Rejoice! Powder Blue is Out on DVD Today!
May 26, 2009

I woke up this morning with an extra spring in my step and a renewed sense of hope for the world.  It’s safe to say that we all know why:

powder-blue

YESSSSSS!!!  After what’s seemed like an eternity of waiting, Powder Blue has finally made it’s way to DVD!  

Today feels just like Christmas, which–seeing as Powder Blue is set on Christmas Eve–is totally fitting.  Only it’s much better than Christmas because we’re getting Forest Whitaker begging a tranny prostitute to kill him, Lisa Kudrow sharing her tips to a successful diet, and a whole bunch of Jessica Biel’s ACTING.  And her dirty pillows.  Mostly, though, we’re getting Jessica Biel’s ACTING, which apparently involves her being addicted to cocaine (naturally…because she’s a stripper) and pouring candle wax on her ta-tas (naturally…because she’s a stripper).  In other words, Powder Blue is the classiest, most seriously artistic endeavor cinema has ever seen.  EVER.  Thank you, Timothy Linh Bui.

Don’t even bother Netflixing this mess, y’all.  We may be in a recession so blah blah blah fiscal responsibility blah blah blah, but that doesn’t mean you can’t afford the small pittance it’ll cost on Amazon.  Seriously, $12.99 (plus shipping and handling, ‘cos I know you want this mess overnighted) is a bonafide bargain if it’s supporting the beginning of Jessica Biel’s inevitable career as a camp icon.  This is her Showgirls, y’all, and she’s Powder Blue‘s Elizabeth Berkley.  And don’t even bother feigning your best surprise face: I’ve already got my copy next to me.

So I hope you prepare yourself, people.  I’m about to bring the Powder Blue love out like it’s my blog job, and that’s a blog promise.  I hope you like batshit crazy, because that’s all I’ll be serving for quite a while.

And, lastly, if you came here looking for Jessica Biel’s boobs and are disappointed to instead find a distinct lack of said boobs, allow me to redirect you here.  There you go.  Biel boobs to warm your heart and nourish your inner aspect.  You’re welcome.

I Promise This Will Be the Last Powder Blue Post. For This Week.
April 16, 2009

Not by choice, mind you.  It’s just that after this one, there’ll be no more clips from the destined-to-be-a-masterpiece wunderfilm Powder Blue for me to post.  It’s seriously sad times, y’all!  I’m already feeling disoriented and confused about this bleak future where we are without indescribable pleasures of constant Powder Blue posts.  Expect the chills and nausea to set in soon because it’s a scientific fact that Powder Blue withdrawal is like heroin withdrawal.  But worse.  So much worse.  

So here it is, the last hit we’re gonna get for a few weeks.  May 8th is still several weeks away, so you’d better savor this deliciousness:

Oh man, this clip totally makes things all better.  You know what’s better than Lisa Kudrow’s secret to dieting?  Jessica Biel’s creeptastically crazy-ass secret about being visited by her father in her sleep when she’s been good.  And you know what’s better than that?  NOTHING.  Well, perhaps the fact that she’s sharing her uncomfortably insane secret with someone that she BARELY KNOWS and then invites him to visit her at work.  Which is a strip club.  Because that’s a safe thing to do with a stranger.  Other than that, though, NOTHING IS BETTER.  

Really, the more I think about it, I feel like my soul is at ease.  If this scene, with its stunningly awkward and failed attempts at sentimentality and emotionally-moving acting, doesn’t convince you that Powder Blue promises to be a magical experience in the art of pure camp, then I don’t know what to say to you at this point.  I guess everyone is entitled to their own tastes and opinions, even if they’re wrong.

Life is Good When You Can Post Twice in One Day About Powder Blue
April 13, 2009

Oh glory be!  Are you worried that you won’t be able to see the most eagerly anticipated film of the summer, Powder Blue, when it’s released May 8th in New York and Los Angeles?  Are you terrified that the inevitable months of waiting for a DVD release so you may whet your lips with its sweet nectar of camp will simply prove too much to handle?  Or are you simply in it for Jessica Biel’s boobies?  Well, whatever your motivation, fret not!  

