There’s No Way I Won’t Be Seeing I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
August 5, 2009

Holiday!  Celebrate!!!  There’s a trailer for the film adaptation of the book adaptation of the blog by the one-man awful machine know as Tucker Max.  Indulge your curiosity in seeing just what depths of monstrousness humanity can dive to and watch this train wreck:

Sweet mercy does this movie looks like a bona fide UGHapalooza!  I’m not going to even bother explaining to you why I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell looks positively terrible; its terribleness is self-explanatory.  I know I’m the antithesis of its target audience, and I’m certain I will simply loathe it, but a movie this mind-blowingly egregious is the sort of rare spectacle that I must witness.  

For free, of course.

No no, I would sooner start training for Olympic muff diving than see my money go to Tucker Max.  He’s already built an empire on encouraging frat boys to be misogynistic assholes, so I won’t be financially encouraging his behavior.  Hell, I refuse to be bothered paying for a bootleg, that’s how neanderthallic this movie looks.  Instead, I’ll sneak into a theater to kill my last remaining shreds of faith in humanity.  It’s just my blog cross to bear, y’all.  Mine to bear, and yours to enjoy.

That said, I must admit that it’s rather disappointing that Richard Kelly is producing this movie.  I can only hope that he’s doing this ironically and that I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell is in fact a razor-edged satire against Tucker Max’s repugnant behavior.  Otherwise, this can only mean one thing:


The Box Trailer Gives Me All Sorts of Vapors
June 25, 2009

And not just because it looks great.  Don’t get me wrong, The Box does look badass.  Really:

Having grown up in the South, I’ve gotta admit that those Southern accents are kinda terrible, but otherwise there’s so much to love!  Like Cameron Diaz’s hair (so feathered, so fabulous!), and James Marsden (make him a star, Hollywood!), and Frank Langella super creepy busted face (so obscured, but still so scary!).  And then there’re all that unsettling surreal imagery and the fact that this trailer is thankfully edited to maximize the head-trippy weirdness and minimize your understanding of the overall narrative arc and, damnit, why must it not be out ’til October?  I’ve only so much patience to give!

Of course, I must admit that I may be totally biased.  I genuinely enjoyed Donnie Darko as the cult classic that it is, and Southland Tales was such a gloriously batshit insane fever dream of pop culture and political frustration that it was easily one of my favorite films of 2007.  That movie’s fairly been considered a cinematic train wreck, but it’s one of the wonderfully compelling train wrecks I’ve ever seen.  And besides, as we’re all well aware, I love me some train wrecks.  The fact that The Box seems more narratively focused just gets me all sorts of giddy.  But like I said, I just might be biased towards liking anything Richard Kelly does.  Why?  Here’s why:


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