Purity Bear Is Watching, Y’all
February 15, 2012

What? Wait. What?!? I mean, if you haven’t met Purity Bear before, please do treat yourself by watching it here. All done? Good. Now, if I may reiterate: WHAT?!?!?

Doesn’t their mutual awkwardness indicate they’ve only gone on maybe a handful of dates, if not their first? (Because it couldn’t be an obvious lack of acting talent. No. Never.) And yet he’s already declaring his love for her?!? Forget him using your pizza box, lady. He’s going to stalk you ’til you’ve got enough fodder for a gripping Lifetime movie! Girlfriend, YOU IN DANGER!

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The Olsen Twins Have a Serious Case of Monster Mouth, Demand: Gimme Pizza
June 23, 2010

I should warn you in advance that this video from You’re Invited to Mary-Kate and Ashley’s Sleepover Party contains the following:

  1. Terrible rapping by child actors
  2. Editing that’s completely unsuitable for epileptics, possibly the public in general

My point is this video will give you a seizure, but that shouldn’t stop you from watching it.  Just make sure your co-workers understand that you’re having an actual medical emergency and not just practicing your best Nomi Malone like you usually do.  Anywho, here’s the Olsen twins and their friends invading your brain and killing your appetite with “Gimme Pizza”:

Jesus.  Caramel coconut cream AND fish sticks?  Even I wouldn’t eat that, and that’s really saying something when you think about it.  Seriously, you need to shut down your monster mouth and think about your poor life choices if you can look at this:

And have this reaction:

olsen twin pizza reaction

That’s cute, Olsen-twin-I-will-assume-is-Mary-Kate-because-Mary-Kate-has-chosen-to-continue-on-with-her-acting-and-this-face-screams-ACTING, but that’s also completely unacceptable.  There’s only one acceptable response to your pizza:

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