All Signs Point to Case 39 Being Totally Amazing

Obviously the first sign is the simple fact that Case 39 is a horror movie starring Renée Zellwegger, which allows her to join Hilary Swank and Halle Berry in the pantheon of Oscar-winning actresses to be inexplicably cast in a horror movie.  The fact that she’s at long last making her The Reaping (or Gothika, whichever perplexing career decision you’d prefer) should be more than plenty to have you buzzing with anticipatory glee.  But wait, there’s more!

For example, there’s also the trailer:

Oh trailer, you had me at Bradley Cooper shirtless and vomiting flies.  Given that this combines things that I like (Bradley Cooper and Bradley Cooper’s abs) and things that will haunt me for the rest of my life (the whole vomiting flies business), so congratulations are in order for giving such precise vision to my future sexual nightmares.

Sign three?  The little girl in this movie was also in Silent Hill, where she memorably danced in a rain of blood after a barbed wire tentacle shot up the Borg queen’s hooha and ripped her in two.  This actually has nothing to do with Case 39.  I just like taking any available opportunity to mention how batshit crazy Silent Hill is.  Seriously, it’s the craziest, but I digress.

Also, there’s Case 39‘s tagline, which is as clever as it is menacing:


Do I need to further comment on this one?  I don’t need to further comment on this one.

So really, aren’t you the most excited for Case 39?  It’s coming out January 1, 2010, and nothing will distract you from your hangover quite like pondering what the hell Renée Zellwegger was thinking when she signed on for this movie.  Probably Bradley Cooper’s abs, but that’s just my guess.

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2 Responses

  1. i know what she was thinking…”EASY MONEY.” Now of days, horror movies are great for actors. Since everything now is done by computerized graphics to make things spooky, it really doesn’t take that much to make a horror movie. You just have to perfect you’re startled look, bad judgement making face and your high pitch scream. Renee probably also hopes that it will stay in theaters by Valentines day. Horror movies are hit for tweens who want an excuse to act scaired and cuddle up in a dark movie theater. It’s an excuse to perform hand jobs. Everyone gets their d touched on Feb 14th! Horrary for Hollywood!

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  2. strange …. Renee always looks so boney on the red carpet, yet in this trailer she’s awfully puffy. Boy did they put some unflattering hair & outfits on her! I’ll go, but just for the Cooper abs 😉

    Like

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