When Christina Aguilera Tickles Your Gay Fancy, She Pre-Sells Another Copy of Bionic

I may know about as much about selling records as I do about finding the G-spot (a surprising amount, actually!), which is precisely why I concur with Christina Aguilera that tranny glambot from outer space is a great look to put on the cover for your latest album, Bionic:

christina aguilera bionic album cover high resolution

Think about it for a second and you’ll realize how this cover has great crossover appeal for both Joan Crawford enthusiasts AND cyborg fetishists.  Genius!

Also, if this promotional photo from the video for “Not Myself Tonight” is any indicator, she’s also wisely courting fans of Showgirls, Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” video, and leather daddies.  Or in other words, quite possibly every gay man on Earth:

christina aguilera not myself tonight official video promo pic 2

I mean, I’m not sure whether this is a still from the video or a still from her upcoming movie of extreme camp promise (Burlesque) that’s been mistaken for a promo still for “Not Myself Tonight.”  As this pic originates from over at RCA Records’ website, I’ll go with the former; however, it should also come as no surprise that the camp pleasure tinglies aroused by anything tangentially reminiscent of Showgirls have piqued my interest in both.  Also, today’s Showgirls buzzwords at play are glitter.  And as always, boobs.

Anyways, while I feel that all of these efforts are excellent examples in being fabulous, sometimes fabulous isn’t enough to sell.  In these cases you’ve got to forgo mere camp and UNLEASH THE KRAKEN DIVA BITCH:

I’m sorry, but it doesn’t even matter to me whether or not this was meant as a joke.  What does matter to me is that Christina Aguilera is on record for asking a reporter to be shot for coughing during her interview.  This is a thing that exists, and it will continue to exist until time immemorial.  That, or somebody gets cranky and has this clip yanked.  Seriously, she looks amazing with the fauxhawk and that killer eyeshadow, and then all the sudden she busts out the stone-cold bitchcraft.  If that doesn’t just scream “One copy of Christina Aguilera’s Bionic, please!”, then I don’t know what does.  The only way this clip could get any better would be if she was still rocking her look circa Moulin Rouge:

At which point Dee Snider from Twisted Sister would show up and they’d shout, “Wonder Tranny powers, activate!”  I’m not sure who would take the form of an animal and who would take the form of a water-based lubricant, but I’m quite sure there’s only one acceptable reaction.

7 Responses

  1. Let’s face it. She’s a brassy cunt, always has been. While her vocal abilities have by far surpassed those of Britney and Gaga, she just doesn’t have the appeal. There’s something to be said for stage style. Christina just doesn’t possess that trait. She says the wrong thing at the wrong time, and always has. I really like her voice, but, I’m not entertained with her brash style. The other “untalented, manufactured stars” have alluring personalities. That’s what’s kept them going for 11 to 29 years. You know who they are.


  2. My X-tina post will fight yours! Sing off at 5:00 in the parking lot. (Great post.)


  3. please explain Britney’s “appeal” at this point – explain pls… Also, this clip seems like she was totally joking. Her sense of humor is surprisingly dry (judging from SNL and other appearences).


  4. To respond to both robyn and Jon, I honestly suspect it’s a touch of column A and a touch of column B in terms of that clip. She definitely has this aloof diva air about her, and that can easily be misread (or even slip into) bitch mode, but I also think her comments in this particular video were went as a very dry joke. More importantly, though, I think that’s at least part of her public persona, which is very much the appeal to me.

    Britney Spears has more or less been a puppet of the music industry for the duration of her career (she’s practically the text book for manufactured pop acts, and she was sadly most interesting as a public figure when she was very obviously mentally unwell), and Lady Gaga–while far more self-made–is still a carefully constructed persona, but there’s something to be said for Christina Aguilera seeming to be herself and allowing that to shape her style, particularly when that can lead to both her “Dirrty” X-tina phase and her 40s pin-up bombshell glam for Back to Basics. It may lack Britney’s pre-packaged polish or Gaga’s endearingly batty eccentricities, but there is something to be said for Ms. Aguilera. Yes, her talent’s certainly of a different era, but it’s also fascinating to watch her adapt it to contemporary pop culture.


  5. I have to agree with you on all points, Ben. Also, it looks like Britney may be entering, ahem, one of her more interesting moments again, which should edify you.

    I know Christina is a bit colder and more distant–and Britney warm and, indeed, chaotic, but there’s no doubt that she has talent and Britney doesn’t. I think Christina will still be there in her 60s selling out MSG, although probably not quite in this stye.


  6. My morning:




    “…clear homages to at least three videos from the past… Madge’s stark episode of Kinky Hollywood Squares ‘Human Nature.'”



    • I know, right? It’s like Christina Aguilera set out to make the glitteriest present possible for her fans (the Gays) and then wrapped it in a leather bow. I died.


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