RIP, Patrick Swayze
September 15, 2009

patrick-swayze-dirty-dancing

Oh man, y’all.  Patrick Swazye passed away yesterday at 57 after a 20-month battle with pancreatic cancer. It should go without saying, but this news is simply terrible.

This is the actor, after all, whose career highlights include Point Break and Ghost.  Not many actors can find success as both the macho action star and the sensitive romantic lead (let alone in movies that have earned a place in the pop culture lexicon), but Patrick Swayze had the charm and versatility to have such success.  Perhaps this explains why he also made one hell of a drag queen:

MSDTOWO EC001

Yes, this fabulous vision of glamor also starred in Road House.  Fierce drag queen is hardly the most conventional career choice when you’re known for playing a philosophical surfer/bank robber and one of cinema’s sexiest lingering spirits, but therein lies the genius:

(more…)

Life is Good When You Can Post Twice in One Day About Powder Blue
April 13, 2009

Oh glory be!  Are you worried that you won’t be able to see the most eagerly anticipated film of the summer, Powder Blue, when it’s released May 8th in New York and Los Angeles?  Are you terrified that the inevitable months of waiting for a DVD release so you may whet your lips with its sweet nectar of camp will simply prove too much to handle?  Or are you simply in it for Jessica Biel’s boobies?  Well, whatever your motivation, fret not!  

According to DVDActive, Powder Blue will be released on June 9th.  That’s right, people.  Powder Blue is such a classy, respectable, and truly visionary cinematic experience (and definitely not a train wreck, natch) that the distributors refuse to keep it away from audiences any longer than the absolute minimum waiting time.  

This is NOT about exploiting the recent buzz surrounding Jessica Biel appearing in this movie as a stripper, and this is MOST CERTAINLY NOT about trying to sell as many copies of the-movie-where-Jessica-Biel-is-a-stripper to hormonal adolescent boys and twentysomething virgins living in their parents basements before the incredibly bad buzz renders this movie incapable of selling a single copy that’s not in a 99-cent bargain bin in your local Walmart (unless it’s at your neighborhood GLBT book and video store, which in that case Powder Blue‘s totally selling for full price).  Nope, this release date speaks to just how confident Image Entertainment is that Powder Blue the movie we all need in our lives sooner as opposed to later.  Seriously, just look at the box art ; it positively reeks of integrity and confidence:

pb-stripper

“Don’t worry, buyers,” this cover seems to say.  “This is a movie about finding hope in the darkest of places!  This is like Magnolia, but more serious!  And artistic!  Jessica Biel’s boobs are purely incidental to the sales of this uncompromising cinematic masterpiece (of Jessica Biels starring as a stripper)!  And, don’t worry, if you don’t like art because you think that just means that Powder Blue will be pretentious and boring, we’ve still got boobies to keep things interesting!”  

And if the box art doesn’t convince you enough, as I type this, you can pre-order Powder Blue on DVD from Amazon for a mere $12.99.  That’s 54% off the list price of $27.98!

So what’re you waiting for?  Pre-order your copy today!  All signs point to Powder Blue being THE piece of (unintentional camp) art for our generation!

(Thanks to Michael for the tip.)

Powder Blue Looks Like the Train-Wreckiest Train Wreck
April 3, 2009

Look out, Elizabeth Berkley!  If the trailer for Powder Blue is any indication whatsoever, it looks like Jessica Biel’s in the running for Worst Performance as a Stripper.  I’m usually capable of withstanding large amounts of awful for the sake of good camp, but even I don’t know if I can make it through this mess.  Seriously, y’all, this movie looks terrible, and not in the fun way:

Admittedly, this movie will inevitably find an audience regardless of whether or not it’s campalicious because it’s already getting major press as the movie where Jessica Biel strips.  Given that I could care less for boobs, though, all I’m gonna get is a whole lot of overwrought seriousness.  This movie looks like it wants to be sooooooo serious with all its fragile, damaged characters that are supposed to reflect the frustrations and isolations that come with living in this day and age.  

Jessica Biel is a disenchanted stripper with a sick son and a good heart.  Forest Whitaker is a suicidal ex-priest who wants a tranny prostitute to shoot him.  And then there’s odd the mortician who’s just lonely and awkward and totally not a serial killer.  And let’s not forget Patrick Swayze, who looks like a tranny prostitute but apparently isn’t.  The characters are SERIOUS, y’all.  It’s nothing but 😦 all around for these guys.

Oh, and how could I forget the completely dialogue dialogue imbued with the glimmer of hope all serious movies need as they dissect the human condition:

Sad-faced stripper: When tomorrow comes, everything’s going to be okay.

Not-a-serial-killer mortician: Everything’s going to be okay.

Somehow, I don’t think it will be.  Powder Blue will still be on your resume.

I shouldn’t get too mean, though.  I’m not saying that this movie looks good or even enjoyably bad, but that doesn’t mean it’s not being moved to the top of my Netflix queue as we speak.  I’m just saying.

%d bloggers like this: