardly saying it’d be impossible, but it’ll definitely take commitment. My clown lesbian fright drag Liza Minnelli is proof positive, y’all.

ANYWAYS, here’s a video of said bluff being called. It’s kinda NSFW on account of all the boobs, but this Showgirls we’re talking about, so tell your boss it’s ART. “A Long Day’s Journey Into Cristal Connors”:

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This Guy LOVES Him Some Hockey
April 2, 2011

I’ll admit that I don’t really know much about hockey, save for the fact that it always strikes me as a hilarious excuse to watch grown men on ice skates beat the crap out of each other over a little disc. Is it like some bizarro butch version of Joan Crawford’s The Ice Follies of 1939?

I don’t know.

What I do know, though, is that Joan’s costumes are absolutely glamour-gonzo, a young Jimmy Stewart wants to do things on ice that have never been done before (!), those ice skating numbers look like bargain-basement Busby Berkeley insanity, and why haven’t I seen this movie yet?!? Again, I just don’t know, but what I do know is that this guy LOVES him some hockey:

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BEHOLD! Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Acting Debut in As the World Moves
March 30, 2011

Back during my sophomore year of college at the University of Georiga, a group of friends and I entered the Campus MovieFest. The theme that year was something like “Moving the World,” and seeing how we were a tasteful group of budding filmmakers, we chose to go the esoteric and inspirational route for our short: We made a fake previously-on-last-season’s teaser for a nighttime soap opera entitled As the World Turns.

We thought of everything, and I mean everything: Love triangles, wedding proposals, chronic illnesses, multiple counts of substance abuse, lies, betrayals, and shocking secrets revealed! When we failed to sweep the festival, it was clear that though we were big, the moviefests had already gotten too small. Somewhere on Sunset Boulevard, Norma Desmond shed a tear in silent commiseration.

ANYWAYS, Campus MovieFest has begun putting these submissions up on YouTube, and one of my old roommates recently stumbled upon our entry brought it to my attention, so without further ado,  As the World Moves:

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Blog Post #529, in Which There’s the Obligatory Liza Minnelli Drag Queen Photo Shoot from Halloween
November 8, 2010

For me, every Halloween’s outcome is a crap shoot.  Some years I’ll really get into the spirit and go out all dressed (or dragged) up, and other years will be spent holed up in my bedroom with whatever horror movies I can get my hand on and a bag of candy, all hopped-up on sugar and shouting obscenities at the television.  Fortunately enough, this year I ended up going with the former after I was invited to a Halloween party by my dear friend Lindsay.  Of course she and I would have to go as a pair, but obviously not as a lazy metaphor for sexual penetration:

Mostly because that lock costume would make me self-conscious about my hips, but whatever, I digress.

Our plan was to go as Lucille and Lucille II from Arrested Development; however, that fell through when we found that every last old-lady-with-a-bob wig was snatched up like it was a Brazilian drag competition.  All the same, I knew I still had to go as Liza Minnelli because:

  1. If Sandra Lee can do it semi-homemade, so could I.
  2. I’d already committed to the look by shaving my beard and dying my hair.
  3. Duh.
  4. Double-duh.

ANYWAYS, I’m not usually one to put overtly personal material up here (this isn’t LiveJournal, ladies!), but I did Liza drag this weekend, damnit, and if this tranny train wreck isn’t at least slightly camp, I’m clearly in need of six weeks intensive camp therapy (Joan Crawford movie marathons and Showgirls dance lessons).  If nothing else, this’ll be good for a laugh.  Or extremely vivid nightmares about a tackily dressed middle-aged lesbian.  Either/or, I would like to present without any further ado:

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Hooray for the New First Lady of New York, Ms. Sandra Lee!
November 3, 2010

You know, I should probably be more bothered over last night’s elections, but I’m curiously at ease with all of this.  Sure, I find the news that Iowa apparently lost its damn mind and voted out three of their state’s supreme court judges on account of last year’s ruling to make Iowa one badass bitch of a state to be both terribly disheartening and equally worrisome, but I’m also young and optimistic, so I know I still have plenty of time to meet and marry my dream Canadian boyfriend.  Or any Canadian, for that matter (HEYYY LADIEEES).  What can I say?  Desperate times (Sarah Palin for President) call for desperate measures (sham marriages).  Just sayin’.

Of course, it’s also worth noting I’m currently taking great comfort in Andrew Cuomo trouncing Carl Paladino and being elected Governor of New York.  Carl Paladino is The Worst, and not only is Andrew Cuomo is not The Worst, you know what else?  He’s dating Food Network persona Sandra Lee.  Sanity has been restored, y’all, and on top of all that, I bet the governor’s mansion is long overdue for a semi-homemade makeover:

You know, the sort makeover that happens when ponies stop doing musicals and start doing interior decoration.

Now you might be thinking to yourself that this is a terrible idea, but let me tell you, America: NO, IT’S NOT.  You might say tablescapes and cocktail time have no place in quote-unquote “serious politics,” but that’s suggesting we have to restore ALL the sanity.  Can’t we save just one oh-so-delectable slice of batshit crazy and toss the rest of the insanity into the dumpster?  I mean, have you seen what happens when she dresses up for her Halloween episodes, America?  This happens:

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The Video For Adam Lambert’s “If I Had You” Is What Happens When Fabulousness Snorts Angel Dust
June 15, 2010

There’s flamboyant, and then there’s Adam Lambert rocking a pompadour/mullet, bedazzled and bespiked shoulder pads, and enough glittery make-up to glamourize a small neighborhood of frumpy hausfraus, which is why he’s affectionately known to many as Glambert.  Adam Lambert’s “If I Had You” music video:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Hot damn, y’all.  I’m pretty sure unicorns farting glitter would be less flamboyant than this music video, and I mean that as a compliment.

Naturally I love this, in large part because Glambert totally won me over with For Your Entertainment; since then been waiting for a music video to properly capture his fabulousness, and I’m pretty sure “If I Had You” is the video for that.  At least until they make a music video for “Strut.”  Or, fingers crossed, “Fever.”

Added to that, and maybe this is just me, but I prefer to trip balls vicariously.  I’ve seen what that shit does to Helen Hunt, and it ain’t pretty.  So once again, I’m pretty sure “If I Had You” is the video for that.  At least until they make a video for “Strut.”  Or, fingers crossed, “Fever.”

One thing I’m most definitely sure of about “If I Had You,” though, is that “If I Had You” is the video Adam Lambert where is clearly this summer’s fashion icon for the over-sexed, aging drag queen set:

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Important Findings in the Album Art for Christina Aguilera’s Bionic
June 11, 2010

Over on Facebook, a friend of mine described Christina Aguilera’s Bionic as mostly consisting of “transparent attempts to pander to obnoxious queens.” I recognize that taste is a subjective thing, so he could be wrong, but he did study music production, so I’m willing to trust his critical assessment on this matter.  Besides, it probably explains why I’m enjoying Bionic so damn much.  After all, if Christina Aguilera’s latest album was an early-to-mid-90s Marvel Comic character, she’d be Nymphomaniac Robotranny Joan Crawford 2099:

In which case, how could I not love this nonsense?

Some of the songs, like “I Am” (co-written by Sia and painfully lovely in its chamber pop minimalism) and the glorious “My Girls” (a Le Tigre-penned track with a Peaches rap interlude, so electropop fantastiche), are legitimately good songs; other songs, like the ode to muff diving called “Woo Hoo” and the oh-so-unsubtly titled “Sex for Breakfast,” feature lyrics so cartoonishly sexual that they could fit right into Showgirls: The Musical (book and lyrics by Joe  Eszterhas, music by Andrew Lloyd Weber on a burritos and meth bender).  And then there’s “Vanity,” a song that scales to such heights of camp absurdity that it’s another post all unto itself.  Bionic may be neither a work of high art nor a pop masterpiece, but much of it’s so frequently batshit crazy and so thoroughly listenable that I find it irresistible.

