Jersey Shore Deep Thoughts: We’re Fist Pumpin’ in Miami, Bitch! (Or, on the Rest of the Season Premiere)
July 30, 2010

Oh lordy, y’all.  So Jersey Shore‘s second season premiered last night, and much like the above image from Videogum of Snooki and Sammi Sweetheart listening intently to their conchs, it was a strange thing of booze-fueled, sh*t-talking, train-wreck-of-zen beauty, and how could it be anything but?  Let’s discuss a few of my favorite moments, shall we?

Angelina’s returned prompted The Situation to deliver serious FACE:

Truer feelings of utter disbelief, total confusion, and SENSE OF IMPENDING RIDICUDRAMA have never been FACE’d.  Well played, The Situation.  Very well played, indeed.

And let’s not forget when Snooki gave a brief dissertation on revisionist history:

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Jersey Shore Deep Thoughts: On Ronnie, The Situation, and Vinnie Being on the “Queer Issue” of the Village Voice
June 23, 2010

The guys from Jersey Shore, save for Ronnie (and Ronnie’s Prince Albert), unknowingly ended up on the cover of the Village Voice‘s “Queer Issue” because it features an article about guidos on the down-low:

This just makes sense.  Much like how my Jersey Shore nickname is “The Sausage Party.”

I mean, when you consider that these men represent the sort of butch-acting, worked-out hyper-masculinity that a sizable portion of the gay community idealizes (and gay-for-pay porn most certainly commodifies), and when you think about how the second season of Jersey Shore isn’t just going to promote itself, OF COURSE they are.

But perhaps more importantly:

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Jersey Shore Deep Thoughts: On Pickles
December 11, 2009

Like I’ve previously observed, Jersey Shore is best enjoyed when don’t think about it.  For example, Angelina left the house after her married boyfriend dumped her and she couldn’t be bothered to come into work because she kept coughing really loudly in hopes that someone would notice her (which is the first symptom that you’re too sick to work), Ronnie and Sammi bumped uglies and played putt putt, and JWOWW’s boyfriend dumped her over kissing Pauly D, but I’m leaving this Jersey Shore conversation at that because I’m already on the verge of blacking out from all this stupid.

But last night’s episode also had this cramaziness, which was stupid AND worth talking about:

Watching Snooki eat a pickle like she was giving was giving a juiced-up guido’s sausage  a little mouth lovin’ took her into a whole new realm of train wreck love because I could empathize with her situation.  Sure, I may not fellate my pickles when I eat them, but I do have a serious food crush on the kosher dills.  Seriously, just thinking about that garlic and vinegary goodness has me hungry like I’m knocked up with quintuplets.

And to make this tangential discussion even more absurd (yes, it’s possible), my brain damn near fell out of my ear when I recognized the very brand of pickles that she was eating:

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