Scant Thoughts on Super Bowl 50
February 8, 2016

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As the French would say, je ne suis pas sportif, but if I’ve got two things going for me, it’s a thirst for pop culture and a fear of missing out, so here are a few scant thoughts regarding FootBowl 50: Still a Thing!

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Here’s Christine Pedi Doing Liza Minnelli and Carol Channing Doing Lady Gaga’s “Telephone”
July 9, 2010

Naturally, it’s fabulous, so of course you should watch it:

I must admit, however, that as I was watching this shimmering, rainbow-scaled ouroboros of unmitigated homosexuality, a series of thoughts did my mind:

  1. This is indubitably one the gayest things I’ve ever seen, but debatably THE gayest thing, so He-Man can take his fabulous secret powers and sit back down.  For now.
  2. The Snickers bar, as we all know, is an excellent touch.
  3. Also, now I’m in the mood for a Snickers.
  4. And a martini.
  5. Oh, and while we’re at it, raspberries as well.
  6. Come to think of it, I should probably hit up the grocery store after work.  Oops, digression!
  7. Anybody in the mood for a round of Movie Critic?
  8. I wonder if the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck’s ice cream come in d*ck flavor, and if so, what would that taste like?  Sausage and Old Spice, perhaps?
  9. But most importantly:

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Nothing Tastes as Good as Diva Feels
February 11, 2010

I’m pretty sure this Snickers commercial isn’t quite what Kate Moss meant when she said her life motto was “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”  But I’m also pretty sure that if there’s any truth to this Snickers commercial, Kate Moss is some sort of all-knowing Magic 8 Ball made out of hungry orphans’ tears and the occasional carrot stick:

It should go without saying that I think this ad is brilliant, and I feel like having a Snickers to reward all that cleverness.  That, and my inner-fat girl’s on her heavy-flow day.  But it’s also worth mentioning that if the gist of this ad is that making like Ms. Moss and just saying no to solid food holds the power to magically transform you into Aretha Franklin and/or Liza Minnelli, isn’t this ad actually about the importance of NEVER EATING AGAIN?

Sure, I recognize that–what with my weaknesses for cookies, Bloomin’ Onions, McDonald’s, anything you can deep-fry or smother in gravy or preferably both, as well as most anything found the snack aisle at Duane Reade–I probably can’t even muster up enough hunger pangs to transform me into an excessively bitchy Judy Garland impersonator.  Still, I’d like to believe that with enough will power (there’s is not enough will power in the world, but let’s pretend), I could become so hungry that I’d become the diva equivalent of sending Liza Minnelli and Aretha Franklin through a telepod.  At the same time:

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