ANYWAYS, as I was flipping through the album art for Bionic (which is as bonkers and fabulous–if not even more so–than the album itself), I had a revelation, and that revelation was that Christina Aguilera and I both share a love of Karen Black in The Day of the Locust.  Here’s Karen Black on the poster for The Day of the Locust:

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Hot Chip’s “She Wolf” Is Your New Favorite Disco Fabulous Gay Robot Cover of a Shakira Song
April 16, 2010

While I can admit without reservation that I love me some “She Wolf” by Shakira, I’m also quite suspect of anything that even resembles a robot because you can’t have a horrific robot apocalypse without robots.  Thankfully for us, Hot Chip is a band composed of actual people (so they say), and their cover of Shakira’s “She Wolf” merely sounds like robots.  Dazzling disco drag queen robots to be precise.  And even though the interwebs have sadly yet to bless us with a shot-for-shot remake of the Shakira video starring a tranny robot, they’ve been kind enough to give us this fan video, which is…I don’t even know what it is:

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Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Anecdote Corner: On Sportiness
March 18, 2010

When one of my coworkers today jokingly commented how I kicked a foil ball like a girl (don’t ask), I realized how terribly unflattering that comment is.  To girls.  Have you ever seen a girl play soccer?  And I’m not even talking professional soccer.  The girls that make up the reject team for the local little league soccer team probably have a more effective sense of foot-eye coordination.  Seriously, some days it’s a small miracle I haven’t yet died going up a flight of stairs.  But I digress.

My point is, I’m all for critiquing my kick style, but let’s keep it a little less gendered and a little more on the nose.  Or in other words, I kick like a drag queen on quaaludes and crutches.  RECOGNIZE!

Glorious News! Rena Riffel’s Showgirl Will Be the Showgirls Sequel/Remake/Somethingorother of Our Penny/Hopes and Dreams
March 4, 2010

Showgirls: The Return may purport to be the sequel to the greatest movie of all time (because it adds “The Return” to the end of the title), but if the extended trailer’s any indication, that doesn’t mean I have to treat this half-cooked sauerbraten like its canon:

What have you done, Marc Vorlander?  Sure, I haven’t seen this many boobs-per-minute since the last time I watched Showgirls (January 16, 2010, but who’s counting?), which I guess counts as a step in the right direction, but everything else about this trailer is a turgid art-house hot mess.  A Showgirls sequel shouldn’t look boring, but this looks BORING.  Even worse, I don’t see any Rena Riffel, and we were promised Rena Riffel!  Seriously, universe, is there no Penny/hope for a Showgirls follow-up that lives up to the original?

Oh wait, there is:

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Lil’ Lady Gaga Is Precocious. And Proof That Brazil Is Bonkers
March 3, 2010

Desperate times call for desperate measures, which–in the case of still not having the music video for Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” in our lives–apparently means posting a video of an 8-year-old working it like Lady Gaga on the Brazilian version of Britain’s Got Talent,Qual é o seu Talento?:

Ermm, I hope that Lil’ Lady Gaga’s got proportional dwarfism and is actually a 33-year-old Russian prostitute with a penchant for not wearing pants; otherwise, Brazil’s got some ‘splainin’ to do.

I mean, it’s vaguely uncomfortable how much the audience is enjoying this performance.  Particularly Brazilian Kenny Rogers:

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TGIF! Now Here’s the New Video for Lady Gaga’s “Telephone”
February 5, 2010

Obviously, this video is perfection.  Particularly the part when their outfits at the end of the video at various points remind me of Cyclops and Phoenix from X-Men and Katana from Mortal Kombat II, but I’m a nerd like that.

Oh, and as Lady Gaga would say: God bless the gays.

Much love to Queerty for this one.

TGIF! Now Here’s Some Tranny Wig-Stealing Fierceness
November 20, 2009

There’s a part of me that loves that this video is an actual news story that aired on television.  It’s safe to say that the vampires will sparkle a little brighter in New Moon this weekend because we live in a world that understands the newsworthiness of one tranny stealing another tranny’s wig:  

Most of me, though, loves how she gives such great bitchface even when she’s using her ninja focus and lighting-fast thief mittens to get that wig.  Miss Brazil 2009 most certainly does NOT want to get in front of that queen while going down a flight of stairs.  It can only end with a Nomi Malone.

You can toast DListed for this little slice of fabulous.

Rudy Giuliani Is One Classy Broad
November 11, 2009

Every time I look at this incredible picture of Rudy Giuliani in drag, a little piece of my soul dies and a tiny part of my brain explodes from the overwhelming happiness of it all:

Rudy Giuliani in Drag

Yes.  

Of course, it’s only natural to look at this and think that Rudy Giuliani would make the sort of drag queen that would bark at you in his man voice about how he’s going to fuck you up and put this cigar out in your face, right?  WRONG.

Ladies and gentleman, I present to you incontrovertible videographic evidence that–when it comes to being in drag–Rudy Giuliani is a respectable lady:

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