Heidi Montag’s “Sex Ed” is Your New Favorite Song
April 29, 2009

Do you enjoy having your ears bleed?  Have you ever wondered what awful sounds like?  Is good taste your enemy, and do you imagine opening the Lament Configuration to be your idea of a pleasant way to spend a Saturday afternoon?  Well, if you answered yes to any of these, then do I ever have the summer jam for you.  It’s Heidi Montag’s “Sex Ed,” and it’s profound(ly bad):

I mean, are there words for this?  Heidi Montag’s totally raised the bar on scraping the bottom of the barrel, and for that she genuinely deserves applause.  On one hand, this is without a doubt the single most dreadful piece of noise that’s been misnomered as music I’ve ever heard in my entire life, but on the other hand I just can’t stop listening to it.  This is the soundtrack to my dreams when I dream of Showgirls 2.  This “song” is so terrible that I imagine it’s come from a different universe where everything’s indubitably the worst, or at the very least a another planet where everything is backwards.  “Sex Ed” is the new gold standard of bad ideas, and this mess is completely amazing.

Also, I think it goes without saying, but the photo that accompanies this mess merely confirms what we’ve all suspected: Heidi Montag is one classy bitch.  When Spencer Pratt tries to run for President of the United States, which is a horrifying prospect that I’ve never the less accepted as most likely inevitable, this woman could be First Lady.  Remember that when you go into the voting booths of the future, America.  Remember that.

Thank goodness we’ve got Videogum to discover the finest pleasures in life.

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