Robo-testicles?
Wonky-eyed, racist caricature-bots?
Megan Fox giving lessons on how to dress appropriately for work?
Then there are the reviews, which confirm what I’ve long suspected. Ladies and gentleman, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which is at long last in theaters, seems like it’s going to be one seriously ferocious train wreck, no CGI necessary.
I may no longer be a teenager, and I certainly never was a straight man, so the reality of the situation is that I’m definitely not this movie’s target audience. There will be no Shia LaBeouf in hot pants slouched over a motorcycle, and there are no reports of a gay robot that wishes all the Transformers could stop fighting and start striking a pose. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen will be loud and stupid and completely devoid of any positive social value, but it will at least be one thing other thing, and that thing will be over-the-top camp.
“But wait,” you ask, “isn’t camp bedazzled, transparent badness capable of launching gays into giggle fits?” Indubitably, my dears, but hear me out.