Here Is a Video of an Old Man WORKING IT to Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face”
June 28, 2010

Sure, it might not be country hip hop dancing, but hot damn are this man’s dance moves some sort of national treasure.  WORK IT, Pop-Pop!

Much love to Videogum for this one.

Not Even a Dancing Nosferatu Takes the Gay Out of Lady Gaga
May 23, 2009

It’s no secret that I’m rather taken by Lady Gaga’s whole schtick, which is essentially an avant-garde performance in which a woman parodies the way drag queens behave.  Or, in other words, she parades about as if she were a batshit-crazy-tranny-cyborg sent back in time by the Resistance to make John Connor TOTALLY FABULOUS.  Seriously:

lady-gaga-love-game-3.jpg

She’ll be back.  To help you blend you do touch ups on your body glitter and properly color-blend your lip gloss.  I digress, though.

Most impressively about Lady Gaga is that her homo force is completely unstoppable.  No amount of effort can extricate her gayness; she’s like a nuclear power plant of hyper-camp queerdom.  And trust me when I say that even a man dressing up in a Nosferatu costume cannot contain her rainbow-tinted energy:

To be certain, that video is a total nightmare, but it’s also a really gay nightmare.  Girl admittedly needs to work on her jazz hands and get a bit of sun (or at least a little Sevin Nyne), but you can’t really blame her for trying.  The moves are the sort of quasi-vogueing one would expect from someone who’s been undead for hundreds of years: you can’t expect an old queen to be au currant with her dance moves, and at a certain point your joints are bound to start going!  Give the bitch a snaggletooth for trying, y’all!

So, crazy (and probably possibly gay) vampire, you remind us yet again of the unstoppable force of homo-magnificence that is Lady Gaga, and for that we salute you!

Cheers to Videogum for the discovery.

You Cannot Take the Gay Out of Lady Gaga
April 9, 2009

At best, you can make her sound like she’s going to be the song they play on the ending montage of a Gossip Girl episode:

The music says, “I’m sensitive and hurting; xoxo, you know you love me, now please give me a hug.”  I can just see Dan/Chuck/Blair/Nate/whoever walking contemplatively in the dark streets of New York while this song plays.  Serena will claim she’s killed someone yet again because she just had to shine, Kristen Bell will have a pithy and pun-laden monologue, and we’ll cut to Jenny making the saddest of raccoon eyes at her sewing machine.  Seriously, this song is just like listening to All American Rejects.  If All American Rejects were fronted by a woman who behaves drag queen.  

And what of “Just Dance”?  Oh, you’ve no idea.  If you you mix Lady Gaga and heavy metal, you’ve got a recipe for head explosions:

Is that not the best?  I really think it’s the best.  The font suggests Slipknot, but those hand claps positively scream 1980s Madonna.  Perhaps I’m wrong, but the hand claps take “Just Dance” to an entirely new stratosphere of homosexuality.    You’ve outdone Lady Gaga, sir.  Well played.

I can’t even imagine what’ll happen when “LoveGame” gets reworked in this fashion.  Lady Gaga’s Homo-Force is so strong that the internet just might break from that insanity.  The word “discostick” is not meant to encounter with death metal guitars, but–like the hadron collider–it must be done.

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