I think it’s important to contextualize the new music video for Christina Aguilera’s “Not Myself Tonight” with a couple things: firstly, unless you work in a sex shop that specializes in high-end leather wear and bedazzled gag balls or an office with an HR staff that doesn’t consider getting your Nomi Malone on and mercilessly humping EVERYTHING inappropriate workplace conduct (so basically you work at the Cheetah), then yes, “Not Myself Tonight” might in fact be considered Not Safe For Work. More importantly, though, I’m pretty sure that Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Christina Aguilera impersonation is going to be so miffed that the real Xtina finally got around to doing a cover of Lil’ Kim’s “C*m-Guzzling F*ck Whore”:
Oh lordy, Christina, that was most certainly skanky enough. Bonkers, too, which can only mean that we need to talk about this thing, so let’s all put some aloe vera on our Christina burns and talk about this thing after the jump.
Now seeing as my personal tastes all but demands I approve of anything that could be mistaken for the world’s trashiest drag revue, I obviously love this. “Not Myself Tonight” is what happens when “Dirrty”-era Xtina stops throwing pool parties in garbage dumpsters and starts taking the art of S&M (very) seriously. Coming across like an escapee from the loony bin with a sex addiction and a penchant for the avant garde isn’t a new horizon on the pop music landscape, y’all, so let’s all make like the tagline for Showgirls and leave our inhibitions perceptions that she’s ripping of Lady Gaga’s brand of crazy at the door.
If anything, I can’t help but think that the combination of the visual homages to late-80s/early-90s Madonna (“Express Yourself” and “Human Nature”) with the schizophrenic-persona theme at the center of “Not Myself Tonight”‘s lyrics makes this some sort of music video meta-commentary about how image has been in the past and is increasingly becoming the locus of the pop music artist’s identity. Someone’s going to one day write their thesis about this video and where it places Christina Aguilera in the pantheon of pop divas, but that person is not going to be me today because this video has me tripping balls harder than a party with these two chaps:
Seriously, “Not Myself Tonight” is like somebody spiked the punch at Cake Dog and Present Cat’s party with bong water that’s fermented in a pair of ho boots. I’m not complaining. I’m just saying that for the first time in quite a while, even a GIF of the exploding head from Scanners simply won’t encapsulate the mind-blowing ridiculousness of it all.
Well played, Christina Aguilera. Very, very well played indeed.