Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Amateur PR Corner: On the Future of Jesse James’s Public Image
March 26, 2010

Celebrities: they’re just like us!  And if you happen to be the sort of person who can’t stand black people almost as much as you can’t get enough Nazi memorabilia or sex with lots of tattooed lady friends that aren’t your wife, then rumor has it that Jesse James is just like you!  Well, the whole banging ladies with hideous forehead tattoos part is fact, but now there are all sorts of rumors circulating that Jesse James is a white supremacist who has a Hitler surfboard.  Yikes!  When you’re already considered one of the country’s most reviled men before you’re outed as a racist and a homophobe, it’s pretty safe to say that your public image is certifiably doomed after the fact.

Now seeing as I’m neither a philanderer nor a white supremacist, I don’t have a lot of experience with this sort of situation, but one time I sat in on a PR class in undergrad, which I’m pretty sure makes me qualified to add my two cents to this situation, and I’m all but convinced that if anyone can redeem Jesse James’s public image, and it’s this guy: (more…)

Today in Hard Hitting Questions: What’s Your Bad Idea “Bombshell” McGee Forehead Tattoo?
March 19, 2010

It was brought to my attention yesterday that there’s some surprise that Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner has yet to address the human Ipecac that is Michelle “Bombshell” McGee.  Well, more specifically, the tattoo she has on her forehead.  The one that looks like this:

(a Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner artistic rendition in Photoshop excellence)

Okay, maybe not exactly like that, but for realsies: according to Terra, “Bombshell” McGee had “Pray for us sinners” tattooed on her forehead because she believes “we’re all sinners in life.”   Which perhaps explains the allegations of Nazi salutes and Swastika tattoos?

“Bombshell” McGee: Whoops, did heiling Hitler upset the kids again?

Ex-Husband: Duh.

“Bombshell” McGee: Well, I guess we’re all sinners in life.

Boo, you whore.  No, literally this time.

ANYWAYS, when this tattoo isn’t serving as a glaring example of her having all the spiritual depth of a person boneheaded enough to think tattooing “Pray for us sinners” on your forehead somehow makes you spiritually deep, it’s a fine example of a bad idea.  Like, a really bad idea.  Because it’s on your damn forehead, and only bangs can hide an embarrassment like that, which is like trying to hide the fact that you just pissed your pants at the bar by ripping a fart that could clear out a night club.  So while I’m pretty sure having a forehead tattoo automatically guarantees you a competitive spot at this year’s The Worsties, I at least think we can at least do slightly better than what we’re currently working with, so let’s all jump and see what we can come up with:

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Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Terribly Timely and Totally Irresponsible Recaps: OSCARS!
March 9, 2010

You know, it’s times like this that I wonder if I should’ve devoted Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner to something like cat farts as opposed to pop culture because it’s hard to over think three hours of cat farts; real talk: blogs about cat farts write themselves.  Blogs that try to recap  rather paint-by-numbers Oscar ceremonies?  Not so much.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not like last night’s Academy Awards ceremony was an interminable bore.  After all, the woman whom shall henceforth forever be known on the interwebz as “Lady Kanye” has us all talking about the Best Documentary Short win, which is a real coup for a category of movies I know to exist only because they continue to get awards every year; otherwise, I remain vaguely convinced documentary shorts are like the Sasquatch of cinema, but I digress.

My point is that the Oscars were totally fine in the way that a largely predictable three-and-a-half hour Hollywood circle jerk is totally fine, but Oscar party margaritas have a tendency to make most anything better, so if it was worse than just watching a bunch of people win  the same awards we’ve been seeing them win all awards season, I honestly wasn’t paying attention.  Anywho, this ping-pong-ball-sized kidney stone of a blog post ain’t gonna pass itself, so let’s take one last look back and throw out some patently irresponsible kudos and sassy finger snaps to a few of the more mentionable moments:

First off, kudos are certainly in order for Mo’nique.  I’ve heard her performance is excellent, and I might even one day be able to personally attest to that, but even those few moments they showed during the Oscars were enough to thoroughly disturb me, and I really don’t need any more fodder for my nightmares.  Particularly when the Oscars were already getting ad revenue from the ultimate nightmare fuel:

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Sandra Bullock, Now the Star of Your Worst Nightmares
August 10, 2009

Can we talk about All About Steve, y’all?  Seriously:

It got pushed back from March to the cinematic dumping grounds of September, which is never a good sign.  Sandra Bullock’s hair looks truly dreadful, as does Bradley Cooper’s hair.  Also, Thomas Haden Church looks to be rockin’ one ferosh fake tan, and I don’t mean that as a compliment.  All About Steve looks like a hackneyed comedy with a dialed-up-to-obnoxious level of quirk and haircuts that look like they styled with a weed whacker, but I’ll go there: It looks entirely passable as a rental from Netflix.  

I find Sandra Bullock to be incredibly appealing actress.  She certainly needs to make better career choices, but I imagine the roles available to women that are over 40 and aren’t Meryl Streep make for some pretty slim pickings.  Hollywood tends to be sexist like that, so I’m not about to fault her for just trying to keep busy.

However, I will gladly fault her for the poster for All About Steve.  Because it’s going to haunt my dreams for weeks to come:

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