At Least the Robot Apocalypse Will Still Have Bad Community Theater
March 5, 2010

And now, from its creators, a few words on the RoboThespian:

As an actor, it is a mirror. The most difficult question you may have to answer yourself is: ‘what am I for?’ RoboThespian™ demonstrates that utility is not a prerequisite for existence, a concept familiar to the artist but alien to the engineer. ‘Necessity is the mother of invention’, a received wisdom, but necessity is not the mother of this invention, I doubt they are even related at all.

This is very true, inventors of a thing that most definitely should not exist.  I’m pretty sure a particularly embittering failed bid at Broadway stardom (aka, too many double shifts at the Times Square Red Lobster without a single call back for that chorus line spot in Carnival Cruise’s production of Seussical) and an unintentional death wish for the human race are the mother of your invention.  For realsies, nothing else explains the waking nightmare that is witnessing this…this thing in action:

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Add Some Music To Your Day: Are You Kidding Me?!
September 1, 2009

It appears to be a musical day here at Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner, with Benji having already brought some “Spirit” to your morning.  Now, I’ve been pondering what to write about for my next Add Some Music To Your Day.  I was thinking, perhaps a Salute to Sweden, a country that brought us the The Shout Out Louds, Leopold, The Cardigans, and Peter Bjorn & John (and need I even say…ABBA?! ew..) or maybe a rant about how I can’t get Mika’s “We Are Golden” out of my head (even though it totally rips off Annie Lennox’s “Walking On Broken Glass”).  But then the Universe provided me with gold.  Pure gold.

While flipping through the channels, I came across this:

And this:

Apparently, it is a program called “Music In High Places,” where artists are dragged to God knows where to perform accompanied by the majesty of nature.  That’s exactly what the Goo Goo Dolls, masters of the inoffensive overly-emotional soft rock ballad, need to send their melodramatic musical stylings into the stratosphere of utter ri-god-damn-diculousness,

Though, as I watch this, I must admit I feel the faint stirrings of nostalgia, recalling a time when as a young, bright-eyed boy of 17 I was dragged to one of their concerts.   I wasn’t exactly the ideal audience member.  After the band played a new song, John Rzeznik asked, “Do we get our indie cred back now?”  I may or may not have shouted at the top of my lungs, “Did you ever have it?!”

The answer Johnny, is no.  And shit like this just proves it over, and over.

Things That Should Not Exist: This Pillsbury Doughboy Video
June 4, 2009

Perhaps it’s just me, but the Pillsbury Doughboy is the stuff of nightmares.  Like nannerpuss, he’s supposed to sell a product, but instead just creeps the living hell out of me.  Don’t get me wrong: I love me some Pillsbury products.  They’re delicious.  Hell, one time in undergrad I ate their croissant dough.  Literally, the dough.  Without baking it.  Because I’m a human garbage disposal like that.  But I digress.

Anyways, while you might see this:

doughboy

I look at the Doughboy and see THIS:

149921_f260

He’s no mascot; he’s a dough monster!  I wouldn’t be surprised if he stays so plump by feasting on human flesh and adorable puppies.  He probably bakes children into meat pies using Pillsbury Frozen Deep Dish Pie Crusts and makes Funfetti-and-kitten cupcakes.  Seriously, how is this woman not fearing for her very life?  She’s clearly a braver soul than I.

Fortunately I found a support group for my phobia today.  It’s a 12-step program, and it involves watching this video, taking 5 minutes to realize that it’s a real video that–fake or not–was actually conceived and executed by someone, and then replaying it 10 more times:

I’m sorry, but did he just poop a croissant?  He just pooped a croissant!   Hahahahaha, AGAIN!

Doctor, I’m cured!

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