According to DVDActive, Powder Blue will be released on June 9th.  That’s right, people.  Powder Blue is such a classy, respectable, and truly visionary cinematic experience (and definitely not a train wreck, natch) that the distributors refuse to keep it away from audiences any longer than the absolute minimum waiting time.  

This is NOT about exploiting the recent buzz surrounding Jessica Biel appearing in this movie as a stripper, and this is MOST CERTAINLY NOT about trying to sell as many copies of the-movie-where-Jessica-Biel-is-a-stripper to hormonal adolescent boys and twentysomething virgins living in their parents basements before the incredibly bad buzz renders this movie incapable of selling a single copy that’s not in a 99-cent bargain bin in your local Walmart (unless it’s at your neighborhood GLBT book and video store, which in that case Powder Blue‘s totally selling for full price).  Nope, this release date speaks to just how confident Image Entertainment is that Powder Blue the movie we all need in our lives sooner as opposed to later.  Seriously, just look at the box art ; it positively reeks of integrity and confidence:

pb-stripper

“Don’t worry, buyers,” this cover seems to say.  “This is a movie about finding hope in the darkest of places!  This is like Magnolia, but more serious!  And artistic!  Jessica Biel’s boobs are purely incidental to the sales of this uncompromising cinematic masterpiece (of Jessica Biels starring as a stripper)!  And, don’t worry, if you don’t like art because you think that just means that Powder Blue will be pretentious and boring, we’ve still got boobies to keep things interesting!”  

And if the box art doesn’t convince you enough, as I type this, you can pre-order Powder Blue on DVD from Amazon for a mere $12.99.  That’s 54% off the list price of $27.98!

So what’re you waiting for?  Pre-order your copy today!  All signs point to Powder Blue being THE piece of (unintentional camp) art for our generation!

(Thanks to Michael for the tip.)

Oh Noes! Lisa Kudrow’s Also Taking a Ride on the Powder Blue Train-Wreck Express
April 13, 2009

And her character is just filled with great ideas.  What do you give to the man who tried to unsuccessfully pay a transgendered prostitute to kill himself?  A piece of apple pie, obviously!

And, damn, her waitress looks good, y’all.  How does she do it?

Ohhhh, she has a secret to her success, and it apparently involves hanging her dress over the dining table  to help motivate her to forgo sharing a slice of apple pie.  I totally forgot how detrimental having a single bite of apple pie can be to one’s waste line.  Seriously, the second a bit of that flaky crust hits your lips, you just balloon up like the incredibly obese Hulk.  It’s true; I’ve been there.  The whole experience quite unpleasant, and the purple pants you inexplicably always find yourself in are just such an unflattering shade of mulberry.

Or perhaps it’s a slippery-slope-of-addiction sort of thing.  One minute she’s trying a bite of that freshly baked deliciousness, and then suddenly the morning shift at her diner is waking her up.  Pie pans and bits of crust are strewn across the floor, and her hands and face are covered in the syrupy fillings of a dozen unsuspecting left-over desserts that met their unpleasant fate in her orgiastic and untethered thirst for scrumptious fruit-filled pastries.

Admittedly, the acting in this scene is shockingly subdued in this scene.  Gone are the over-the-top camp theatrics in favor of people behaving more like awkward robots programmed to execut sighs, smirks that mask deep-seated pain, and unnecessary conversational pauses in order to make them appear more naturalistic and human and less completely dead behind the eyes.  

Added to that, the dialogue in this scene is profoundly worthless.  Lisa Kudrow wanting to be thin and observing that Forest Whitaker’s smile deceptively hide his sorrow are things that say nothing relevant about either character.  They’re ciphers of psuedo-illuminating dialogue meant to make you ask deep questions about human interrelations; however, “HUH???” is the only question that this scene really leaves you asking.  

Let’s be clear: everything in this scene is still completely terrible, but this is terrible in a new and different way.  This clip suggests that Powder Blue is like an onion of bad movies; each scene reveals unto us a whole new level of awful that this movie is capable of achieving.  If these clips are any indication for how tonally inconsistent yet consistently misguided Powder Blue will be, then congratulations are then in order for Timothy Linh Bui.  I won’t start the the one-man’s-slow-clap-that-gradually-grows-into-a-thunderous-applause-from-the-entire-crowd just yet, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to doing my wrist exercises in preparation.  After all, May 8th is just around the corner…

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