Dear Internet: More Daddy’s Boy, Please!
March 18, 2015

As someone who separately appreciates the words 1938, musical, and train wreck but can really clutch some pearls upon their combination, I am telling you I’m not going this is not nearly enough Daddy’s Boy. We want Daddy’s Boy uncut! We need the full length!

So don’t listen to Robert Osborne, and make it so, interwebs. Or at the very least, make it a Kickstarter.

Rejoice! Powder Blue is Out on DVD Today!
May 26, 2009

I woke up this morning with an extra spring in my step and a renewed sense of hope for the world.  It’s safe to say that we all know why:

powder-blue

YESSSSSS!!!  After what’s seemed like an eternity of waiting, Powder Blue has finally made it’s way to DVD!  

Today feels just like Christmas, which–seeing as Powder Blue is set on Christmas Eve–is totally fitting.  Only it’s much better than Christmas because we’re getting Forest Whitaker begging a tranny prostitute to kill him, Lisa Kudrow sharing her tips to a successful diet, and a whole bunch of Jessica Biel’s ACTING.  And her dirty pillows.  Mostly, though, we’re getting Jessica Biel’s ACTING, which apparently involves her being addicted to cocaine (naturally…because she’s a stripper) and pouring candle wax on her ta-tas (naturally…because she’s a stripper).  In other words, Powder Blue is the classiest, most seriously artistic endeavor cinema has ever seen.  EVER.  Thank you, Timothy Linh Bui.

Don’t even bother Netflixing this mess, y’all.  We may be in a recession so blah blah blah fiscal responsibility blah blah blah, but that doesn’t mean you can’t afford the small pittance it’ll cost on Amazon.  Seriously, $12.99 (plus shipping and handling, ‘cos I know you want this mess overnighted) is a bonafide bargain if it’s supporting the beginning of Jessica Biel’s inevitable career as a camp icon.  This is her Showgirls, y’all, and she’s Powder Blue‘s Elizabeth Berkley.  And don’t even bother feigning your best surprise face: I’ve already got my copy next to me.

So I hope you prepare yourself, people.  I’m about to bring the Powder Blue love out like it’s my blog job, and that’s a blog promise.  I hope you like batshit crazy, because that’s all I’ll be serving for quite a while.

And, lastly, if you came here looking for Jessica Biel’s boobs and are disappointed to instead find a distinct lack of said boobs, allow me to redirect you here.  There you go.  Biel boobs to warm your heart and nourish your inner aspect.  You’re welcome.

The Girl on a Motorcycle‘s Mind-Blowing Ridiculousness Defies Understanding and Description
April 27, 2009

After the very sad passing of Jack Cardiff, one of my dearest professors/good friends/fellow lover of bad movies turned me onto a movie that the great cinematographer also directed.  This movie is called The Girl on a Motorcycle, and it stars Marianne Faithfull as (you guessed it!) a girl on a motorcycle.  Alain Delon also stars in it as the lover the Girl has left her husband for, and there’s lots of psychedelics because it’s the 60s and that’s just what happened.  Judging by what I’ve found online in terms of clips, I cannot tell if this movie is a profoundly bad movie that’s made even more magical by being so dated as a product of the late 60s, or if The Girl on the Motorcycle has always been the transcendentally bad experience it looks to be.  Whatever the case, there’s little I can say about The Girl on a Motorcycle other than the fact that these clips make it look TOTALLY AMAZING.

To start, there’s the trailer:

Absolutely incredible.  In a mere 50 seconds, my mind has been blown multiple times by the unbridled lunacy of this affair.  The music is spectacularly kitschy, the sex looks like the antithesis of erotic, Marianne Faithfull’s face are priceless, and that narration sends me into an unprecedented fit of giggles from the sheer camp of it all.  

And trust me when I tell you that it’s not just a bad trailer.  These are the opening credits:

Whoah.  Before seeing this, I never realized that a freakin’ credit sequence could be such a dazzling train wreck, but they apparently can.  Learning is fun, yay!  It of course doesn’t hurt to finally see where the total campsterpiece that is Batman Forever took inspiration for its title sequence.  Ladies and gentlemen, if title sequences are any indication for what cinematically lies ahead, I’m gonna hazard a guess and say that this bodes very well for the rest of the movie.

And if you take into account the ending, well, hot damn.  The ending does feature some Marianne Faithfull boob, so it’s probably NSFW, but it also features unbridled hilarity to the bajillionth degree, so there’s no reason you shouldn’t watch it immediately. Also, as it’s the ending, consider this your spoiler warning for all further discussion:

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