Important Moments in Lost FAILs: Lost Fails to Deliver Sufficient Levels of Dick Alpert Hotness, Abs
March 24, 2010

As a self-admitted Lost fan facing the rapidly approaching series finale, I try to remind myself that despite all the years of obsessive speculation and moments of howler-monkeying at the television in shock/frustration/amazement, Lost is only a show, and so it is only natural for it to occasionally slip up.  After all, how else do the explain the utterly delicious third season mistake that was Paulo?

Or his partner in crime, Nikki?

Her catchphrase?  Also delicious.  The rest?  Not so much.  Small wonder her character was buried alive, though it’s such a shame Rodrigo Santoro had to go with her.  Double whoops on the sexy front, Lost writers!

Anywhoozle, I fully accept that no show–including Lost–will ever be perfect, and I can make peace with the occasional Lost misstep much like I eventually made peace with the public school storyarc in the third season of The O.C.; HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean I won’t call things like I see ’em, which brings us to this:

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At Last! Lost News That Won’t Make You Immediately Pluck Out Your Eyes in Regret for Reading It
February 4, 2010

One of the things that’s the worst about being a fan of Lost (aside from rendering you absolutely insufferable to all your non-fan friends and family for months at a time) is how you have to remain so guarded against any potential surprises.  One minute you’re perusing your favorite Lost comment board in hopes of corroborating your theory about how Hurley’s burp in that one scene could be an allusion to 15th-century Franciscan scripture, and the next moment your eyes are gushing blood because someone posted an unmarked spoiler.  Like I said, the worst.

Anyways, fortunately this is not one of this instances.  Well, unless your definition of a spoiler is whose abs you’ll be seeing this season, in which case ABS ALERT, ‘cos it’s Lost‘s sexiest Other, Richard Alpert:

Yes, Richard Alpert (played by Nestor Carbonell)–the mysterious Other who has mysteriously resisted aging over the past three seasons and numerous decades of Lost‘s narrative–might soon abandon his shirt like his name is Jack Sawyer. This is obviously a good thing, and you can thank Star Trek 2 casting rumors and the inquisitive minds at Movieline for this glorious news:

I think the question, Nestor, is whether you have the pecs to play Khan.
[Laughs] Listen, all modesty aside, I’m pretty shredded right now. Richard may not get to flex his muscles, but he’s not averse to taking off his shirt. Should it happen, the fans will know.

Wait, spoiler alert! We’re getting a shirtless Richard scene soon?
I can neither confirm nor deny. [Laughs]

“I can neither confirm nor deny” might as well be Lost speak for “DUH” at this point, so JACKPOT!

Of course, I could explain why this is a good thing, or I could simply offer the jury indisputable evidence, so I’ll choose the latter.

Your honor, exhibit A:

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