Dear Internet: More Daddy’s Boy, Please!
March 18, 2015

As someone who separately appreciates the words 1938, musical, and train wreck but can really clutch some pearls upon their combination, I am telling you I’m not going this is not nearly enough Daddy’s Boy. We want Daddy’s Boy uncut! We need the full length!

So don’t listen to Robert Osborne, and make it so, interwebs. Or at the very least, make it a Kickstarter.

Definitely Not Miss Piggy
March 7, 2015

definitely not miss piggy

Definitely not.

[Image via Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt]

In Honor of 30 Rock Returning to TV: Here’s a Picture of Tina Fey and a Homeless Man
January 6, 2012

tina fey being the best

Whatever the situation behind this is, it only reaffirms that Tina Fey is the best. Taking a moment to pose with the rest of us? (Aka, those not responsible for writing Mean Girls and 30 Rock.) Clearly, the best.

(And seriously, I’ve been reading Bossypants, and she really is the absolute best. I’m welcome to a debate in the comments. But I might shut you down. Moving on.)

Still, I’ve questions. Well, one question, which is: Is that Moonvest?

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This Has Always Brought Me LOLZ
March 24, 2011

Back when I was in school, I decided one summer’s day that canvas messenger bags were so out and that fun, fetching, personalized canvas totes were totally in, but where would I ever find inspiration for a bag that would say everything about me? And then it hit me! The most obvious choice! Rachel Dratch as Elizabeth Taylor on 30 Rock:

So I went and got myself the finest of materials (a lime green canvas tote from the Strand book store, leftover pink iron-on letters from a previous attempt at making t-shirts, super glue, and the cheapest rhinestones money can buy) and set out to work. When I was finally finished, I christened my work of arts and crafts White Diamonds. Because that’s what she read.

In my mind, she didn’t just say, “Here is a queen whose beard is fooling nobody and loves Elizabeth Taylor.” No no, she declared, “Here is is a queen whose beard refuses to fool anybody, loves Elizabeth Taylor, and also adores obscure 30 Rock references!” Alas, the best I ever got was a single guy on the subway some years later who asked, “I’m sorry, is it just me, but is that a reference to Elizabeth Taylor?” A minor success, for sure, but then I had to explain the process of inspiration. That’ll kill a conversation quicker than Mama Cass reaching for a ham sandwich.

Much like our dearly missed Dame Taylor, though, the years of toil have taken their toll (though you’d be impressed what a canvas tote can withstand!), and White Diamonds is no longer with us, but she also shan’t be forgotten. By me. ‘Cos I’ll put her in a frame and claim it’s Dada.

ANYWAYS, it’s with great pleasure that I can now share this lightbulb moment I’d been all but convinced the world (aka, YouTube) had neglected or forgotten. Ladies and gentlemen, lezzies and ladybois, Rachel Dratch as Elizabeth Taylor in 30 Rock:

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Here’s a Video of the 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time
July 1, 2010

When a video is titled “The 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time” and begins with this warning:

You’d best believe this video isn’t going to mess around.  But when it actually includes some of the greatest movie insults of all time, including a Joan Crawford ZING! from The Women and a priceless exchange from Mean Girls (you go, Glenn Coco Tina Fey!), well, it’s just worth it.  “The 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time,” y’all:

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Since There’ll Be a Mean Girls Video Game, Here’re Some Other Games That Would Be Totally Fetch
April 13, 2010

When I first found out yesterday that this was happening:

I totally Bill Hader-ed at work:

Sure, my co-worker was not a fan, and I guess it was embarrassing, but not nearly as embarrassing as taking six years to capitalize on the obviously lucrative market for video game adaptations of Mean Girls and things tangentially related to Mean Girls.  Of course, neither compares to the shame of being the one star of Mean Girls whose notoriously public career implosion most likely resulted in him/her being left off the video game box art for fear of their presence damaging sales (HINT: NOT THE WIDE-SET VAGINA GIRL), but that’s neither here nor there.

My point is that if there’s one thing that gays love, it’s dick spending money on things they don’t need; and if there’s another thing that they love, it’s sucking dick while watching Mean Girls.  A Mean Girls video game just makes sense.  Sure, six years isn’t exactly striking while the iron’s hot, but gays don’t mind when things don’t age gracefully (See: Xanadu, which only grows more camp with each passing day.  See also: Madonna).

ANYWAYS, this can only be the beginning of the Video Games Renaissance (for games based on Mean Girls and things tangentially related to Mean Girls), so let’s take a peek at some other other games we can expect in the future:

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Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Amateur PR Corner: On the Future of Jesse James’s Public Image
March 26, 2010

Celebrities: they’re just like us!  And if you happen to be the sort of person who can’t stand black people almost as much as you can’t get enough Nazi memorabilia or sex with lots of tattooed lady friends that aren’t your wife, then rumor has it that Jesse James is just like you!  Well, the whole banging ladies with hideous forehead tattoos part is fact, but now there are all sorts of rumors circulating that Jesse James is a white supremacist who has a Hitler surfboard.  Yikes!  When you’re already considered one of the country’s most reviled men before you’re outed as a racist and a homophobe, it’s pretty safe to say that your public image is certifiably doomed after the fact.

Now seeing as I’m neither a philanderer nor a white supremacist, I don’t have a lot of experience with this sort of situation, but one time I sat in on a PR class in undergrad, which I’m pretty sure makes me qualified to add my two cents to this situation, and I’m all but convinced that if anyone can redeem Jesse James’s public image, and it’s this guy: (more…)

Did You Know That Tomorrow You’re Watching “30 Rock”? Well, Now You Do
February 4, 2009

I’m glad I’ve cleared things up for you.  It’d be pity if you didn’t know about the plans you didn’t know you already have.  Seriously, though, you’re watching 30 Rock tomorrow.  Not because it’s the funniest show on television (just ask the Golden Globes!) or because Alec Baldwin is brazilliantly hysterical (though he totally is) OR because Tina Fey is certifiably the best (and she really totally is and she should call me so we can get coffee and see movies at repertory theaters and laugh and talk about boys).  You already know all, right?  Right.  Done.

No, the reason you’re watching this week’s 30 Rock is as follows:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Mmmmm…frosting-scented Hamm*.  Seriously, the concept of putting Mad Men‘s Jon Hamm on 30 Rock is probably just too much for you to handle (you=me, le duh).  Mad Men is possibly the best drama on television, a fabulous hour of richly nuanced characters further enriched by fascinating socio-cultural/historical commentary.  And let’s not forget the art design.  It’s faaaaaabulous.  Blending my two favorite flavors is like when Starbucks invented the Toffee Nut Latte.  We get a three-episode arc that is the TV equivalent of the most delectable bourgie coffee drink.  Ever.  WATCH IT!!!

And I’d like to add that every time I watch that clip I hear a popping noise in my head.  I assume the popping noise is the sound of a paradigm shifting.  I’d better stock up on Mr. Clean Magic Erasers for when the full episode airs.

*As a side note, I can’t help but believe that the concept of a frosting-scented Jon Hamm is nigh infallible.  I can be completely behind genetic modification and cloning so long as it would be used towards good (good, of course, is ensuring that frosting-scented Jon Hamms are all our boyfriends).  Let’s Gattaca that shit, STAT!

Thanks Videogum!

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