If the Music Video for Adam Lambert’s “Time for Miracles” Is Any Indication, 2012 Will Be a Time for Train Wrecks
October 22, 2009

Oh dear.  There’s a music video for Adam Lambert’s single off the 2012 soundtrack, “Time for Miracles,” and it is as fabulous and ridiculous as this image I found through Google image search for “2012 soundtrack”:

adam lambert 2012

So, you know, very fabulous.  And extremely ridiculous.

As with everything else coming down the 2012 pipeline, it’s a batshit crazy train wreck of histrionic performances and apocalyptic disaster.  And, as with everything else coming down the 2012 pipeline, I mean that as a compliment:

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2012 Just Keeps Looking Better and Better
October 4, 2009

Perhaps I’m slowly losing my few remaining marbles on account of my feverish anticipation for 2012 (currently 103° of PURE EXCITEMENT*), but this poster is destroying me like Mayan-calendar-predicted global-scale apocalyptic disasters destroy giant statues of Jesus Christ:

2012_poster

This poster is so brilliant that I just can’t deal with it, let alone articulate why I can’t deal with it, but let’s still try.

A part of me just thinks it’s a spectacular and clever image.  It evokes the Jesus-Saves/God-Is-Dead dichotomy central to the spiritual/existential anxieties that surround doomsday scenarios.  You can’t tell if 2012 will be popcorn nihilism or a blockbuster call to repent.  Sure, it’s a Roland Emmerich film, so it’s probably best not to think too hard about these topics for fear of giving yourself a brain aneurism, but I’m happy 2012 has a teaser poster that offers such a fun little intellectual exercise for us film nerds.  It’s kinda like a pop-quiz, except one that makes you want to buy movie tickets in the process.

Of course, there’s also the part of me that loves this poster for hyping 2012 as straight-up disaster porn.  Sure, this movie stars John Cusack and Amanda Peet and Oliver Platt and a Space Ark, but sometimes it’s better to just bank on images of stylized destruction over big name stars.  After all, Space Ark–like Megan Fox–has yet to prove herself to be a box office draw.  This poster is completely over the top, and I love it for that much like I love this clip from the movie:

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It’s Like Roland Emmerich Knew My Birthday Was Coming
June 19, 2009

The epic hot mess of CGI and John Cusack that is the 2012 trailer hit the interwebs yesterday, and it’s safe to say that paradigms shifted and lives were changed and none of us will ever be the same again:

You.  Must.  Be.  KIDDING ME!

The final sequence alone, in which an aircraft carrier floating that’s floating on a giant tidal wave crushes the White House, pretty much makes my brain shut down from the absolute batshit crazy brilliance, but then there’s everything else as well!  John Cusack’s car driving out of a crashing jet?  The crumbling of the Vatican?  THE REUNITING OF THE CUSACK AND AMANDA “WHORES DON’T GET A SECOND CHANCE” PEET???  I cannot handle this absurdity.  At all.

This is already destined to be the greatest movie because it’s by the man who made Independence Day, but now he’s decided to take things to the next level by taking every disaster movie ever and cranking that bitch up to “You absolutely must be joking,” which is numerically well past 11 to the point of approaching infinity.  Even if this trailer is essentially all the best parts and rest of it’s a boring meandering mess about John Cusack trying to reconnect with his kids (is that what the “plot” is about?) and the Apocalypse and Oliver Platt being in charge of the space ark (which is a !!! and ??? all at once), those disaster movie money shots will be absolutely profound on the big screen.

Best of all, though, is that it comes out on November 13th, which is the day after tomorrow my birthday!  A CGI’ed-within-an-inch-of-its-life, unremittingly-batshit-insane-to-the-point-of-avant-garde-brilliant disaster movie?  For me?  Shazam!  It’s like the movie version of this.  But even better:

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