The Nina Sayers of Quizno’s Ads

They’ve used nightmare hamsters of the interwebs:

D*ck-starved oven monsters:

And, most recently, a Bette-Davis-drag-queen-lookalike who is actually just some lady channeling Bette circa Jezebel and wearing clown makeup circa Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?:

All of them have danced the dance, for sure, but who shall be Quizno’s Marketing’s Swan Queen?

Ah, yes:

“I was perfect.”

–@lindsaylohan

Obviously: RETWEET! And lest you disagree, here is an important life lesson from an unheralded cinematic masterpiece starring everyone’s new favorite toasted sub sandwich salesperson:

People get cut, y’all, and in this case it’s a check from Quizno’s. That’s life.

Anyways, this one’s definitely Quizno’s piqué turn, and even though that doesn’t make a damn lick of sense, it’s a ballet reference as well as a Showgirls reference, so it most certainly stays.

See, I made two New Years resolutions this year:

1. Eat healthier.
2. Only take advice from people who don’t lie.

So by both her suggesting we join to “eat healthy” with some #goodeats AND clearly marking this as an #ad, I’m pretty sure Lindsay’s tweet is perfection, a flawlessly executed encouragement to keep to my resolutions by printing out that coupon so that I too may attack it, ATTACK IT! And by it, I mean the new Quizno’s Chicken Bacon Dipper and a cookie, all for just $2.99 with my free upgradable coupon!

Much love to Moya for the head’s up on this one.