The Mad Men Recap That’s All About That One Scene in Italy

A responsible recap for this past week’s episode of Mad Men would go into more detail about all the developments in the plot.  After all, this episode found Pete Campbell home alone while Trudy vacationed with her family, and so he naturally had to take his shirt off in celebration:

Looking good, Pete Campbell.  Sadly, all this free time left him at first helping (how kind!) and then forcing his lovin’ (how gross!) on  his neighbor’s German nanny.  Sure, he’s wormy and pathetic, but I still delight in his ways, but this was a sad new low.

There was also that kiss between Betty and silver fox politico Henry Francis, which was certainly high on the list of Benjamin’s Giddily Anticipated Mad Men Plot Developments.  Then Betty and Don went to Rome to visit Conrad Hilton’s hotel.  Oh, and Sally hit Bobby because she’s a lesbian because Bobby teased her for kissing a neighborhood boy.

Yes, responsible recaps would expand upon such significant plots and use them as opportunities to wax poetic/analytic/philosophic.  This is not that sort of recap, though, and so I give you this video to make sure I didn’t miss any of the important details:

Whoops, clearly I forgot to mention that Trudy continues to dazzle with her stylish head wear.  Seriously, whoever does the costumes on Mad Men must be having a ball styling her this season, and I encourage them to continue to do so.  Hell, let there be a montage sequence of Trudy going shopping for hats and scarves!

On second thought, that montage might kill me from from the utter delight of it all, so scratch that.  I mean, I barely survived witnessing this…this VISION:

I.  Can’t.  HANDLE THIS!  A hat montage is obviously out of the question.

Fact is, when I first saw Betty Draper rocking this look last night, I let out a squeal that can only be described as Gay Banshee Castrato (the neighborhood dogs were thoroughly unamused).  Everything, and I mean everything, about this ensemble blows my mind in a thousand different ways.  It’s like a fever dream I’d have after too many spicy meatballs and a viewing of La Dolce Vita.  I kept expecting her to dance in a fountain at any moment; instead, she flirted with some Italians.

When Betty Draper left her Hilton Hotel suite and set out for dinner by herself, and then the two Italians started making a pass at her, SQUEEE! #2 commenced.  A part of me died simply on account of how there’s such a pleasure in watching her turn on her coy ice queen seductress thing and swat down their advances like they were gnats.  But to do it all in Italian?  And while looking like she could be cast in a remake of Darling?  There’s a reason the French call an orgasm “the little death.”  They were just waiting for this moment.

BUT THEN, things went from deliciously fabulous to deliciously fabulously out of control:

Don shows up and pretends he and Betty are just random, unacquainted American tourists.  Don then vies with the Italians for Betty’s company, and naturally wins.  Even if they weren’t acquainted, this makes sense, because Don Draper is like a sexy god among sexy men; however, the fact that this is all essentially a game for the Drapers–foreplay to the inevitably awesome sex that they definitely do have after their dinner with Conrad Hilton–kills me (SQUEEE! #3 if you’re keeping track).  THE DRAPERS ARE INTO ROLE PLAYING, Y’ALL!  Maybe I’m the only one, but this kinkiness (however mild it may be) was as jaw-droppingly unexpected a moment as last week’s tryst between Peggy and Duck Philips, except I actually liked watching these two crazy kids fall (briefly) back in love.  To me, this scene was THE scene of the episode, and can you blame me?

I mean, the fantastic European setting?  The clothes?  The palpable eroticism?  Betty’s fuck-me eyes?

And what about Betty’s pre-Lady-Gaga hair bow?

I can’t, y’all.  Sometimes I really just can’t, and this was definitely one of those times.  It was as though, for one brief and glorious moment, Mad Men tapped into everything I could possibly want.  In a word?  Orgasmic.

PS: Good News: Joan was found this episode.

Bad News: Joan was working retail.  High-end, but still retail.  The Mad Men gods may giveth, but damn can they also taketh away.

Much love to This Recording (as per usual) for the Pete Campbell GIF.